Take on the tax plan, five months later

This Republican Congress will go down as not only an enabler to Trump's craziness but as corrupt a group as ever has been collected. But one thing is for sure, they will have used Trump as much as Trump will have used them. They have wanted a massive tax cut for years and have sold their bases the idea that huge tax cuts to corporations will lead to money trickling down. We all know the only thing that trickles is the piss out of Mitch McConnells' little Mitch.
Even Rubio who has always tried to make himself the next great compassionate conservative now realizes the entire thing was a gigantic scam. Yes, a few people got some $1000 bonuses which is nice and all but completely anecdotal. The vast amount of corporate savings will remain just that, corporate savings. And since the tax bill passed, we have seen almost nothing in terms of stock market gains, so the average American has also not seen growth in their 401k's

Good job passing thing thing Marco.

Take on Michelle Wolf

I had no idea who Michelle Wolf was before yesterday and still sort of don't have any idea. Apparently libs have forgotten the Michelle Obama adage of when they go low because Wolf went low low low low. She was practically doing the limbo when she was done destroying Sarah Sanders. We at this paper have done our fair share of Huck bashing and a good portion of that has been about the absolutely vile human that she is but when it's right in her face because she had the balls to show up to an event her boss was too afraid to come out to, was a bit much.

Trump sucks, Sanders sucks and Michelle Wolf sucks, too.


Oh, and, abortion jokes are never funny.

Take on Joy Ann Reid

I haven't read the homophobic blog posts that Joy Ann Reid made and who knows how bad they really are but when you claim you were hacked it is never a good look. Nobody is ever hacked when something like this comes out, it's always the person and their publicist will always jump to the idea that they've been hacked as the first level of defense.
I didn't see her apology either but when your apology is "I don't remember writing that" it's a shallow lame attempt at contrition. You either live up to your words and ask for forgiveness or you fight because it wasn't you but the half assed "sorry not sorry" thing is lame. The only thing lamer is the praise being heaped upon her from the liberal left for it.

Take on the end of the Korean War

Trump may get credit, or at least demand it but today's announcement finally ending the Korean conflict was certainly historic and he is the president on record during it. I don't think he had that much to do with it as calling Kim Jong Un a Little Rocket Man probably wasn't the straw that broke the camel's back but this may very well go down as his Nixon goes to China moment.
What is almost definitely the cause in the breakthrough is that North Korea had a nuclear site collapse in September after their massive test and everybody knows it. With his nuclear ambitions neutered and a potential Chernobyl situation brewing, Kim had to come to the table and Moon allowed for a graceful out to his counterpart. Why else would they make a 180 in the last few months after being sworn enemies for six decades. It certainly isn't for the haircuts or kimchee they can get there
But I'm happy that this could be a dark chapter which might finally come to an end even if Donald Trump gets more credit they be probably deserves.
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Take on Michael Cohen’s early obituary

Poor Michael Cohen is going to have a rough few months and he's coming off of a few rough months already and somehow we don't think he'll make it.

Apparently he paid Stormy hush money out of his own bank account, he had hoped for Chief of Staff and wasn't even given head of the VA, Trump's denying really knowing hm and there is that little Mueller thing hanging over his head.

Cohen has been Trump's bitch for a while but now the entire world gets to see it and the facade is gone. Trump doesn't seem to respect him at all according to just about every report but still Cohen sticks around like a grade A sufferer of Stockholm Syndrome. Trump is the high school bully and Cohen is the guy who hopes that by kissing his ass, he won't get shoved in a locker.
The problem with a weak personality is that when the going gets tough, those guys sing and that's not good news when Bob Mueller is breathing down your neck. The dude was already living out of a hotel room, you know his wife and kids don't respect him.

