Take on shooing carry etiquette

Nothing shows rich upper middle class elitism than the way they treat the guys who have to collect rh shopping carts in the parking lot. Look around and these self centered pricks will leave carts in the middle of the parking lot, in the roads throughout that parking lot, upon the grass etc. They all believe that bribing that cart back 19 feet to the font of the store is below them. This is the downfall of humanity .

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The on the hantavirus

We aren't ready for another pandemic and I'm quite sure we wouldn't survive as a country. The only thing I'm happy about is that this Hantavirus isn't some respiratory thing like Covid where you were fearful if somebody so much sneeze in your direction. I'm not sure how serious to take this but I am certainly not going on a cruise

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Take on the never ending story

Is there a more boring national story than this Vrabel/Russini thing. I get that the are both scummy people and because they are national figures it's a pastor but this affair seems to have way longer lifeline. I'm honestly not sure why this is even a story at all anymore.

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Take on the Met Gala

I swear that after 50 years on this fine earth, I still have no idea what the Met Gala is. I mean I know what it's about and that a bunch of celebrities dress up like some fancy Halloween but I don't know what the actual goal is. I used do think it was to support the Mets which seems like a worthwhile cause and is be fine with Beyoncé dressing like a cat for the cause

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Take on the ballroom

We were told it wasn't going to touch the East Wing, we were told it would be gullly paid for by donations and we were told it would be tastefully done and because it's Trump none of that happened. We know the donations were a payoff. We knew saving the East Wing was a lie and we knew that this thing would be a hideous eyesore. And we have always been sure that this thing will be completely wire tapped by the Chinese, Russians, Israelis, Venezuelans and everybody else.

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Take on the end of Spirit

I've heard people debate the demise of Spirit from the fuel prices to the competitive nature of the industry to an unsaid underlying recession. I think that it's always been more simple than that, people hated the experience. Flying isn't glamorous but when it becomes a thing where you are nickel and diming me to death, people take notice. So here's a hint, don't treat us like we are traveling on NJ transit and maybe we'd stay loyal

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Take on Rudy Giuliani's ‘Critical Condition’

Rudy is in critical condition and there is nobody who seems to care at all. Most of what I've heard so far said "he sucks but I wish you were telling this story about somebody else." I'm guessing he makes it out and continues to be a bit of a drunken uncle at GOP events. His fall from grace is epic and I'm wondering at what part in the obituary does it have him taking off his pants

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Take on Iran

Trump is going to try a new plan for Iran because giving him the ability for a do over seems totally sensible. We have gotten into a meaningless war which is killing inflation and the economy not to mention the impact on thousands of Iranians. This is the world we live in now, the guy who crashes the car gets another car on our dime.

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Take on gas price

Trump may try to convince his base that we are winning in Iran but anybody who has filled up in the last month, sure doesn't seem to feel that way. It's costing me $55-$60 every time I fill up. The buses are full, the commuter trains are packed and my wallet is empty but if you complain you will be tagged as being anti American by the Trump crazies.

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Take on Zuck the Cuck

There's no bigger dying star than Meta. They have apparently lost 20 million users and I have to think that's not enough. If they counted the bots they'd be down by 500million I was one of the first to drop out of Facebook seeing it for the cesspool it was and I'm off Instagram now also seeing how mind numbingly addictive that is. Never has a human made more on people's misery than Zuckerberg and seeing his demise will be music to my ears.

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Take on the Hod This Call Button

There are some features that Apple does really well. None is better than when you get one of those codes and it lets you paste them directly into the app but this new feature when it recognizes that you are on some endless hold thing and says it will notify you when it's time to pick up. I don't know what happens when the person does pickup and I'm too sacred to try it as I'm obviously desperate enough to stay on hold for thirty minutes but I do like the idea of the tires being turned and the guy at the car dealer service center now being forced to listen to my hold music. (Which would be Master of Puppets at volume 11).

