Take on the love affair gone wrong

Maybe Kim Jong-Un and Trump are on a break. I can't really explain why their love affair has died but the love letters aren't cutting it anymore and abort Korea has been warning of a Christmas surprise. Maybe he's sending Trump some new golf clubs but I'm afraid that it's more nuclear than a Big Bertha

Anyway, let's hope it's just a lover's quarrel

Take on the Gallup poll of most admired man

Gallup Poll runs a most admired man poll each year and Obama won it for 11 years running until this year when Donald Trump tied him. Obama can claim his 12th victory but having to share the honor with Trump kind of makes it not much of an honor. I can't imagine what Trump did in the last twelve months to make him more admired than last year so can only imagine that Obama dropped as he fades out of our every day consciousness. Either that or we live in a country of idiots.

Take on Obama’s book club

Obama took the end of the year to troll Trump. He did it in the absolute perfect way...by revealing his favorite books of the year. Trump responded with giving his list of favorite sandwiches at McDonald's. This is where we are, an extra president who is well read and thoughtful and a current one who can't spell and acts like a baby.

But of course it could be worse...if the entire world got hit by a meteor today

Take on the Russian Death Star

The Emperor has been pulling the stings on his apprentice for years and has single handily turned an impressive US standing worldwide into a laughing stock. But now the empire has taken onto a new phase, which Vader was busy keeping the resistance occupied, the Emperor has been amassing and amazing amount of technology and built his very own super sonic killing machine. We're talking a new intercontinental, hyper sonic human destroyer which has become operational. I'm expecting The Emperor to test it by obliterating a small country in the alliance, maybe Ukraine or Lithuania and then set it's sights right at the head of the rebel base.

Can't say George Lucas didn't warn us.

Take on Mitch’s campaign

The idea of Mitch McConnell facing a tough election is music to my ears. Nobody has done more damage to this country- this side of Donald Trump-than the turtle and the thought of him being sent off is just too good.
I doubt that a Democrat will will in Kentucky but then again look at the Roy Moore situation two years ago. I know it's always a rare moment but maybe the time is right. Who knows maybe they will find that Mitch has been a dirty boy and his entire campaign comes crashing down.

Take on Rudy’s nativity scene

Rudy is getting crazier by the second which seems to happen with elderly people fighting dementia. Today he posted a picture of a nativity scene with Mary looking at her baby surrounded by Joseph, a few wise men (or farm hands), some barn animals and..a golden retriever.

Not sure when golden retrievers started becoming popular but I kind of doubt 2000 years ago they were a thing. Rudy doesn't seem to care much as he's on one of those self destructive flight paths which hopefully takes the orange menace down with him.

Take on the retail spending spree

Trump boasted about holiday retail sales being up 3.4% and congratulated America. I was a bit confused as it was unclear if he was congratulating retailers for making money which he convoluted with "America" or if he was congratulating Americans for now owning 3.4% more worthless crap which their aunts and coworkers felt obliged to give them

Either way, I feel like this is actually a time we should be mourning a loss not congratulating a victory because I'm not sure what I'm going to do with these fake Air Pods

Take on Bloomberg’s convicts

Mike Bloomberg tried to save a few bucks by hiring a bunch of cons to make calls on his behalf and when he got caught he immediately went into apology mode.   It's obviously makes for some weird optics but he'd do a lot better embracing it and saying that he wants to give people a chance to rehabilitate themselves...either that or next time splurge on a call center of ex-cons since that's honestly all you could ever expect to get at a place like that. 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on the sham senate trial

Trump's latest defense against being removed from office is that in his eyes if the democrats ran a sham impeachment, the senate should run a sham one in the Senate too.
Of course nobody actually believes Trump is innocent of anything but we are all aware that he's likely to get away with it as he has a more loyal following than any president in history. The stain of impeachment won't hurt him with his loyalist, only emboldening them which is even more problematic.
The chance of him being re-elected seem more than just a faint possibility at this point and unless there is a record turnout I'm thinking that we are staring right down the barrel of another Trump victory

Take on the Rush-Trump lunch

Thrice divorced Rush Limbaugh had lunch with twice divorced Donald Trump at Trump's crappy golf course as the two likely discussed Trump's latest defense strategy and his Rush could help sell it to his legions of sycophants.
This is who we are, a country run by a couple of old guys in their 70s who can't keep their pants on yet the Christian Right adores. I'll never understand any of it.