I think we see Cohen jump in front of a train as he realizes his choices are spending the rest of his life in the clink or flipping on Trump. He's not built for hard time and he won't be able to handle looking Trump in the eye if he tries to save himself

Take on Ronny Jackson

I'm predicting that Ronny Jackson will have to step down from his nominated position to head the VA within 24 hours. He was already woefully under qualified for the position, seemed delusional (Trump weighs 239lbs LOL) and now its coming out that he has so many skeletons in his closet that he needed a walk-in
The Candyman, as he was affectionately called, was known to give out large supplies of opioids, was rumored to have written himself scripts, got drunk and wrecked a government car. In other words, this guy sounds the life of the party.

Now people are pointing their fingers at the Bush and Obama administration as he seemed to have been universally loved there but how is that a surprise, the guy was handing out pills like they were Halloween candy.

I wonder if he was high when he weighed Trump or if it just Trump's tiny hands that make him look so incredibly fat

Take on John Barron

It took me until this morning to realize that Trump names his last son after his own pseudonym which is about as Trump a Trump move as there ever was.
John Barron has been described by tabloid reporters as a Trump publicist who would call them to brag about the money he had or the women he was bedding and then watched the front pages of the Post and News (and Forbes) explode
This guy was Kim Kardashian and her wretched mother wrapped into one and we elected him to be president.

Take on HW’s last wishes

It's likely that HW won't make it much longer, having just witnessed his wife's funeral, nobody would be surprised if he didn't make it a few more months.
This is, of course, sad for his family and friends and his country will send him off properly with a proper funeral. The only question will be, will the Bush family break precedent and ask the sitting president to NOT attend the funeral, like they did when Barbara Bush was buried this last weekend

Anyway, nobody is rooting for a hasty end to an extraordinary life but whenever it does, let's hope they keep Dirty Don away

Take on Kellyanne

There has never been a more masterful public speaker than Kellyanne Conway, a woman who can make the mountain of a molehill and a molehill into a mountain on the turn of a dime. She completely annihilated Dana Bash on CNN's State of the Union today when Bash decided to go after her husband. This seemed like fair game since the president often goes after spouses but Kellyanne handled it like a complete pro, never getting flustered and completely rocking Bash's confidence
This woman is the best there ever has even, best there ever was. If she could package this talent it would be worth millions

She's also a horrid human being.

Take on Melania and Obama

At Barbara Bush's funeral, Hillary looks aged, Bill looks horny, Michelle looks dashing, Obama looks suave and Melania looks hot to trot. Obama is a more than just a decent man but you have to know that he is well aware when he burns the guy who replaced him. You just know he charmed the pants off of Melania as you just know the two of them probably hate Trump with the same passion and little hands Donnie was fuming at home.
The security guard at the jewelry store in Trump Tower is going to get some good lovin' tonight

take on Big Chris' portrait

news came out today that Chris Christie's official portrait is going to cost the NJ taxpayers $86,000, so Big Chris is really the gift that keeps on taking..

the cost of his portrait is ore than the portraits of his three predecessors combined which has a joke in there somewhere but it's just too easy.

what is more amazing is that Big Chris really hasn't found any spot within the Trump orbit, even Rudy got a job and Chris is sitting on the sideline with a donut in hand and nobody seems to care.

Take on Rudy

It was only a matter of time until Rudy came back and joined the circus. There was a hot minute when Secretary of State Giuliani or Attorney General Rudy didn't sound so far fetched in Trump World but somehow one of Donald's most vocal surrogates got Crispy Cream Christied. We all think that Rudy was being leaked damming Hillary intel, probably from 300 pound guy in basement to Vlad to Julian to Rudy, so who better to defend collusion than the linchpin to the entire collusion story.

With Cohen likely already flipped we now have Rudy -who I once saw at the baseball hall of fame- and Ty Cobb as the only people left defending Trump. Let's play two.

Take on Barbara Bush

Saw a nice post of HW and Barbara walking off to Marine Force 1 and my first thought was, surprised this hand stayed up by her waist. Then again HW liked them a bit younger when he was playing gab-ass.

