Take on the clapping clown

Is there any doubt that Trump would blow himself if he physically could? I didn't watch the State of the Union but have seen a number of clips of this lunatic applauding himself like a three year old does when she poops on the potty.

I get that he's not the normal politician, he's not a normal person. His need for constant adulation is frightening and the fact that the party who claims they represent family values and morality supports a man so vain, so lacking intellectually curiosity, so morally corrupt is astonishing.
The guy is on his third wife, has cheated on all of them, likely has a dozen abortions in his history, sleeps with porn stars while his wife has a newborn at home and has only ever proven to care about himself. Seems like the perfect guy an evangelical would embrace

Take on the the scroll on the State of the Union.

Reports came out today that the names of campaign donors would be flashing across the screen during the State of the Union address and the main stream media got so worked up that they have been picking their panties out of their ass cracks since.
One note here. This is not going to be happening on the broadcast that anybody will actually watch. This won't be the scroll on ABC or NBC or CNN (FoxNews refused to comment for this story) so it's kind of a non-story. I'm sure this will be used for the live stream on Brietbart of GOP.org or whatever

It would be an awesome place for some top of the line trolling.

Vlad Hearts Don. $10
Jale Will Suk. $15
Stormy Daniels. $69

Take on Hillary doing audiobooks

Democrats will continue to lose elections if they don't get out of their own way and throw a few of their own overboard. Hillary was likely screwed by Russian interference but she took an election which could have been a cakewalk and made it competitive. She focused on her brand with the white rich elites but never convinced anybody that she had any passion other than being president.
Be getting a prime time slot at the Grammy's only shows you how out of touch with that reality she was
I'm expecting her to continue to make these kinds of decisions which means nobody will ever be interested

Take on the Treasury dork

Forget Trump embarrassing our entire country at Davos, his cabinet and advisors are doing a fine job without him. A photo was posted showing Trump's cabinet at the World a economic Forum in Davos and its a doozie.
First you have old Wilbur who looks like he's completely fallen asleep, then you have Hope Hicks with the ugliest suede boots that make he legs look like two giant tootsies rolls. Although big Rex looks decent, the fat guy next to him looks like he ate Jared Kushner. But the worst look is by far Steve Mnuchin. He's wearing these horrible boots with a suit pair of suit like he has a meeting scheduled on the Appalachian trail. These things are either the latest hipster craze which his bimbo wife got him for Christmas OR they are a secret salute to the ultra right wing with the red laces. But how this loser can don those things and sit front toe with a straight face is astonishing.

The dude is such a goddamned dork

Take on the paid followers

The internet broke today when it was revealed that Ray Lewis really doesn't have 750,000 twitter followers which should have been obvious because, well, he's Ray Lewis. People pay for all sorts of stuff but buying friends on Twitter is about as lame as it gets. This phenomenon wasn't limited to Ray Lewis, others like 14 year old Righetti love interest Kathy Ireland has been caught doing it as have Clay Aiken and a bunch of other online dorks
What it does do is prove the total sham that is influencers, when buying friends and followers is wide spread, nothing helps
Time for Twitter to start wiping out any of these fake accounts by basically just wiping out any account that follows Kim Kardashian. Might be some real people there but I'm willing to take that chance.

Take on the CitiBike docks pfor

Is it me or are there now more CitiBike docks that are out of order than there are ones that actually do work. I haven't taken the bike share option in a long time but every time I look around I see more and more of these red caps. Maybe this is Big Bill's method of turning New Yorkers into a fellow slob or maybe it's just the cruel winter but I have to think it's about time to retire this program if nobody is going to actually maintain it