By the way, Trump desperately needs a brassier

Take on yet another big moment for Susan Collins

We're at that part of the story where Susan Collins is looked upon as the savior of the republic which always ends after some humming and hawing and some deep internal strive with Collins deciding with heavy heart to support Donald Trump. We've been here, we've done that, we've seen how this movie plays out and I'm not interested in the sequel. The chances of Trump actually being removed from office is minuscule and nobody expects any kind of real trial in the senate as long as Turtle McConnell is running the show but still it's the right thing to do as we need to recognize that nobody is above the law.

But to put any faith in Collins is foolish

Take on Sarah Sander’s Biden quip

Big Huck made it back into the news today when she mocked Joe Biden for his stutter during the debates. She tried to cover it up but eventually had to pseudo apologize with about as much sincerity as a sea otter. This is the same woman who was butt hurt over the mascara joke a few months ago but feels it perfectly fine to attack another person on a disability.
Christian values knows no bounds apparently.

Take on the Melania signature

The White House has sent packages to senators with a Christmas card, some well wishes for the new year and a copy of the letter to Nancy Pelosi

What is particularly odd -past the entire letter thing- is that the Christmas cards are signed by Trump, Melania and Barron. Barron's signature is distinct and is typical of a kid but both Trump and Melania's look like they are written in identical weird font. It's as if Trump is signing the Christmas cards for Melania which he couldn't possibly need to do, would he???
I'm stating to believe this Weekend at Bernie's Melania theory or the pool boy one

Take on the impeached President

We all expected it but at about 9pm today, the house formally impeached the president. Two
articles were served and they passed basically down party lines with Tulsi voting "present". This makes Trump one of three presidents to have been impeached but we are all well aware that a conviction in the Senate is far from assured. Actually with Kangaroo Mitch at the helm, this won't go far at all and we'll all be left that much more dissatisfied over this entire process and more
mortified over what he'll do to the office of the presidency

This will come down to early November when we go out and vote which will send an even stronger message to Trump

Take on the Trump letter

Trump continues his crusade of embarrassing himself and our country with a letter which makes TOR sound like Shakespeare. For a guy who claimed to use the best words, who claims to have finished at the top of his class at Wharton and has called himself a very stable genius, he certainly comes across as a nutbag.

The letter reads like the kind of thing The Unabomber would have left, I'm just shocked he didn't cut out words from People magazine and paste them randomly onto a piece of paper.

Take on the debates

Trump is talking about skipping the debates mostly so he won't have to answer any questions from people not friendly to his cause. This serves another purpose which is that it doesn't allow for the democratic nominee to get to debate the incumbent which allows him to delegitimizing them in his own way. Without the ability to debate him, they can't put themselves at his perceived level, they will look like the little kid in the playground trying to get the attention of their older brother. This is obviously not true but in a country where 63million morons voted for him, any opportunity to not give the democratic nominee a voice is a win for Agent Orange

Take on Nancy’s teeth

Trump needs to hit the golf courses because the more time he spends at home, the more damage he does to our country. Today he went after Pelosi claiming she has fake teeth. Pelosi's teeth never bothered me but it seems to hit the perfect note when it comes to Trump's supporters. Nothing like insulting the looks of a grandmother to get Trump's supporters all moist.

Take on Van Drew

Jeff Van Drew is going to switch parties to get closer to Trump which is wonderful news for a guy about to lose his sophomore election


I can't imagine supporting a Trump through all of this but always imagined the GOP would go with the "he got Conservative judges onto the courts, so
I'll live with the cheating/stealing/racism/xenophobia" but they aren't doing that, they are all going in full boat with no apologies and they have added new people like Van Drew.