Barbara Bush seemed like a classy lady who knew how to handle herself in the public eye always sure to not embarrass herself, her husband or her country. She also seemed like she was 100 years old when she was second lady which is shocking since that was 30+ years ago and she was only in her early 60s. That's what's so shocking about getting old myself, these people who seemed ancient were basically just middle aged

Wonder if Trump makes it to the funeral or if he's going to spend the day playing miniature golf

Take on the Mooch sketch

These big I saw the Stormy Daniels sketch the first thought I had was.....The Mooch. Apparently I'm not the only one as it became an instant twitter meme, one which the Mooch himself responded to.
I have to think that the entire Trump world is pretty small, so keeping this close to the vest makes sense.

I'm going this a 99% chance of being true

Take on Hannity

Client number 3 was Sean Hannity which is about as rich as it gets. Just imagine if Obama's attorney had paid off a open star with whom he had an affair, paid off another woman in judging an abortion for a major DNC backer and then represented Rachel Maddow in a real-estate deal. Sean Hannity would have lost his shit but now that it's about him and Cohen it's about his privacy. This is a guy who spends half of his show -to this day- discussing Benghazi, Uranium One, Emails, Podesa and tarmacs while defending POTUS.

When your best defense is "well Hillary" you've lost all credibility.

By the way Tucker looks like he's going to the Trump tanning booth lately, he looks sickly

Take on Franklin Graham

Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.

Franklin Graham who is trying to keep the legend of Billy alive decided to push all his chips to the center today with his quote on FoxNews that said "I just appreciate that we have a man in office that understand the power of prayer and the need for prayer". Maybe he meant salvation instead of prayer because I don't think Donald Trump has ever had a prayer that didn't directly involve himself. If there was ever a man with less morals than Trump, he would basically be Charlie Manson. This is a guy who spends every Sunday on the golf course and hasn't ever met a blond who he didn't want to bang, so please spare me the righteousness Frank.

Take on Syria

The US Military lobbed 187 tomahawk missiles into Syria yesterday in a needed response to the chemical attack on the Syrian people but felt like just another wag-the-dog moment. When we have given up the moral high ground it's hard to justify any action.

What I can't get out of my mind is that although this is likely completely valid something still felt off especially with reports about Russia getting advanced warning. Maybe it's the cynic in me but Trump's "lash outs" over Twitter at Russia over the last few days just seem like a WWE script giving him some perceived cover against the accusations that he's soft on Russia.
Nothing made his true intentions more clear than fact that after his last big anti Russian move by throwing out those 60 diplomats/spies, we invited 60 new ones right back in through the backdoor

All of this is just noise to give him the ability to say he's been tough on Russia when we all know he's nothing more than a big blob of blubber who Putin can morph at a moments notice

Take on the National Enquirer

All the news yesterday was about the $30,000 paid by the National Enquirer to try to bury a story about Trump fathering a child out of wedlock.  I get the friendship between Enquirer head David Pecker and Trump or even that this might be some quid quo pro stuff where Pecker buries this for a promise of exclusive photos from the set of The Apprentice like they do with Gwen Stefani or Paris Hilton 

But then I think about it and before this recent news cycle I honestly never thought anybody took anything in the National Enquirer seriously.    I've always believed that everything was just complete unabashed trash with stories about three eyed fish, kids born from a mother and monkey, Bill Clinton caught hooking up with the neighbors daughter (actually this might be true), Kanye West caught cheating on Kim with Khoe and Kendall and everything else to sell rags to miserable housewives in line at Shop Rite

Even when they were the ones that broke the major story of infidelity a few years ago (John Edwards IIRC) I basically assumed it was the blind squirrel finding the nut. 

If the Trump has a kid with the housekeeper had been published, I would have actually assumed it was fake purely by it being in the Enquirer.  