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Take on the bus terminal

I always assumed that if there was a purgatory if would look a lot like the Port Authority. Gigantic lines of people hoping to get home that night but knowing there is a mostly equal chance you are going to be sleeping there for eternity with a bunch of crack heads and dudes that smell like days old dried urine. I'm told we should get a new bus terminal sometime in the next twenty years which will be right about when I'm ready to never use public transport for work again

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Take on Lindsey

Old lady Lindsey is at it again. Getting on his knees to pray to the latest alpha male in his life. He used to be obsessed with McCain then he fell for Trump and when he fell, he fell hard. And now, like a decade later he's urging congress to pay for this idiotic ballroom because he's sure daddy will be happy

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Take on the body aches

It happened overnight, or at least that's what I need to tell myself but I went from being fairly spry and nimble to feeling like I'm Frankenstein when I get up. It's like my entire body has some weird atrophy where nothing moves or bends like it should. I'll sure yoga for Pilates or whatever would help but this feels like it ran me over like a truck.

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Take on close captioning

I'm not sure why kids in this generation always seem to have close captioning off but sometimes I plop on the couch and don't bother to turn it off. Now I'm watching White Lotus or something and it becomes a chore cause I can't NOT read it. But that is the most ludicrous is when they transpose the "sigh" or the "exhales deeply". Those audible clues are totally able to be heard while you are reading the lame dialogue. Just let me find the stupid button to turn this off Sent from my iPhone

Take on the real life Tommy Boy

When your master negotiators are Jared Kushner and Steve Witkoff, you are starting with two outs with bases empty with two strikes against you. It's been two years and these two knuckleheads are like David Spade and Farley in Tommy Boy. I can't trust them to convince me to buy an air filter let alone settle major conflicts or bring peace. If this is the best we got, we're in trouble.

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Take on Vrabel

As a Jet fan, I'm obviously no fan of the Patriots and typically like to see them suffer which has not been a very regular occurrence. With that said, this Mike Vrabel thing is just not that interesting. This is the NFL where we take drunks, drug addicts, murders and other convicted felons and then ask them to beat each other silly. There is no league which has less of a moral leg to stand on than the NFL and adultery is about as tame as it gets in these circles. Fry the dude if you want but then don't root for the rest of the thugs wearing helmets on any given Sunday in September.

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Take on bad beer names

You know there are too many beers out there when they are all trying to one up one another with their latest offering and nothing is worse than artisanal microbrew IPA's. It seems like there are a small handful of adjectives -hazy, fruity, hoppy, cloudy- thy all throw in and the order of them is the only thing that changes. The latest thing is to just call the beers they have the most disgusting thing they can think of including the latest offering by Cap May Brewery called Mop Water.

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Take on sports talk takes

There is literally nothing dumber than a radio sports talk host with a hot take. I've listened to more WFAN than I've spent with my own kids but even I will tell you that these guys are about as brain dead as it comes. The latest hot take is that Mamdani ruined the Mets season for hugging Mr Met and it has had the desired effect of getting the entire city in knots trying to either defend it or argue against it. And that is why we are the dumbest country on planet earth

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Take on the MAGA reckoning

MAGA is apparently starting to question the Butler shooting which is something we have all been questioning for two years. We know this was staged much like the moon landing and the fact anybody bought into any of it, shows the herd of sheep you all are. At this point we should all accept that we are living in a giant Trump branded TV show and any hope for normalcy died with old man Biden.

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Take on the winter storm

You have got to be kidding me. I'm driving home tonight and am met with a bunch of winter storm watch signs. I've had enough of this winter, we had 70 degree weather this week and now I'm back to looking for my winter coat?? This is a cruel April joke.

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take on the legal tag to make sure we didn't think the trump post was real

A week ago, the controversy of the day was the TruthSocial post of Trump in his Jesus pose. It's obviously blasphemous but as expected the religious right proved again to have no actually standing in their righteousness. But looking back on the CNN post, I noticed the "apparently AI generated image" tag on the post. The article -and common sense- obviously isn't enough that we have to be told this isn't actually a real image I get the fine print in legal paperwork or even waivers at a bounce house but how litigious have we become that something this obviously fake has legal requiring this. What's next, are we going to put a "not an actual mouse" whenever we watch a Disney movie??

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Take on the Gray's recession special

I walked into the 72nd street Gray Papayas to relive some of the best meals of my youth. There was still a line of people, they were still working on 100 Sabrett's dogs at a time and they sell a bunch of odd island juice, so all intents and purposes, I was back in 1994. It was all very familiar except for the price. Long gone was the recession special, now replaced with the mega deal which was three dogs and a papaya juice for like $13.50. The taste was as amazing as I remembered, the papaya juice is basically just sugar and the hit to my wallet was typical NYC. Come on Mamdani, do something about this pricing travesty.