We are so screwed

Take on the tricky dick situation

As the impeachment list grows from the major newspapers in the country, I offer a cautionary tale. Trump is obviously guilty but unless he's convict and thrown out, he will use that as another "goal exoneration."
The Democrats need to keep this in the house and contour to call witnesses and draft additional articles, just continuing to cast the spell on the legitimacy of Trump as president. If they are noy stone cold lock sure, they can't go to the senate and give him that ability declare victory

Take on the Hukatraction

Mike Huckabee took a page out of a Trump's own playbook and started a fire in a dumpster to detract from the real story of the day. With his argument that Trump should be allowed a third term he got exactly the reaction he was hoping for and took all the steam off of the impeachment hearing for the hour.
This is what scares me, legitimate news is upended, journalism is annihilated and we all asked to bow down to the king of Trump which without some major Russian pull could not possibly be doable

Take on Little Trump

Every time Donnie Trump Jr. makes the news it's for something awful. It's either for leaving his wife and kids for some FoxNews floozy, for being told he can never sit on another charitable board, for defending his dumb dad against for another dumb thing he did but the one that makes my blood boil is when he hits the news for shooting an animal. He doesn't just go deer hunting, he doesn't shoot pheasants. No, Donnie likes to shoot endangered species or a giant elephant.
What the hell does he get out of killing the most majestic beasts on our earth??

Take on the Judaic nationality

Trump is going to sign an order declaring Judaism a nationality which is odd since a nationality signifies a connection to a country. People are saying this is a play for the Jewish vote but I think it actually is a step marginalizing American Jewish people who will now be seen as having a split nationality. They can't just be American any longer but now they'll be Jewish and an American which will only force the uncomfortable question of loyalist
Anyway, Kushner pushed this so maybe it doesn't have some antiSemitic undertones but whatever it is. Trump is leading the charge which makes you expect the worst possible outcome

Take on the articles of impeachment

The least surprising breaking news article of the month came across my phone with notification that the house would introduce articles of impeachment. Of course people like Ari Fleicher immediately called for them to be thrown out as he thinks they were created under false pretenses but there is nothing surprising about the GOP hobnobbing Trump all the way to the impeachment trial

The senate will take on the trail which will fall flat on its face not because it doesn't have merits or kegs, but because the GOP will cower in front of Lord Trumper

Take on the Saudi payoff

Trump announced today that the victim's families will be getting a payout from the crown prince and the kind of Saudi to cover their losses after the Pensacola shooting this last week. It's like these guys are running Geico and in 15 minutes or less you can make sure you are protected against a lawsuit or worse
Who know what these criminals knew, after Kashogi I don't believe a word out of their mouths but the fact that Trump announces this payoff tell you how morally corrupt a man he is

Take on the Billionaire car crash

When a Russian billionaire was killed last week it seems shady. Mostly because Russians dying in England almost always seem to invoke some Kremlin type foul play but also because what billionaire lives off a street where you can be struck by a car

We know this doesn't smell right and it likely had Putin behind the wheel but it will now be up to the British to investigate and when they find out it's got Vlad's finer prints on it, decide if they will do something which is unlikely

Take on self conscious stupidity

Trump claimed today that the CNN report of him using a personal cellphone was fake news which he did on Twitter from his personal cell phone. This is the beauty of Trump, he is so self conscious that when he sees attacks -no matter how trivial-when threatened that there is no part of him which could even think that waiting for a second could do him good. He is like a blood thirsty wolf, the second he sees an attack on him he attacks back regardless of who it is.
The difference between the wolf and Trump is that Trump is the leader of the free world and the wolf is is the second cousin of Lassie

Take on the push up contest

Joe Biden has has some week

First another moderate joined the race making his path to victory that much murkier, then he came out with a great campaign video knocking Trump being the laughing stock of the entire NATO alliance, then Kamala dropped out who had gone after him in one of the debates and finally he got so annoyed at some old guy that he challenged him to a push up contest.
I like my president a bit feisty although with Biden it often feels like it's just him frustrated that he lost his dentures. Anyway, keep beating on Trump, consider Kamal as your VP and hopefully -for your sake- Obama will come and actually acknowledge your existence.

