Take on the Korean driver

I don't like to make gross generalizations over vast groups of people
but I have to say that Koreans are some if the worst drivers in the
world. Just yesterday, the car I was in not only crashed into a
pallet doing a k turn, ran over an orange cone , rear ended a car in a
parking lot and hit a wall and and not one of those actions even
remotely phased the driver. To be fair the wall was obstructed by a
bush although hitting the bush was probably not something that either
the Korean driver bush or the Korean bush really wanted, I am sure

Maybe it's the fact that the entire city of Seoul is one giant
traffics jam, maybe they don't teach driver's ed or maybe I cultural
but it seems like an issue that hasn't improved much.

I can't completely blame the driver, either, because the cars in Korea
all seem to have this ridiculous 40 inch GPS mounted to their
dashboards which would prevent anybody from properly seeing the road.
Add to they these huge satellite dish looking things which every
Korean seems to have mounted to their rear window and you can't be
surprised that nobody can add a thing.

These are all devices designed to aid drivers but unlike the GPS
systems we use, these things looks like a video game with bells,
horns, music and the most annoying cartoon voice SIRI wannabe you have
ever heard. The entire drive feels like you are being attacked by
Martians because this thing keeps screaming about upcoming traffic,
speed limits, tolls, crossing cows, Dunkin Donuts and Kimchee.

Please kill me, or actually I should say...Please don't kill me

Take on the Korean Outback

There really aren't many situations which are more disappointing in
life than going to an Outback in another country. You would think
that because it's suppose to be an Australian steakhouse, that the
quality and type of food across the stores worldwide would be similar.
I get that it's probably about as authentic as Coronas are for
Mexicans but these chain restaurants should have some kind of
consistency over their restaurants.
I got some thing called BaBiKi steak which basically means undercooked
and over spiced. But that was better than the other option which is
their sirloin which I've gotten before and tastes like an old shoe. I
am sure I am not alone because everybody in the entire joint was
eating some Korean concoction That's like going to McDonald's and
getting a burrito,

Take on in-flight insomnia

Well I guess I jinxed myself with all my talk about not wanting any
distractions on the 14 hours to Korea. Six hours into the flight, I
was awoken by some terrible Korean breakfast which was actually the
best part of being awake. The rest of the flight was an endless toss
and turn trying desperately to catch up -and store up- the sleep I
been hoping for

But what is worse is that for the second straight international
flight, my TV console crapped out. Although I was able to watch all
the episodes of If Everybody Loves Raymond, whenever I tried to start
The Great Gatsby or Mystic River, the sound would go haywire
Well at least I have a copy of The Day News and the Sky-mall magazine
to keep me occupied for the next 8 hours. Should have stopped for an
US Weekly

Take on the 14 hour flight

Years ago there would not have been anything I would have been dreaded
than a long flight but with two kids under 5, I have to confess that
14 hours of peace and quiet actually sounds kind of nice. Usually, I
get on the flight and check the crappy movies, terrible meal and wine
options but today I plan on checking my pillow and eye shade thing and
conking out as soon as we hit the runway. I just can't let myself
get tempted by some crappy Jennifer Anniston movie or Chicken Marsala
dinner until I have slept at least 10 hours.

Take on the text spam

I can't stand spam mail whether it's the junk-mail I get in my post
box or the Viagra offers on email bit recently I have started getting
random text spam. I never quite understood the business model to
this spam mail. There is absolutely no way that I'm ever going to buy
a Louis Vuitton bag at a 70% discount from a place that spammed me.

But really, text message are sacred, this is the equivalent of getting
called for some magazine offer at dinner time

Take on the apple-store crowd

During my trip to the Apple store to replace an $8 battery for $79, I
was overcome with the kind of people who hang out at the Genius Bar on
a Monday afternoon. You have a bunch of yuppy nerds, freaky hipsters,
grandmothers, entire Hispanic families, professor dudes wearing
corduroys (terrible look by the way) with vests and tons of snot-nosed
teenagers.

But what was most shocking was some dude getting his ipad2 with retina
display serviced so he could buy the new IPadAir. This dude was about
to buy an $800 tablet yet was making calls on one of those Nokia
knockoff bricks from the early 90's.
I get that people have different prerogatives but sometimes their
prerogatives are just wrong.