Sent from my iPhone

Take on Trump’s new sloppy legal advisor

Somehow Steve Bannon is back in Trump's orbit apparently recognizing and accepting that he is actually sloppy. I'm not surprised as Bannon is like a foot fungus, when you finally think you are rid of him, he creeps up on you and Trump is a willing musty foot. Part of what Bannon wants to suggest is firing Ty Cobb which would be interesting if for no other reason than that Trump would then be limited to calling Celino or Barnes since guy can't call both of them anymore
This is the irony of Trump, as much as there are certain people who want nothing to do with him there are just as many who can't get enough of him even after being fired (Bannon, Lewandowski, Stone).
I'm guessing Mueller doesn't make it past this weekend, so that legislation protecting the special prosecutor better get some jet packs

Take on the Mercers

There is starting to get some tailwind to more forcefully tying the Mercer's to the Cambridge Analytica thing being that they funded the thing

But what was more interesting to me is that Robert and Rebekah have to be two of the weirdest looking people ever. I'm always kind of disgusted if you can't figure out if the two people in a photo are a couple, siblings or a father daughter combo and these two don't disappoint.

Robert looks a bit like a mentally ill Phil Hartman with a forehead the size of a small TV screen and Rebekah looks like a cross between Cher and a Cheeto. They have these sinister smiles which you know is fueled by the blood of young immigrant blood and elephant ivory but what is most disgusting is the fact that she looks like a scarecrow and he looks like a guy walking out of a dominatrix's house

Take on Zuck

Mark Zuckerberg sat in front of a bunch of 60 and 70 year old la and tried to explain what Facebook actually is. This is a classic example of these morons being completely inept to discuss anything that has to do with anything related to technology. These are the same idiots who still have @aol.com on their personal email addresses and are likely the same idiots who actually went onto that Cambridge Analytica app to take that personality quiz
But Zuck is no saint and we were glad to see he needed a booster seat and we hope his crappy product gets flushed down the great tank of misery

Take on Kushner 666

The Kushner's are robbing the country blind right out in the open. We all though (hoped) that Jared Kushner would be the reasonable voice in Trump's ear with a moderate political view and -more importantly- a moderate personality. But what we have seen by the Kushner empire is nothing yet. It seems that whenever they need a financial lifeline, the Trump administration cozies up to some despicable kingdom and voila, a new line of credit opens.
I'm starting to wonder who will be the biggest hairball stuck in the drain when they finally drain the swamp...Pruitt or Kushner?

One thing is for sure, we hope that Chris Christie is the one they choose to prosecuted Jared when he's finally lead out in handcuffs

Take on Untrustworthy news

Nobody with half a brain would ever really think that FoxNews is unbiased but somehow they have convinced their viewers that the sky is actually purple. Then they showed a graphic on some show which showed that actually nobody sees FoxNews as trustworthy which is actually the most fair and balanced the network has ever had. But it basically goes like this
Shep Smith is fair and balanced, the rest of them are total partisan hacks or worse yet a bunch of Trump poolboys.

Take on Pat Robertson

Pat Robertson came out with a whopper of a statement when he said he was being dominated by homosexuals. I'd always kind wondered what the 700 club was and assumed it was something similar from the 40-40 club but now it might be more similar to one of those clubs in the West Village. I'm not sure if he's seen as all that attractive but maybe there is a certain appeal to a guy in his 80's who looks like Mr Burns

Take on the Trump economy

I thought Trump was supposed to make sure America was open for business by cutting regulations, strengthening trade and through massive tax cuts for businesses. It hasn't quite worked out that way, most people give the predecessor credit for he first year of a presidential term when it comes to the economy. This isn't all fair but certainly there are residual effects from one administration to another.
Well the economy and the jobs market did grow nicely under the first part of Trump's first year but since November the market's been flat and now hiring has slowed to only 100,000 jobs. Trump takes credit for the market from Election Day, which puts the flat period exactly twelve months after these or making the first 12 months really a continuation of Obama's economy

Nobody wants instability when it comes to their 401k, nobody wants it for their Roth IRA either , the only ones that benefit are the guys driving $100,000 cars and living in $6million homes. Those guys make a killing on instability which makes you wonder why Trump is stoking the fire.