Take on the laughing stock

Trump has told us for years that we need a president who isn't a laughing stock and like most things he does, it's just a self fulfilling prophecy.

The world leaders all hung out a cocktail party mocking him for being late and he then abruptly left Europe in anger and disbelief

Few notes. I didn't actually think that what they were saying was that bad. Basically just saying he is late for running a press conference which is more fact than criticism.

But Trump care more about perception than content so he immediately did what he always does and got angry. 11 more months till election, somebody keep an eye on Ginsberg

Take on the Prince Andrew-Trump connection

Trump claims he doesn't know Prince Andrew despite a dozen photos showing up online of the two alleged rapists hanging together
The best photo was one fearing Trump, a slutty Melania, Prince Andrew and hiding in the background one Jeffery Epstein, is this isn't the perfect photo, I'm not sure what is. Trump is a total pervert and perverts like to hang with other ones apparently.

Take on the love hate relationship

We've been waiting for two years but finally George and Kellyanne interacted in public. It seems long overdue and there is no bigger defender of Trump than she is and no louder critic than him but somehow he's avoided direct criticism of her Goebbels-esque role in this administration....until today.
We've all questioned how these two people can even stand in the same room let alone sleep in the same bed and there are really only two possibilities

- the sex is just primal rage
- she is "anonymous"

I guess there could be the possibility that both are true or that neither are but I doubt that as I refuse to believe that two people can stay in a committed relationship if one of those two things isn't bonding them together.

Take on John Kennedy

Senator John Kennedy must have some dirty dirty secrets in his closet. I'm talking dead prostitutes level secrets because there is no way that a member of the US Senate can be this dumb. These people are privy to the best intelligence, sit with every piece of government research at their disposal and still people like Kennedy have justify protecting Trump, regardless of how ridiculous is sounds. He went from Chris Wallace last week where he peddled a conspiracy theory to claiming he misheard the veteran newsman to doubling down and going all Putin on Meet the Press today.
There was once a thought that giving senators a six year term allowed them to deal with crisis in a non partisan way giving them protection from the voters and allowing them to do what is right for their country. Sadly they don't seem to do this at all and instead do the exact opposite carrying Trump's water instead of protecting our country and the constitution

Take on Joe’s lame campaign bus

Joe, please go away

I am resigned to the fact that we'll likely have a Joe Biden candidacy which is as uninspiring as a turkey gravy siphoned through a gym sock. He's so obviously not capable to do this job and seems he'll make Ronald Reagan look like Einstein up there. We'll still support him, of course, but his new No Malarkey themed bus is about as lame as it gets

Can't believe the worst thing Trump has come up with is Sleepy Joe.

Take on Mick’s terrible outfit

Sent from my iPhoneMick Mulvaney stepped off the unannounced flight to Afghanistan -which appears like the biggest ruse to cover up the fact his boss can't play golf after losing use of his left arm- and tried to take the spotlight by dressing like John Daly meets my accountant.
He showed up with this awful American flag shirt, which I thought was against flag code by the Aya, and topped it with an idiotic Space Force hat which really completed his "I haven't been laid in three years" look

The guy is really one of the biggest dweebs on staff and that's saying a lot.

Take on Charlie Kirk

When Charlie Kirk isn't kissing Trump's ass he's....actually there are almost no
times where he isn't kissing Trump's ass. Today he spent the day telling everybody that Trump flew to Afghanistan to visit the troops but that unlike previous presidents he wasn't using it as a photo op What was funny was that he tweeted along a video taken from a professional camera crew. Team Trump also immediately started posting a campaign video using footage from the trip which showed that either Kirk was a liar or a moron...or both


Anyway, these are the people who defend Trump, a complete band of sycophants

Take on Donald Balboa

Trump posted a Rocky photo with his own head superimposed on it and the wrath of Twitter was as expected. Comments ranged from commenting that his actual body looks like a bag of potatoes to people saying that unlike Trump, Rocky wasn't afraid to take on the Russians.
Rocky showed heart and guts while Trump shows the world his gigantic white ass.

I'd love to see a trump try to run up those steps one night, he'd have that massive heart attack he claims the media said he already had.

