Take on Ronaldo

Pale ended his career in the US, Evander Holyfield boxed years past his prime and sustained -even more/ brain damage and there have been countless athletes who have ended their runs in less than stellar ways but for Ronaldo to move to Saudi Arabia a few weeks after having been benched for Portugal has to be a first. Now he'll be paid handsomely and will be used as the face for an otherwise uninteresting league but you have to think that soccer is really the only sport where players end their careers not on the bottom of the bench but as part of a a complete overhaul. David Beckham did it, I'm sure there are others but to leave it all on the field in the dessert can't be the way this storybook was supposed to end although $75,000,000 makes that a bitter pill which isn't that hard to swallow.

Take on the attractive run

You can take the man out of Pennsylvania but not sure you can take the Pennsylvania out of the man. I'm sure of the fact that this dude ended up passed out in a ditch near the south lifts by 2pm and his buddies had to spend the day scouring the mountain to find him

The good news is this dude will likely be writing a daily blog in about 10 years.

Take on Nick Dick Cannon

Nick Cannon welcomes another kid and it reminds me again that I have no idea why this guy is famous. I know he married Mariah but other than that I have absolutely no clue why all these models are interested i having this Urkel looking dweeb father their children. The guy is kind of rich but these models are likely much richer, so it just doesn't make sense. If he was hung, that would help explain why so many are interested in dating him but to be a baby man for this human turtle ia odd.

Take on the mysterious deaths

Another day, another Putin critic mysteriously falls out of a window. It's been one of those years that having power in Moscow and not being in full lockstep with the Kremlin means that you should not get too close to an open door or window and definitely don't drink anything handed to you by a guy named Boris. But this doesn't resonate here anymore, there is no uproar or anger, just basic indifference because we all assume these guys have a death wish.

Take on the tax returns

Trump's tax returns will finally be released to the public and I’m expecting it to go down something like this

Democrats . Holy shikes. This is huge, he hasn't paid any taxes or made any donations

MAGAs. That make him smart

Democrats. It also makes him a cheat

MAGAs. A smart cheat

Democrats. And he didn't actually donate his salary to any charities

MAGAs Just his mentioning that he would upped charitable donations. He should get credit for that

Democrats. And he's highly leveraged and owes money to some of the worst actors in geopolitical circles

MAGAs. Those banks lent him the money

Democrats. But where there is smoke there is fire

MAGAs. Circumstantial

Democrats. He's going to finally fry

MAGA's. Yeah right

Democrats. You're right. He'll skate again and we I'll go back to this dance in a month with similar results 

MAGAs so who is the dummy??

Take on George Santos

George Santos does one thing well and that one thing he does better than just about anybody. Politicians all lie about some things, they all embellish a lot of things and they can't be trusted with most things but by and large their stories -albeit full pumped up- marginally check out. People who serve in the military typically did, they may not have had as many awards for valor but they did actually wear the uniform. Those who worked on Wall Street did typically get a paycheck from a big bank and those who are part of the log cabiners are actually truly gay. Santos on the other hand couldn't tell you his birthdate without it being a gigantic story.

What is shocking is that somebody from his past never leaked the fact that he was full of crap. Just one anonymous tip from a high school classmate with a grudge would have slammed the door on his career.

Take on the zero china policy.

China ended it's zero Covid policy and they immediately had millions of cases although officially they are still sayings it's a few thousand at most. There are fears about a new mutation but this population has been isolated from the virus until they said "screw it" and went all in. The one thing that has become more clear is we still don't know how this virus passes. I get it from a poorly fitted mask held over my face on a bus but my family avoids it while eating and sleeping in the same room

Take on the Amazon bin

At some point the Amazon guy delivering to my house just said "f it". He took that gigantic blue bin throng they have and just left the entire thing packed full of boxes on my steps and figured what we it will cost him in a penalty is nothing compared to the cost of unpacking that stupid thing when the weather is 11 degrees.

And say I blame him.

Take on 11 degrees

How the hell does it go from 55 degrees this morning to 11 degrees like 12 hours later. When they talk about climate change, I've never been a skeptic because what we had when I was amid doesn't seem to ever happen anymore. We don't get snow around thanksgiving, we don't get a spring. We get snowstorms in March and every time it rains my entire town floods. What I don't get is when people deny things are different

So don't tell me we have nothing to do with this when there is one constant and that is what we have changed.