take on the Deep State

there really isn't a dumber concept than the idea of the Deep State, not because it's just a ludicrous idea but because there is an entire not-so-secret society of GOP lawmen and their media puppets have embraced this as their battle cry.   Devin Nunes is a weasel,  Matt Gaetz is a psycho and Tucker Carlson looks like a kid toucher yet all of them get prime time coverage.   I don't know if there is animosity towards Trump in the FBI, I'm sure there were people upset about his election since they are, well, independent people with independent thoughts and I'm also quite sure that if there was Secret Society, nobody would be texting about it on a very NOT secret FBI issued phone..  this is where this entire thing falls apart with the entire ReleaseTheMemo thing, it's based on one comment sent between two people which uses the SecretSociety phrase to try to debunk the entire Russian investigation.   Even RonJohn had to admit today that the phrase was likely used in jest but that didn't stop psychos like Tucker Carlson from screaming till his pimples popped last night for hours on end..

we now live in a society where our GOP leadership is claiming the intelligence and law enforcement communities are in the bag for the Dems... think about that for a second, walk away and kick yourself in the penis because that is what that idea deserves

oh well, american greatness is coming back which is good to know

Take on the old white Democrat

The Democrats just don't have a clue. They keep running old white candidates who have been rejected by their base already and hope to change their course. John Kerry is reportedly considering another presidential run which is about as appealing as a ham and American cheese sand which in white bread and topped with a glob of mayo. But this is what the Democrats are good at, getting the oldest lamest richest white guy and running them into a brick wall

I'm assuming that if they go this route we can continue to call Trump President

Take on the $130,000 payment

Rumors are abound that Trump has had affairs with hundreds of women. If that is true, it's likely that there are more than just the first $130,000 paid out in hush money to Stormy which, at first, I thought was sort of low. There is another story about a second payment for $150k to stay quiet
If the going rate is $130-$150 per woman, he could be looking at $14million in payments if the number hits 100 which for a guy who hates paying anybody has got to sting. What is even better about that thought is that it's that much less money that Melania will get in her divorce filing

Glad to see the evangelicals haven't dropped this guy like a hot potato yet, wouldn't want to break that winning streak.

Take on the marriage from hell

Theirs is a marriage based on mutual benefit.   He gets to parade around with a trophy wife, one with all her toes, and she gets to live in a penthouse apartment with servants, an unlimited spending account and a green card.  Both have made sacrifices now that they have to appear as a normal couple on a regular basis but nothing was more obvious than Melania getting pissed off when the Trump-Stormy Daniels news hit the front pages.  Nobody believes that both of their promiscuity is anything other than an open secret but up until now, it was confined to the New York scene.    

Trump could screw around with his fifty dollar floozies and she could score with the head of security and nobody would be the wiser.   

But now she needs to face the public and stand by her man which when your relationship is purely transactional should be a easy but when you are made to look the fool, maybe it's not that easy

Anyway, she won't be traveling to Davos and nobody would be surprised if she moved back to NYC soon under the guise of Baron's schooling.  

Good luck you two, of anybody will get through this, it's you guys. 

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Take on W’s legacy

The boy who cried wolf

When GWB was president and people were calling him a Nazi, it was ridiculous. Yes, he was kind of a dumbass and getting duped into Iraq was horrible but when you look at how much worse if can be, even old W turns it around.

Bush left office with a 34% approval rating, one year into Trump and he's nearing September 2001 territory. This is a common occurrence for last presidents, they are all remembered more fondly than when they were in office. Listening now people will tell you HW was basically Lincoln, Clinton was Kennedy and W was Truman. It's only a matter of time before Obama becomes Ghandi.

Take on Patriotic Balloons

Stormy Daniels starts her Make America Horny Again your tonight at Trophy's in South Carolina and I have to imagine this is the most anticipated event since the time Eric Trump hosted some luncheon for mega donors. I have no idea who this appeals to, I mean, I know whom it appeals to but is there anybody who wasn't going to go to a strip club who decides to go because of Stormy Daniels? From some live reporting, it sounded like Patriotic Balloons outnumbered paying guests 2-1, so it doesn't sound like a rousing success especially because I think Patriotic Balloons is likely code for fake cans which puts the dancer-customer ratio at exactly 1-1.

