In addition to all the muscle pain I've had due to the marathon training , I've had some issues which may or may not be related to that pulled nut but let me tell you the pain was not nearly as bad as the doctor's visit. It all started when I was at the gym last week and after a 4 mile run, went to empty the hose and saw a color which was more Merlot than Chardonnay. This is when I knew I was in trouble, I mean I can deal with some discomfort but I don't even like to drink Merlot let along excrete it.
I go in last week to see my doctor, you know the one who likes to play pocket pool with my cue-stick. The guy that makes you drop your pants if you have a sore throat or a runny nose. Well, now I come in with a real unit issue, so this dude's got a smile on his face from Lexington Avenue to the East River. I drop my pants, get in position and get told that I have a UTI!!!! He gets me onto some kind of antibiotic but after the full analysis comes back the lab, he thinks it may be a bit more than just a UTI and tells me to go see a urologist for a sonogram, fun fun fun.
A UTI, what kind of dude gets a UTI? I'm really turning into a chick, first I gotta run with a training bra to avoid bloody nipples, then i have to wear spandex so my fat thighs don't rub together, then I got these fat ankles and now I'm getting a sonogram and buying cranberry juice by the gallon.
I walk into this urologist office and now my life goes from bad to terrible... first he rubs some weird cream all over my gut and gives me that sonogram, luckily he didn't find a kid in there. Then he says "well nothing weird with that but since we gotta figure out what's wrong, we'll have to take a look inside with a camera. Now I know of only one way to get to my bladder and this is when I started sweating bullets. There I am on one of those chairs where your legs get locked into these weird things like I'm about to give birth. Your legs are tied in like one of those thigh machines that always rip my drawers with this Doc and his assistant staring down on poor little Righetti. Now the doc (not the hot assistant) rubs little righetti down with some kind of weird anesthesia, then he squirts some weird goo down the tube, this sensation I can only describe as reverse peeing. Finally they go InnerSpace on me and I feel like Martin Short when they send some telescope with a camera up my unit to get a peak around.. The doctor says "good news no major issues" and then smiles and goes away, I'm left feeling more violated than any man ever should.
Let me tell you it was NOT pleasant, I know I mention it often but my life is not just not very good, quite honestly it sucks
oh yeah, he wants to see me for a follow up in three weeks.
2 comments:
You know what causes UTI's . . . Sounds like you are either not cleaning properly (could be from doing your think in the park sans the proper cleanup procedures), or are having a bit too much fun... either way, your telling of your misfortune made me chuckle. Not at your pain of course (I wish you a speedy recovery... go down the feminine isle and get the special pain killers for the UTI), but at the amusing way that you tell the story.
Now you know how we girls feel after our annual check-ups! Hope the antibiotics have kicked in by now. But if not, ditto rachel's suggestion above.
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