Take on a twitter break

It's been seven day…seven long days since I've actively looked on twitter. That's not to say I haven't inadvertently opened the app which out of sheer habit I do about 50 times per day. I've tried a few other apps but nothing quite gives me the mix of political commentary, Knicks news, funny memes and breaking news
I also realize that i have become dependent for any info using that. For example when the Mets signed some dude the other day, I heard it like third hand. That's the kind of thing I should have been all over when the news broke.

Take on the bomb cyclone

The bomb cyclone is bearing down on us just in time for holiday travel.    It seems New Jersey will likely be spared but the idea of half the country getting hit with a simultaneous hit of sub zero temperatures and having to spend time with their families sound like a recipe for tons of justifiable murders 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on the Bomb Cyclone

The bomb cyclone is bearing down on us just in time for holiday travel. It seems New Jersey will likely be spared but the idea of half the country getting hit with a simultaneous hit of sub zero temperatures and having to spend time with their families sound like a recipe for tons of justifiable murders

Sent from my iPhone

Take on adult children on Christmas cards

Christmas cards have always been a time honored tradition, one which we fully participate in but things are starting to get a bit out of hand

The good. Photos of kids, dogs, family photos, pictures of various activities, funny settings, Christmas trees, photos in tropic islands etc. Truth be told just about anything is good.

But something happened post pandemic when the world went crazy. My daughter opens an envelope the other day catch and looks at me and says "who are these people?"

I look at the envelope and see it's from a couple we know. The card is one of those nice Shutterfly things with the rounded edges and the blazing Happy Holidays banner with a single photo where they decided to feature just their kids which in theory is a cute idea.

They have five people in the card none of whom are the couple who sent the card which is fine as many adults (myself include) don't put their own photos in.

But this isn't just that. In the middle is a teen girl
With her instagram smile on, to her right is her slightly older brother with a dorky grin. both of them wearing holiday sweaters and holding candy canes. I hadn't seen the kids in a few years and it's very cute

But then I look to the older kid's right and see some fat dude who looks like he just rolled out of a Phish concert in 1998 with a hippy beard and a flannel.
To the left are two other people. Some woman who looks like she works as a corporate lawyer for American Dream and her new balding overweight husband who has a tie on where the back part is slightly longer than the front side. They are both in their 30's.

If this was shtick that would be cool but it looks like this is a genuine photo. The entire crew doesn't have a cringy look like they are being tortured, the tortured part was left to me.

Take on scrotum face

Harvey Weinstein was convinced on three charges including rape and when I caught a look of him, I was wondering if a man has ever looked more like his own scrotum. There can't be a less attractive human than Weinstein and the thought that any woman would willingly be in a room -let alone have sex with him- is inconceivable

Maybe he can get a facelift or a ball sack lift before spending the rest of his days in prison .

Take on scrotum face

Harvey Weinstein was convinced on three charges including rape and when I caught a look of him, I was wondering if a man has ever looked more like his own scrotum. There can't be a less attractive human than Weinstein and the thought that any woman would willingly be in a room -let alone have sex with him- is inconceivable

Maybe he can get a facelift or a ball sack lift before spending the rest of his days in prison .

Take on the penalty shootout

this has been the best World Cup I can remember, so much drama, so many great games, so many players representing their countries with such poise and excellence

Maybe having it in December before the best players are worn down from club play actually is a good idea many of whom are coming off of 40 game seasons when we play this in the summer.

The finals were amazing, one of the best pure soccer games you will see with Argentina dominating for 80 minutes and then Mbappe putting on a show that nobody will ever forget.

The only issue is that, like two games in the quarter finals, this game had to end with the penalty shootout. Obviously it thrilling and the pressure on the players is immense but as anybody who has watched any level of soccer will tell you, it's not soccer.
We don't end the World Series with home run derby, we don't finish the NBA finals with a dunk contest and there is no reason we end the World Cup in a shootout. Maybe allow more substitutions with every 15 minutes over overtime. Maybe go back to the golden goal, maybe treat each 15 minutes by itself, maybe be creative but don't end it this way….and that's from somebody who was rooting hard for Argentina.

Take on Messi

I read an article the other day that Lionel Messi scans the field 3 times as often as virtually ever other player. I'm not saying compared to some U14 player but all other players playing in the top divisions of soccer throughout the world.

So I've been watching the World Cup last few games knowing that and you can see how much Messi scans. It's incredible.

What it comes down to is that he's taking in 3x as much information as Pulisic for example.