Take on the shutdown

We're less than two hours for the ultimate apocalypse, think Y2K multiplied by Trump and you don't get to half of it. The government will shit down -or it wont't who the hell knows- and the world will end. Or there will be some minor disruptions at parks and maybe the backlog
of FDA regulations will get a little longer. But I'm sure they'll still give you at full cavity search at the airport and I'm also sure the POTUS will keep his full security detail at Trump Tower.

Actually that is the best thing about this stupid thing, if they do shit down, Trump kind of has to stay in DC and can't golf or participate in his stupid $100k/plate dinner

Take on Trump’s hooker obsession

The visual of an obese pasty nearly 70 year old man man getting spanked with a copy of Forbes magazine after chasing a porn Star around in his tighty whities is one that is now burned into my brain and I'll never forgive the internet for it.   

If there was ever a doubt the pee

tapes were real, I think all doubt has to be gone by now. Maybe those pee tapes don't exist but you know there are some pee tapes out there

Trump is a deviant, one who has probably done tons of nasty things with nasty hookers and he is now sleeping in the same bed that Obama has, so you have to think what he could possibly be doing to that.   

But what got me thinking was that one of the under reporters parts of the Michael Wolff book was the revaluation that Don and Melania sleep in a separate rooms.  It's not that shocking, of course, but I do wonder how old Donnie is getting his rocks off.  Can they be sneaking prostitutes into the White House? Are they waiting till he gets to Mar-a-Lago?  

People need to know.  

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Take on the FakeNewsAwards

Awards shows always suck, the winners are hardly ever in doubt, the speeches are too long and the entire night just drags and tonight's FakeNewsAwards just followed suit.  Not sure who the winners are because, well, the website that Trump linked to gave a 404 error message which is pretty perfect for Fake News.  

So we're left in the dark 

But I guess Chris Cillizza will will win something as will Megyn Kelly and her bleeding whatever.   Joe Scarborough should win something.  Maggie Haberman will win best actress and Rupert Murdock will win the lifetime achievement award for his work this past week

This has a real Bob Guccione, Jr, Andy Secher and Mick Wall feel to it 

I hope Trump threatens to kick Don Lemon's bitchy little ass.  

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Take on Sloppy Steve

Steve Bannon showed up today to be grilled on the Russian involvement in the Trump campaign and our only thought was....What happened to Steve?? He looks cleanly shaven, he is wearing only one button down shirt and even is wearing a tie


Here is our critique
- He still looks sloppy in the same way that I always looked a bit sloppy when I put on a tie in my 20's.
- you can tell this guy has no experience with a tie, is tied way too short, should hit the belt buckle and his hardly hits his belly button
- the button down shirt with the two white buttons to hold the collar down is very Gap
- there is no way he is wearing matching pants
- his Mike Francesa haircut is really disturbing looking
- guy just know he is wearing a yellow stained undershirt which he's going to be stripping down to half way through thus thing

Take on the Rupert-Donald feud

Trump must have either peed in Rupert's Cheerios or he banged his wife because the old Aussie has come out swinging the last few weeks

Front page of the Post had both a shithole and a Stormy reference wrapped into one two days ago, the entire "I have" vs "I'd have" WSJ controversy from a few days ago prompted some unexpired backlash from the dear leader and today the journal broke a story about Javanka possibly being involved with a wacky Chinese business woman who just happens to be old Rupert's ex wife.
So I'm convinced that Trump asked her for a massage and hen banged her and now Rupert is seeking revenge on both of them

Good riddance

Take on the racist.

The least comforting defense is when somebody tells you that they are the least racist person they know.
I know the defense against being a racist is always a bit funny since it almost always involves invoking that one black friend or the fact that you think Halle Berry is hot but when you have a long history (Central Park 5, housing lawsuits, lost Apprentice tapes) you don't get the benefit of the doubt.
What is the best part of this story is that the two senators that denied hearing him say shithole are likely using the semantic defense since there is word he may have used shithouse but then again these guys have all already sold their souls to the devil.