By the way, thanks to this handy spell check I just found out they
there is some weird second R in the word prerogative. Can't find that
out on a Nokia knockoff

Take on the $79 replacement battery

I was in then Apple store the other day because my IPhone 5 keeps
crapping out on me. I'd have the battery jump from 30% to 20% in
seconds and often when it got to below 15% it would just shut off.
Then I'd plug it back in and immediately the battery would read 16%
again. After deciding to deal with this before I went to China, I
found myself waiting for a half hour before finally getting served at
the Genius Bar. The dude with the pony-tail, nose-ring and eyelid
tattoo told that my battery was kicked. Obviously, the next thing he
told me is that it's out of warranty and that it would cost me my
first born to get it replaced. It wound up spending $79 to get my
crappy battery replaced, which in itself is ridiculously expensive but
what really irked me is that every other phone on the market this
entire process is done much more efficiently, not to mention done more
cheaply. If you have an Android, you go to Amazon and within 2 days
you get a replacement battery for $9 if it's a generic or $35 if it's
a genuine one. But even the price difference doesn't irk me as much
as the inconvenience of having to spend 2 hours to basically have
somebody pop a battery into a phone.

Take on the bus noise violation

There really are no more annoyances than people who sit on a bus and
play music through their phone speakers. In the city, you often see
this done by a bunch of teens who are just using their size and
numbers to intimidate their fellow straphangers but on the bus, it is
almost always old people or immigrants. I have nothing against
either subsect, as I am both a first generation immigrant and feel
like an old man but somebody needs to slap some sense into these
people. The 45 minute morning bus-ride is the only few minutes of
quiet solitude most of us get and having to listen to some Korean
gospel does NOT enhance that. I get that you are probably not
technically inclined but that should not make you oblivious to the
fact that the entire bus isn't looking to listen to your crap. I
think that it should be a bus drivers right -and duty- to get anybody
in violation of the the noise code, to force them I step off.
Preferably while we are in the Lincoln Tunnel during rush-hour

Take on Indian fuel

When I got an email from Citibank the other day, I figured it was just
more spam, so I wasn't surprised that it was another promotion they
were running trying to entice you to use your Citi cards more often
What I don't quite get is why this promotion is one that gets you
Indian fuel. Not sure what that is, although I do often have gas when
I eat too many Samosas, and I also wonder why they are promoting
something in litres to somebody who would buy in gallons or at least
in liters

Anyway, not sure where this Indian oil comes from or is made from but
I don't like it because it just eats up my inbox

Happy Diwali

Take in the dirty sweats wearing chick

I am all about comfort especially on the weekends but these people
that show up to the supermarket looking like they just rolled out of
bed is more than a little troubling. I am not asking chicks to tease
their hair put on eyeliner but maybe taking a shower and brushing your
teeth might help. I walk into the A&P this weekend and see multiple
chicks dressed with sweatpants on. I think sweatpants can be cute on
a chick, but not ones that are four sizes too big with grease stains
on 'em. Put on a comfortable pair of jeans, maybe a shirt without a
pizza stain and maybe some 4inch heels, is that too much to ask????
You have much less of this at Whole Foods by the way

Take on the way that Daylight Saving can fix immigration

There are not a lot if things I dislike more than somebody telling me
when to wake up, and that goes double when that demand comes from Big
Government. Yeah, the idea of Daylight Saving time sounds great,
except if you have young kids who can't be explained that we get an
extra hour of sleep.
I get that this is some big giveback to the farmers akin to those crap
farm-bills but even that doesn't make that much sense. Farmers have
animals, who like a one year kid, can't be explained to go back to
bed. So although the clock says 5am it feels like 6am and that cow
needs to be milked.
So that probably means those farmers have to get up anyway. So maybe
this is more about the ones who have big farmland to tend to so this
really is a big handout to those farmers and more specifically the
people who farm their land. Then it hit me, the people who tend all
this land are the migrant workers and maybe this Daylight Saving Time
thing can answer another conundrum.
Maybe the US cancels this clock change thing in secret next year and
only tell our neighbors until it's too late. Forget all these scare
tactics of border fences, guards and Sherif Joe, instead of trying to
shoot these guys, take away the incentive of an hour of sleep which
right now I'd give almost anything for. All these berry and grain
pickers are going to think twice about coming over, and maybe they'll
decide to stay in Mexico with their fancy clock adjustments and beer
enjoyed with a slice of lime

Maybe the Mexican's will set up guards on their side preventing the
college kids from trying to take advantage of this extra hour of sleep

Take on the air quality index

I'm about a week from departing for Asia and decided to check the air
quality index on my handy IPhone app. I can't say I am surprised, but
there is something slightly disconcerting about seeing a 347 rating
with a big 'hazardous" sign next to it. I think I have been there
when it's been in the 400's and you could literally taste the
pollution as it would get stuck to your teeth while walking down the
street
Can't wait to run 6 miles next week!!

take on the teenage trick or treater

I love Halloween and my enjoyment has only grown as I started trick-or-treating with my own kids.   It's awesome to see the joy they have when they walk up to each of the doors and excitement when they get to dig their hands in boxes of candy to choose between a Snickers bar and a bag of M&M's.