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Take on the low price of gas

Only Trump would be able to get away with saying gas prices aren't very high after it cost me $55 to fill up. We know that telling the truth is not one of his strong points but at this point, we may have to wonder when his MAGA base will see him for the out of touch geriatric he is.

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Take on the S&P and Nasdaq hitting record highs

There is no bigger financial manipulation than what happens to the stock market after every disruption. I'm so sick of looking at the market make its wild swings on the back of the word of a guy who is barely lucid. He speaks out of both sides of his mouth and we hang on his every word like there is a kernel of truth to any of it.

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Take on the loudmouth

There is nothing worse than sitting on a bus for over an hour and having some douchbag legs as open as a Dunkin' talking so loudly he's practically screaming on the phone about the big hedge he has against the price of corn or something. I look at this dude and think not only are you wearing those kinds of sneakers which are supposed to look like shoes but you are riding the NJT bus, nobody here thinks you are some high roller.

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The on the Jesus Christ pose

Some days he's a warrior, other days a fighter pilot and yet other days he's a solider but nobody seems to shrug when he posts those images online but I will say that the religious right is completely spineless if they let Trump get away with posting AI photos of him as Jesus. I don't care about religion and mostly find it all a complete sham but if this is what you devote yourself to, you can't also allow Trump to urinate all over it with his AI slop. You can't be both a supporter of this and somebody who holds JC in the highest of regards.

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Take on the double mixed Strait.

I took the weekend off of the news but when I checked in it seems we decided that if Iran isn't going to open the strait, we will close it. Funny thing is that maybe closing something that is closed might be like double locking it which will drive oil prices even higher and make the economy less stable which you'd think any president would avoid. But when your present has both the complexion and the IQ of a tangerine, all rules are out.

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Take on PA

Nothing quite gets you ready for Pennsylvania . The people are nice enough, we don't much like their sports team and they do have some beautiful spots but when you look around you realize that everybody looks like they are being chocked by a neck tattoo. The level of white trash is partially high in the region but the fact that nobody wears anything resembling a coverup and just lets their rolls loose is empowering. And disgusting.

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Take on the CNN Artemis II

I was all in to watch the Artemis II return today but don't think I was quite ready for the wall to wall coverage on CNN. They ran out of anything interesting to talk about after 15 minutes and just drones on and on about the heat shield and the angle of the entry point. They interviewed the brother in law of the captain who was as bland as that sounds and the spent an hour with a toy replica which kept breaking. And then, right when we were about to get our big climax, they kicked Erin Burnett off and moved in Anderson Cooper who may as well have been finished g the play by play of a funeral.

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Take on the next Nobel Peace award winner

I can't wait for the Nobel peace prize to be awarded next year and it going to Shehbaz Sharif for brokering peace between the USA and Iran. The beautiful irony of that is going to absolutely kill the orangutan and will likely get him to threaten to drop a nuke on Pakistan but for those first few minutes, his seething anger is going to be glorious. Sent from my iPhone

Take on the aftermath of the taco I had on Tuesday.

  I wake up every morning at 5AM, throw on my running shoes, a hoodie, a hat, gloves and my blinking vest and hit the streets of my suburban town to run. It's not easy to get up most mornings we make it through but this morning was particularly difficult as the salmon tacos I had last night were not negotiating in good faith with my stomach and I was about to get screwed I make sure I'm well emptied before I head to the street as I don't want any problems, or so I hoped. My left ankle is achy and my left knee hasn't been right since I stepped into a pothole during a run a few weeks back but neither are quite as troubling as my stomach which by mile 3 is has gone from 60% enrichment to 90% fuel. The issue is that I'm not even half way done and I'm not off on some dessert or under a giant mountain and anybody with a knowledge of suburban sprawl will tell you there are very few places to hide. Plus this is my own neighborhood where I know most everybody and dropping a ballistic missile without letting your friends know would be more than a bit wrong. But I luck out, as I'm feeling like I'm going to absolutely boil over, I see an off ramp in the form of a porta potty at a construction site right next to a friend's house. With no time to waste and in the pitch dark I am met with blessed luck as there is no lock on the door, so I run in drop onto the seat snd pray to the good lord as the fury the likes nobody has ever seen before took shape. The sounds from that porta potty was akin to the howls of innocent women and children being slaughtered. I'm sure there will be an international inspectors checking out that nuclear site from now on but I'm just happy we didn't accidentally start WWIII. Sent from my iPhone