Take on “Pearl Harbored”

Today's false alarm on the ballistic missile heading to Hawaii had me thinking about a real attack on Hawaii, the one from 76 years ago. Pearl Harbor has to go down as one of the most consequential days in American history as it brought us directly into WWII but it also one of the most tragic. That got me thinking that as a kid, when watching WWF there would be times when Gorilla Monsoon or Mean Gene would yell about a wrestler getting Pearl Harbored which meant attacked when not paying attention
Think about that term and how widely it was used then without any thought paid to it. Now think about an announcer today saying a wrestler got 9-11'd or something and tell me how well that would go. That announcer would be thrown out so quickly you'd never hear from him again...either that or we'd elect him president

World has changed I guess

take on stinky Julian

there are a few things in this world that surprise me less than the news that came out that Julian Assange stinks.  Every last thing about him just makes you think that the guy doesn't shower regularly, cuts his toenails in the living room and probably stinks to blue heaven.   

the Times of London came out with a report today that the Ecuadorians want him out, mainly because he stinks..

He kind of dresses and looks like a dirty European and certainly likes playing footsie with some dirty Russians, so it's no shock at all.

 

Take on the s-hole

Did it miss anything today??!?

I spent the day basically locked behind my desk working on a project and when I came out the entire world looked like a complete shithole to me. I can't figure out what it was but the streets we're filled with litter, the highway was littered with cars and the people littering and driving were annoying the hell out of me. It's 2018 and our president is not just a closet racist, he's proving day-in, day-out that he's about of the closet one, too.
But this is what happens when a bunch of trash elects a piece of trash...you get a dump fire and one that nobody wants to step in to put out

Good job America

Take on the fourth grade vocabulary

Let's file this under "not surprised"

A bunch of intellectual types conducted a study to see how Trump's vocabulary, sentence structure and grammar compared to the previous 15 presidents and they found that he finished in...dead...last. This doesn't shock anybody but it is sort of amusing to think the president of the United States has a vocabulary that rivals that of my eight year old daughter since they put it at a fourth grade level.

He'll also be thrilled to find out that Obama was ranked third best vocabulary.

Take on Sloppy Steve

Steve Bannon stepped down from Breitbart today which was a big story in that he just stepped down from his role in the White House and recently stepped into a pile of dog shit called Roy Moore.
Steve Bannon looks like your alcoholic uncle if your uncle needed to wear multiple button downs on top of each other. The guy has a face that looks like it's the catchers glove which has just been through a double header, he has a smile that makes you think of cheese and he has a personality that makes you want to try to kick yourself in the nuts.

The only question now is...how long before FoxNews hires him?!?

Take on Enrico PaTrumpO

There is absolute no chance that Trump actually knows the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner...I mean when they zoomed in on him today, he looked like me when I was standing in front of my fifth grade class during the spelling bee. I have no doubt in my mind that he would have to go complete Enrico Palazzo if the singer just dropped dead and they gave Trump a mic.

And after he is called out for it, he'll attack the haters and the MSM until somebody finds a quote where he critiques Hillary for not knowing the lyrics..he is just that dumb

Take on Oprah

The world (or at least the ones watching the Golden Globes) are ready to anoint Oprah the next president and I'm left to ask..haven't we learned our lesson. We tried this TV star celebrity idea of a non politician and it's working out about as well as could be expected. Oprah could be mother Teresa and Princess Diana rolled into one and I wouldn't be interested. I'm done with somebody who has no experience in government, no record to speak of and no discernible talent other than getting people to watch them on TV
Oprah, do us a favor and please just leave us alone

Take on the really, like, smart guy

I know a thing or two about poorly constructed sentences.  I'm personal friends with bad grammar and spelling mistakes and I've been known to none proofread my stuff before sending it out into the world.  So in those respects, I'm almost the same as the POTUS, he only difference is that he has 40 million followers and I blog for three of my friends. 