What I don't quite like is that there are a bunch of old kids who are also going door-to-door.   There is a lot of difference, in my mind, to a bunch of four and five year old kids and a bunch of dudes with beards and chicks with pimples and training bras.   

I'm find with them dressing up..but trick or treating is suppose to be more innocent and really nobody should ever eat that much sugar anyway, especially if you already look like crap.

Take on the new FAA flight regulations

There are really not many things that seemed more obvious than the FAA
finally allowing people to use tablets and MP3 players to be used
during takeoff. The initial argument against it was always a bit
flimsy and completely rendered moot, when pilots were using IPAD's for
their flight manuals without any repercussions of interference. The
second argument about a tablet becoming a projectile if there was a
sudden change in speeds was even more ridiculous as nobody would have
said a peep if you were carrying a copy of War and Peace on your lap.

It was a much needed change as the rules were antiquated and worthless
but what I am most happy about is that it will mean that I finally
don't have to read that terrible SkyMall magazine anymore

As much as I need a garden gnome or a nose hair trimmer, reading
something I actually care about will be nice for a change

Take on the Hopeless Place

i'm as big a Rihanna fan as any 37 year old heterosexual white father of two could be.  I don't own any albums and have no intention of ever seeing her live but will look whenever Tyler Durden posts a nekid picture.

But what got me was this 'hopeless place' song they've been playing recently, I'll give in that is is catchy but it has to be one of the most mindless piece of electronica ever put out.   They repeat that 'we found love in a hopeless place' like a hundred times throughout the song.   I haven't bothered to see if there are any additional lyrics but I highly doubt it...

I think it proves again how hopeless music from this decade is.

Take on the $2500 Barney's bag

The internet has been ablaze for a week after a couple of kids came forward to say they were racially profiled for buying expensive luxury items at a Barney's New York

The firestorm started when some kid got detained for buying a $350 belt and has intensified with people coming out of the woodwork since.  I can't say I've paid that much attention to any of it but did read about some 21 year old girl who said she had cops pull her aside after she bought a $2500 purse from Barney's earlier this year..

I can't say that I agree with Barney's for that kind of action but what kid, forget their skin color, is buying a $2500 bag?    I have never spent $250 on a bag, I probably never spent $25 on a bag and some kid who has not graduated college yet is blowing $2500 on a bag????

Take on the weird name

There are not a lot of things that irritate me more than some park
slope parent giving their kid some obscure name. I get that you don't
want your kid named Bill, Dave, Troy or Rob but why is Clover any
better? But what irritates me even more than the hippy name is the
name that is either intentionally misspelled (unintentionally
misspelled is an entire different crime which deserves instant
castration) or worse yet a name which is impossible to pronounce

I was on the phone with somebody they other day and just guessed at
their name. As opposed to correcting me with a 'everybody gets that
wrong' she have me a "it's pronounced Des Sho Nar" line

Well if that is the case, don't spell it Dejonnae

Take on the British Research on Piizza

I saw an article this week about some British scientists who had
apparently come up with the mathematical equation for perfect pizza.
My first thought was, how the hell does a country who itself isn't
know for their food or their mathematics come off trying to come up
with the perfect anything. If, instead, they had put a picture
survey of bad teeth or crappy bland fish and chips places, I'd trust
the Brits, but pizza???!

So, stick with what you know, you limy lads and leave the pizza to the
pizza to those who know how to make it.....Brooklynites

Take on the real life superhero

There are feel good stories and then there are feel GREAT stories.  I read an article this morning about a courageous man rescuing his entire family from a burning house, making sure the entire family made it out alive and then he did what we all wish we would have the guts to do

"I told them to get the kids out and everything and me myself, being an alcoholic, I was trying to get my beer out," he told the news station.

This savage went back into a burning house to get his Bud Lite.  I can't ever imagine jumping in front of a train or a bullet but I have to say that this is the kind of heroics, I could see for myself

Walter Serpit, you are a real man's man

Sent from my iPhone

Take on the pre-meeting piss

Like clockwork, whenever I step into a big meeting, I immediately need
to pee. I figure it's the same mentality thar animals have when they
take a dump as they sense danger. It sounds counterintuitive because
you'd figure you would save time, and this maybe prevent death, by not
dumping but it also makes them lighter. Some kind of instinctual
thing makes us need to relieve ourselves but I will usually not
indulge this instinctual biological desire. Before a major meeting, I
will purposely not go to the bathroom, instead risking a potential UTI
in order to stay focussed and give me an edge