Take on Taco Tuesday

We knew it would happen, we knew he couldn't resist being a total jackass. It's time for the cabinet to do their job and invoke their ability to oust him or to get congress to do theirs. We're trying to not get worked up on this TACO crap but also when people's lives are at stake, we can't stay silent. But mostly this incident proves he's just a gigantic impotent flaccid loser who is now just stuck trying to outdo himself and nobody even cares anymore. Put him out to pasture and let's get back to business of governance and stop this fun little game of letting grandpa near the fireplace

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Take on the skinny drug.

It seems like half the world is on some kind of weight loss drug and now that they are in pill form, I suspect the other half will follow. I'm all for living the healthiest lifestyle but am getting nervous that with every celebrity on them now, there aren't any really people left for our kids to look up to. We've gone to a place where we aren't representing who we are as a society and are now just a saggy faced, flaccid body having? miserable looking culture devoid of any emotion. Those Charles Barkley commercials make him look like a muscle less sack of potatoes. It's like he looks less healthy being less heavy. This is winning.

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Take on the Hampton Inn housekeeping policy

I don't ask for much but I do feel like it's should not be too much to ask my hotel to make my bed. One of the reasons I prefer a hotel to and Air B&B is because I don't want it to feel like home where I make my own breakfast, make my own bed and brew my own coffee but this new housekeeping policy basically makes me feel like I've paid $160 to sleep at my own house.

Take on the Artemis photo

Artemis II sends back a photo of earth and they compared it to the photo taken in 1972 and honestly, the one that is older than me looks better. I'm not sure what they were proving but i will say that considering all of the technological advancements we've made, apparently long exposure photography isn't one of them.

Take on Tiger

Our president takes phone calls from over the hill golfers -and generally miserable human beings. When they flip their cars while driving while hammered. This is the president we deserve, one who is easily corrupted by fame that he's take time out of that day to some repeat drunk driver for yet another example of how not to drive a car.

Take on going back to the moon

When you ask why we are making a big deal about this moon thing, realize that it IS a big thing if you come to grips with the fact that when this was happening nearly six decades ago, it was happening in a sound stage. We were in a life of death battle with the communists and we just had to one up them after Sputnik and if you believe the entire Neal Armstrong thing was what it was then let me tell you about the Easter Bunny.

Take on replacing my running shoes

As an avid runner who runs about 1700 miles per year, I know the importance of great running shoes but often confused as to when I should change them. All the data says they should be changed around 300-500 miles which is crazy when that means you could be replacing them in two months. I'm not sure what the right number is but I'm convinced the 300-500 number is just what Big Sneakers want us to believe which at $150 for a pair of sneakers is totally ludicrous.
So here is my rule of thumb. You run till you can feel the bounce in the shoe or the traction is worn out or you've stepped in dog shit that you can't get out. Whichever comes first.

Take on the restricted vehicle

I'm not quite sure what a restricted vehicle is but apparently when you try to cross the GWB, a big electronic sign calls you out like you are wearing a scarlet letter. It instructs you to pull over and get railed for more than the $20 toll and I'm sure they pull you over after the toll booths.

Take on a dilute of technology

We can put a man on the moon (allegedly), we can bomb the living hell out of a sovereign nation and we can use AI to basically take over our entire life but to this day I still have fifty iPhone cords that are totally frayed. I don't understand why it is so impossible to design a cord that doesn't look like the string in a hoodie after a week. We have to be better than that, right?

The on the rat

Can somebody explain this new Apple/At&T ad to me? It's some far white mouse eating a carrot and he somehow turns into an iPhone which doesn't make me want to buy a new iPhone or eat a carrot. I'm no marketing expert but imagine that associating your premier product with a giant rat isn't a way to increase your customer base

Take on the awful life choices

It's Saturday night at 7pm and while my friends are watching college basketball, drinking with friends or camping, I'm sitting at a completely dead bounce house pumping in awful techno versions of songs that already sucked. I am not holding anybody responsible for this other than myself but at this point I am questioning every decision I've ever made.