This was Trump this morning

Now that Russian collusion, after one year of intense study, has proven to be a total hoax on the American public, the Democrats and their lapdogs, the Fake News Mainstream Media, are taking out the old Ronald Reagan playbook and screaming mental stability and intelligence...

Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart. Crooked Hillary Clinton also played these cards very hard and, as everyone knows, went down in flames. I went from VERY successful businessman, to top T.V. Star..........to President of the United States (on my first try). I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius....and a very stable genius at that!

For one, the first sentence can only be described as "Holy Run-On, Batman!!"   Then it only got worse from there.  I did appreciate his valley girl sentence that read "...my two greatest assets have been mental stability and, like, really smart". This reeked of "I'm like totally great at like many really hard things"

The entire thing just reads of a desperate 15 year old spoiled rich white girl..one that looks like frosty the snowman stuffed into a cheap suit.  

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Take on the last remaining good thing about New Jersey

Living in New Jersey means living through endless jokes by your friends, paying ungodly high taxes and dealing with terrible accents but the one thing we have always had is the dignity of having some poor immigrant lump our gas. And now, like the final season of the Sopranos, they are threatening to take one of the last great things about this state away from us.
There are reports that NJ will soon force their drivers to...gasp.. get out of our steaming hot Highlanders or Suburbans and stand in the cold while we fill our tanks. Where is the dignity in that???

Next they'll tell us Bruce is really from Suffolk County to something and Billy Joel is from Somerset. Kill me

Take on the Hillary email scandal

Another day, another set of new details on Hillary's email scandal...and by details I mean that they are just rehashing the same storyline like a crappy episode of Friends
But this is what FoxNews does, they have somehow turned that Hillary story into a one year sitcom and nothing ever gets resolved. Think Gilligan's Island with Sean Hannity as The Professor, Corey Lewandowski as Gilligan and Ann Coulter as the Movie Star

Take on the Creep

Our president is a world class creep, something many people knew already but somehow his evangelical following overlooked during the election.   In the new Wolff book, there is a chapter where Trump brags about banging his friend's wives which is great and all..of you are a deranged psychopath. 

He'd get his buddies into a room and ask them leading questions about other chicks they banged all while their wives were listening in..them he'd use his charm to seduce them.  Great friend to have, I'm sure

The rest of the book is going to be a doozy 

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Take on the worst people on the earth

Steve Mnuchin is one of the biggest dorks alive and when his stupid wife inevitably leaves him for a younger, richer dude, he's doing to be crushed. She is a total moron and I'm sure she's a horrible human but the fact that she has convinced this loser that she actually cares for him is the best shtick going.
The showed up at the $700+ Mar-a-Lago New Years Eve party and you just know she blew a busboy while old Steve was mingling and then kissed him right on the mouth

She should swallow, she could use the calories

Take on the lack of commercial jet crashes.

Saw a report that there were less murders in NYC in 50 years and there were no commercial passenger jet crashes in 2017, which is comforting in one way and frightening in another. I guess the murder rate in NYC could continue to fall but there is no where to go but...down...for the plane crash thing. I wonder if planes are more safe or if there are just less Russian stolen planes like that Malaysian Air one a few years ago which likely ended up in Kazakhstan. Then there was that other one a few years ago which was shot down by Russian separatists in the Ukraine which everybody seems to have just forgotten about while we all rally around the idea of the Trump-Putin bromance. See if you take Russian takedowns out of the equation there probably haven't been five airline crashes in a decade

But anyway, no plane crashes, only a few people got murdered in NYC, no really noteworthy celebrities died I think and Trump Jong Un didn't blow up the world.

I guess it was a good year