The article said you can't teach it. It's not like of Pulisic started to scan 3x as much it would translate into anything. If anything, it would be information overload. It's like Messi has a computer processor that's three times as good as the next guy.
It's like he is playing this game of chess where he's constantly processing what happens and can happen and what the trends are. So he's able to find these gaps and creases that nobody else sees because he was able to anticipate it. If your mind is normal for a top player, you wouldn't be able to anticipate it because when he makes his move there is nothing there. A regular player sees that and would know that there is no viable option but somehow he processes it and knows that by his teammate making a slight adjustment up the field it will lead to another movement defensively. Which will force another player into a gap and then opensy it up a space that wasn't there.
It's like he's playing a game of chess and can anticipate a dozen steps into the future while everybody he competes with is basically going "pawn to E6" and calling it a day

Take on the bar rules

It's been a while since I've been in a NYC bar out apparently there is a huge problem. All over the men's room there are signs warning you to not take cigarettes from people you don't know. Not sure what people are slipping inside of them but it just reminds me another reason i don't go to bars anymore. It's been a decade at least since I've had more than a couple of drinks in a night and even then they are spread apart and often with a big meal but the idea of standing in a crowded place inhaling second hand Covid while sipping on an $8 CoorsLite lost its pizzaz a while ago

Take on the big announcement

Wow..holy cow..I'm floored

Trump teased this big announcement because he's pissed that Elon is getting all the "crazy guy with way too much sway over his minions" press…..and was it ever a dud. Speculation was that he was going to run for Speaker of the House or that he was going to announce the pillow guy as his running mate but instead he decided to offer baseball cards with his face on them.
Now we know the Trump followers are mindless sheep but this seems even a bit ridiculous for them.
Plus the NFT market is so February 2022

Take on the insecure loser

Everybody seems to have turned all their attention ruin away from Trump and towards Elon and there is a obese orange man screaming at a TV in his retirement home down in Florida who isn't happy about it. We have finally found a villain who can take Trump off of the front page and somebody suck the oxygen out of the entire room.

So although he suck's, thanks Elon

Take on the Respect for Marriage Act

President Biden signed into law the Respect for Marriage Act today and then had the White House lit up in rainbow colors. Obviously this act was long overdue and although getting it passed seemed unthinkable years ago but also seemed completely inevitable now. I have to think that this will go down in the history of this country very much like the civil rights movement has. Almost insane to think that any rational human would have opposed civil rights movements then and you know the only ones opposing the RFMA are just a bunch of bigoted jackasses which leads to the other great thing about this passing

Just the thought of those losers getting their panties in a bunch for this makes it even better poetic justice

Take on SBF

The Sam Bankman-Fried saga continues today with his arrest in the Bahamas which was a it surprising only in that it wasn't announced which (likely many) crimes he's being arrested for. I'm sure it will be money laundering but that doesn't feel big enough in this case. One thing this dude has done for the last few weeks is tried to make himself out as an over-his-head frat boy while he has spent the rest of his career trying to convince us all the opposite. I'm saying he's a frat boy who could use a shower and a haircut and he knowingly defrauded millions, both can be true

Take on the amplified noise.

Forget how incredibly dumb these people are for not understanding the difference between a noun and a pronoun but the fact that they all believe that Fauci is responsible for millions of deaths is worse It's an embarrassment that our country is lead by a political party which believes this but what is strikingly more dangerous is that Elon isn't just allowing this on twitter, he's basking in it. And it's only getting worse, before he'd like something but now he is literally posting it and anybody still left on the app will tell you that his own tweets are so far amplified over everything else, it's authoritarian.

Take on Kuerig

It's taken me a few years but there is really nothing worse than the tar piss that comes out of one of those Kuerig machines. How the hell these things are so popular is beyond me and just proves that we as a country have absolutely not sense of taste.

It's amazing how they have ten thousand options of coffee and somehow every one of them sucks. The coffee is weak and it all has a flavor like you are sucking on a bath balm.

Take on Krysten’s football pull on Charlie Schumer

The democrats fought tooth and nail to get to a 51-49 majority and just as they can take a breath, Krysten Sinema does what she always does and pulls the football away from Charlie Schumer.

I do think she waited to make sure Warnock was in and I'm sure Chuck and the gang weren't totally shocked by her intentions but it reminds me again how absolutely ludicrous the entire concept of the Senate is. Joe Manchin goes back to being the most pivotal member of the caucus giving a guy representing one of the smallest states in the union, probably the most power.

As much as the house is a raucous collection of bored apes and gutter cats, at least they represent the wide craziness of our country. The Senate was always the "gentleman's chamber" but has basically turned into its own cesspool but one that doesn't adequately represent anybody.