Take on the stock photo

I've walkways wondered if the photos they post in CNBC after the markets close are just stock photos labeled "worried trader" or "reaction to big swing by fat investor guy". I have no idea but it seems crazy that there's a guy walking around taking live action shots of these dudes running their algorithms to try to short the market.

Take on Borg

When I was in high school we would rob my friend's dad's liquor cabinet and end up drinking a bottle of Chivas. The stuff tasted like horsepiss but at least you felt like you grew hair on your balls. What kids are drinking now might be worse

I found a bottle of green goo in a gallon container that was some concoction of vodka, Gatorade and seltzer. I can't imagine that this thing tasted any better than Chivas but I'm also sure it's got a bunch of Red40 and Blue20 in it so my ADHD would kick into hyperdrive

Take on the near fatal crash

I'm walking down 38th street today buried in my phone when all of a sudden I almost have a bone collision with a delivery guy riding a bike. I was startled by the entire thing but mostly when he proceeded to scream at me "what where you're going ahole". Now I fully admit I was distracted by my phone but what the heck. We do have a million miles of bike lanes not to mention normal streets but this dude acts like he's some 12 year old riding around the block on a weekend. Like it's my fault that I'm not watching out for some dude on a bike in a pedestrian walkway.

Take on the horrible bus commute

The commute from the Jersey suburbs into Manhattan is starting to feel like pre covid levels of misery. It wasn't too long ago when it felt like th commute albeit still sucky, was manageable but now the commute mid week is routinely one a a half hours with most of it my bus having it's nose dug right into the ass crack of the next bus like an elephant circle. I'm so ready to retire cause commuting 3 hours a day is slowly killing me

Take on the LaGuardia tragedy

The tragedy at LaGuardia seems like the kind of human error which appears to have been entirely preventable. We know that accidents happen but at this point with what we should have at our disposals, this doesn't seem like it should happen.

But what was almost laughable was that the investigation was delayed when one of the investigators was stuck in a long TSA line. The fact that this guy doesn't have PreCheck or Clear is ludicrous and the fact that some dude made him take his shoes off and make sure his handcream wasn't over 6 ounces makes me want to scream.

Take on the Dunkin Line

I stood in line at Dunkin this morning at an old school non drive through. There were about 4 people in line so I assumed it would be a few minutes. The issues was that every 30 seconds a bell would go off which I learned to mean was a mobile order. So although we are literally standing in the store, the guy working behind the counter is prioritizing the mobile orders while we stand there. He's going line person, mobile order, line person, mobile order The issue is that the average person walking into Dunkin is looking for a single coffee but these mobile orders are usually like four sandwiches and four complicated drinks.

Never again

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Take on the Banksy unmasking

I'm not sure why the scoop to unmask Bansky was so important but I like life to have some mystery. I get feeling like we have a right to know what our government is up-to or what corporations are paying off what agencies as they pollute our rivers but this was a secret I was good with. I'd like to go back to a more simple time where our presidents didn't get us into forever foreign wars and the Jets didn't suck.

Take on the noodle craze

Something happened to microwavable prepackaged ramen since I last tired them during my college days. The "ramen" options in my supermarket are nuts with noodles and flavors from Korea, Thailand, India, Vietnam and China which is great. I'm sure the sodium levels are through the roof but for a cheap quick option, it can't be beat. What is the most shocking though is that not only do you get a meal for like $2, they also come with these K-pop trading cards. It's like the opposite of a pack of baseball cards where you got a stale stick of gum, here you get a Polaroid of some korean dude in a pack of stale noodles.

Take on $200billion

Whiskey Pete is asking for $200,000,000,000 for this war in Iran which is odd as Trump already told us the short term gas price hike was necessary to destroy Iran. I don't quite understand how an America First policy could possibly involve spending $200 billion dollars on a war against a country who didn't pose an actual threat. But I'm sure the MAGA faithful will come up with some excuse.

Take on the TSA backlog

We're another week into TSA workers not being paid and once again Americans are paying the price. We know that the only way to get attention is to cause a stir and that stir whether it's a walkout or a shutdown hurts the people who depend on it. But when it's the only way to get the attention of those who are weaponizing the CBP and ICE, I guess this is what we have to deal with.