Take on Trump’s bad hair day

Trump had another bad hair day, this one wasn't as bad as it the Darth Vader one from the other day but still wasn't very good. He got onto AirForce One to head over to West Virginia to personally offer every coal miner a job working for below minimum wage at a Trump property on a B-1 visa. But before he got on, like we all in the Eastern seaboard are aware, he realized it was incredibly windy and his stupid hair looked like an electrocuted cat.


Luckily for POTUS this wasn't that embarrassing because his hair started mostly intact but it does reinforce why he like wearing those idiotic red hats

Take on how Scott Pruitt blew it

Scott Pruitt might be gone soon after Trump's less than rousing 'vote of confidence' this week. Between the condo set up like a route 46 motel, with the first class flights, the crazy paranoia fears including a sound proof phone booth. Add it all up and he's not going to survive the week for which we can all breath a sigh of relief. Too bad that sigh will be soot covered as the landscape he will be leaving behind is starting to look like a toxic wasteland all in the name of deregulation

But what is most odd is that he has some weird facial characteristics which remind me of old W Bush. Not sure what it is but he's got that puffy brow, those rat-like eyes, that mouth which looks like a worn vagina and that weird layer of face fat just like a walrus
Maybe they just grow them weird looking down in Texahoma.

Take on the see something say something thing

Apparently the NJ Transit wants you to text 65873 if you see Howard Stern walking around Port Authority which makes sense because he should be at Penn Station
I'm all for this see-something say-something campaign but if you actually spent time in Port Authority you'd know that you'd never get to work if you told them about everything out of place you saw on a given day. Homeless urine, random bags of godknowswhat littering the floor, weird musicians, that one shop that sells six week old beef patties, those weird candy art statues, the Wednesday afternoon Jazz thing but the weirdest thing is that the place that sells macaroons.

It's all a bit odd if you ask me. Who the hell walks into Port Authority and thinks..I need a red velvet stuffed double cookie.

Take on The Trump Dump

Our president just isn't very bright which is a very sad fact but since there were 62 million people who voted for him despite that, is maybe the saddest thing of all. Today Trump spent his morning tweeting from the can about caravans of illegals coming across the border and proclaiming that DACA is dead because of the Democrats.. oh and he threw in a DACA bandwagon to boot

- caravans of illegals is interesting since Fox & Friends had a segment on that exact same thing thirty minutes earlier. Odd for a president who claims he doesn't have time to watch a lot of TV

- Blaming DACA on the dems is interesting since Trump was the one who cancelled the program but facts don't exactly matter

But the biggest head scratcher is the DACA bandwagon since this only applies to people who have already been here for decades so unless the bandwagon is a driven my Marty McFly, it doesn't really make any sense.

But fact for his followers don't matter

Take on the WHITE House

The spring intern class took their class picture and there was a running theme. Except for the orange thing in the middle there were only two exceptions. One Indian girl on the far left and one black dude sitting in literally the last seat on the left, this was a crew of people who would be very confused if somebody yelled out "Taylor" as a twitter commentator noted.
The black kid is sitting so far out that you can almost imagine somebody photoshopping him out. If you look at how the front rower balances, the kid is actually off center since Whitey McWhitey on the right side sits on the inside of the woman standing behind him while the black kids sits to the outside of the woman behind him. The chick in the front row next to the center dude should be told we haven't gotten to Memorial Day yet, the dudes could consider not all dressing like they are going to a funeral except for the one guy in the front manspreading The woman in the back left looks like she is wearing a wedding dress, the one over Trump's shoulder looks like she's rowing out of his ear. There are two girls in the front row who could star in "who wore it better". The one in the middle in yellow looks she drunkenly fell into the girl behind her, the fishnet stockings on the girl next to the black guy are a classy look, the chubby guy at the end of the sitting row looks like he's dropping a deuce and there is one white dude in the back row who forgot his lifts