Take on 1900-909-jeff

When I was a kid, you wouldn't follow a celebrity on instagram or buy one of their branded lip gloss but we would have the opportunity to hear directly with the biggest superstars in the world for a measly $1.99 per minute. There were hundreds of these things but none were more catchy and rang more true than the 1-900-909-JEFF which I can still hear in my head this day.
I wasn't dumb enough to actually call one of these hotlines but I have to imagine the one thing you learned from calling was how quickly you could lose $20

Take on the crazy salary

Aaron Judge scared the hell out of New York fans last night but then conceded and agreed to a $360M deal with the Yankees. I'm not one who will knock these players for making a their money. They are the ones bringing the talent, no reason they should've be able to capitalize on that

But it's amazing that in my lifetime I remember hearing about Nolan Ryan as the first million dollar baseball player. These guys are making 40 times that now and honestly you have to think that before it's all said and done, some dude will make $100M in a year.

Take on 51

I can't believe we had to actually go to a runoff as Hershel Walker is an absolute moron and one of the least qualified people to ever run for higher office. How the hell somebody in Georgia would vote for a meathead who can't string a sentence together over a well spoken, intelligent pastor at MLK's church is beyond me but the fact that it's close tells you how screwed we are in the long run because decency, character and qualifications almost lost to touchdowns and CTE.

Take on Covid rules

We're finally ready to start living a bit again and here I find an article on CNBC about Covid living on groceries. I'm thinking to myself that the idea of keeping my groceries in the garage for three days just isn't something I'm ready to go back to.

But mostly I think we are owed an autopsy on Covid. What did we do right, what did we do wrong, what was just nuts??
Just now, dealing with my second bout, you cannot find a definitive answer on anything.

Is it safe to be around your dog? Nothing definitive and most articles are two years old
How was it most likely transmitted to me? Every article is from back in 2019
How many days are you contagious? There are more articles that conflict one another than there are Elon tweets

Walked into a doctor office this week and they still asked if I had loss of taste or smell which I don't think anybody has reported in years.

Why aren't there mask wearing gauges when we should be masking up again? We can't even get good unbiased information from anywhere


We need a one page fact sheet cause this is just idiotic at this point.

Take on the Hall of Fame,

The Crime Dog is making the hall of fame which I guess is great but there was never a part of the teenage me who thought to himself that Fred McGriff was one of the all time greats. The same day as McGriff's announcement we were reminded that guys like Bonds and Clemens and ARod can't ever sniff the ball of fame all the while they have guys like. Gaylord Perry and Big Pappi in there because those guys cheated but were ambassadors for the game.
The entire thing is lame and morning. They need to set up a new HOF with only the all time greats in and whenever you want to add somebody in, you have to remove somebody else.

That will keep it interesting.

Baseball is like 110 years old, so I'll find you 55 players in. Every two years one new played comes in. If you want two, then you gotta drop on of the 55.
That would actually make it not boring f.

Take on the USMNT

Although obviously conflicted, I was pulling for the USMNTas it would be so powerful for US Soccer but they ran into a better and more disciplined team.   

Not scoring in that first 5 minutes was the US's best chance as it could have forced the Dutch team to play a different game as they seem to love to play off the counter.   

First goal to me was textbook hitting the trailer when the defense had overcommitted to the goal line.  

The second goal killed the US, they had chance after conceding that goal in extra time.   You could see they were just hoping to get to half and gave up mentally. Inexcusable 

They came out without a single good adjustment in the second half.  They gave away the Dutch right wing all night and they were beaten over and over again. 

To me it came down to two things

defensive miscues, watching those plays happen in real time, you could see the US defensive line had broken down and had lost their matchup. Not manning up and everybody playing the ball was awful 

But mostly the US doesn't have any strikers.   There just aren't enough good players who can make a difference with the ball of their foot around the 18. 

Four years is a long time and although the USMNT is young, they aren't that young either. Opportunities don't come that easily and they need to take advantage of everyone of them. 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on a rise in Covid

What the F?? I got boosted 15 days ago, wear my mask all the time in public spaces and have generally avoided too many people but for at least the second time, I got Covid. It's not just that I'm going through this misery again, it's that it seems I did what I could to avoid it but now I'm back in quarantine locked from my family and the outside world. Five days of TV, podcasts, crosswords and lots of sleeping.

Actually this doesn't sound half bad

Take on the colonoscopy prep drink

Three hours in to my colonoscopy prep and I gotta say this has come more quickly than that bad enchilada in Mexico and more furiously than after those Rocky Mountain Oysters in China. There has been nothing fun about the last few hours and knowing I got another 12 ahead of me isn't sitting well.

I am deathly afraid of straying more than a few feel from the bathroom

God help my family