Take on Hunter

Politicians all have regrettable family members, Bill
Clinton had his brother, JFK had brother Ted, Obama had his nutty uncle, Hillary had Bill, Reagan had that weird son, HW had his DWI having coke snorting son and Trump has the dumb son and the other one.

It's all part of a great right wing conspiracy but it's working on me. I'm sick and tired of Hunter Biden, i don't like him canoodling with his dead brother's widow, I don't like him gathering a kid with another woman while canoodling with said widow, I don't like him on the Burisma board, I don't like him smoking crack at a strip club, I don't like him not tipping a waitress at a Cracker Barrel, I don't like him ripping a giant fart at church, I just don't like him

Take on Donald’s Pecker

Sent from my iPhoneTrump's been protected for years by the National Enquirer which has held a number of stories damaging to Trump. Rumor is that after his election David Pecker took the vault and had all the Trump documents shredded.
Well the human mind is an incredible thing and a bunch of New York prosecutors are making sure to see how well the mind really does work. We're sure there are a ton of stories that were part of the catch and release thing that would make for very interesting headlines today, let's just hope Pecker thinks with his head and spews all he's got all over the prosecutor's desks.

Take on Lev’s last stand

Just when the House was ready to spend a week eating turkey and pretending to care about their constituents, another bombshell was dropped in their laps. The Soviet born, Giuliani client has flipped on Rudy and is ready to reveal all. We're looking at audio and video of Rudy and Trump likely doing all sorts of Rudy and Trump things including some prostitutes and pee.
We might be looking for a Christmas Day surprise

Take on the most frightening words in thee English language

Sent from my iPhoneThere are no more terrifying words in the English language than Ruth Bader Ginsburg has been hospitalized. We are getting reports like this much more regularly lately and it feels inevitable that one of these days the words won't end with "and she is expected to be OK". We know we are squarely in McConnell territory here with the election mess run a year away although nobody expects Mitch to actually have any morals or consistency

But what all this reinforces are two actions that will shape the high court for decades

The stolen Garland seat and the abrupt retirement of Justice Kennedy's seat squarely in the middle of the first Trump term. We know the first one was near criminal but the second act was likely covering up for Kennedy's Deutsche Bank son

Take on Devin Nunes

Well there you have it. Everybody has been wondering why Devin Nunes seems so infatuated with Trump and has made defending him his life goal but apparently their relationship is more than just transactional. They have this weird affection for each other that goes from Washington DC to somewhere in Kiev. Anyway Nunes seems to be up to his eyeballs in cow dung right now with the two Guiliani goombas flipping on him and willing to go full blown Sammy the Bull on Devin the Cow

Take on Glenn Beck

Sent from my iPhoneGlenn Beck disappeared for a decade and all of a sudden reappeared and now looks like he ate the KFC colonel. He's gotten fatter and weirder looking and decided that adding a goatee would make him look less fat and creepy when, in fact m, it has the opposite affect.
Anyway, he's one ugly dude and he's back to being a weird alt right sympathizer after having seemingly come to his senses some time ago.
Oh well, he still looks like a kid toucher

Take on Trump’s terrible, horrible, no good very bad day

Sent from my iPhoneGordon Sondland jumper should and very quickly put the onus of the Ukrainian mess on the entire Trump inner circle. In the meantime Rudy's Ukrainian associate seems to have flipped, Ken Starr thinks the GOP should march to the White House to demand his resignation, Jim Jordan just covered up a other crime and poor Devin Nunes is having a cow...or suing one

This was some day for Team Trump who have spent their entire month moving goal posts that at this point we're playing football somewhere in Siberia.

The slow drip is turning into the Niagara Falls

Take on the lack of humanity in Jim Jordan.

There really is nobody who dresses worse than Jim Jordan. He always had that Sleepy's mattress progressional look going which I don't mind if he didn't pair it with his "don't say anything when somebody is being sexually assaulted" look

More than anything, he's turned from a accessory to a crime to a complete breathing and walking creep and you just expect him to stand up and expose himself the next time somebody won't release the name of the whistleblower. Which is funny because he could have been the one who blew a whistle on the guy at Ohio State but he was too busy.

Take on FartGate

Eric Swalwell was on Chris Matthews show today and ripped a tremendous fart on live television which was glorious in its delivery, longevity and pure bravery. He stops mid-sentence and rips one that would make men proud, women blush and small children fall over in agony.

He denied it later which is so lame, this is the kind of notoriety people die for and this loser tried to shove it back into the can

Take on Twitter moments

I often swipe over to Twitter Moments to make sure I haven't missed a major event in the world. Some days they give me something I haven't paid attention to or alert me to a international event which got buried in my US Politics heavy twitter feed.

The Twitter moment thing has it's value but whenever you get curated news it comes with problems. It's not all the news that's fit to print as much as it's all the news that we want you to be exposed to.

But today it was actually ludicrous, they repeated the -already debunked- White House story about Trump beginning his physical a few months early when the entire world was already aware he had suffered chest pains and the fully equipped White House medical staff felt it was important enough to rush him over to Walter Reed.

Just give us the news without the spin Twitter

Take on the unannounced medical checkups

Trump spends nearly every weekend day doing the least amount of physical activity while actively sporting. He drives around in a golf cart on his one crappy courses and cheats his way to a bunch of wins. But today he decided to pass on the golf and instead spend the day habing doctors probe his five hole for loose pieces of Devin Nunes
Truth is that he went in for something else, hopefully it's nothing serious and is just something that a little diet and some exercise can take care of but then again that's asking Trump to diet and exercise is like asking him for his first daughter which he's not willing to part with. His second one on the other hand is for the taking

Take on Roger Stone

Sometime in February, Roger Stone will be sentenced after being convicted on all counts today which will mean that the old gang will all be back together. Stone, Cohen, Manafort, Gates and Georgie P will go down as the henchmen who worked to empower and then protect Trump but leaving just enough of a trail of lies and deception that history will not see their old boss anything but a crook.
For all that was awful about Nixon, he did eventually step down and there is nobody who expects Trump to follow suit. He will go down swinging while the GOP in congress will spend the next 6 months trying to figure out how to both publicly cling to and publicity release from the sinking ship. The defections have started and at this point the march to the lifeboats has a lot more traffic than the reverse.

But this is where we are, we are holding hope that today is a continuation and not the end to the Trump incarcerations

Take on the Supreme Court battle

Trump is battling the release of his taxes and taking it all the way to the Supreme Court which is exactly what you would expect from the most transparent president of all time.   We all know that he's not nearly as rich as he claims, he's likely wildly indebted to some bad characters and he's never donated any money to a charity.   He's also likely cheated his way through years of tax returns and probably doesn't tip 20%, so at this point I'm sure he's a total crook

Still, I'm not sure we should be taking this to the Supreme Court is the best idea as

There needs to be some separation of powers. but I also don't think Trump being president is the best idea.   And I know having them released will make him lose his crap which is always fun 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on George Conway’s weird look

Every time I see a photo of George Conway I'm shocked. He's got this weird head of hair which almost doesn't make sense. It's so dense it looks like a pile of moss but it's also fluffy like a bunch of swamp weeds. Add to that his sort of porcupine who ate a box of cookies face and you wonder how this guy is at a Simpson's character already.

But past all of that, I appreciate him as he's the best voice of the resistance there is even if he sounds a bit like Kermit the Frog

Anyway, big George Conway fan here at TOR headquarters keep fighting the good fight and please god tell me that there is a level of passion at home that we can never possibly understand.

Take on the neo nazi in the white house

In the least shocking development of 2019, Stephen Miller is a neo nazi. Apparently Miller spent 18 months drunk dialing a Breitbart reporter and whispering sweet white supremacy nothing's in her ear. It's always shocking when the worst looking dump of a man is outed as somebody looking to protect the white race when they look like a regurgitated ass turd. It's like Hitler's master race which he himself couldn't be a part of but a certain level of self depravity comes with the territory I guess. The sad thing is that Miller is likely beating off just with the thought of being exposed further