Take on the sad Starbucks experience.

Here is a shitty life hack that somebody is employing.

-#1. Get a very common first name
-#2. Walk into a Starbucks
- #3 grab any coffee with that name on it.

I know this isn't new but when you walk into a Starbucks and the drink you ordered and paid for on your app which they say should be ready is not on the counter, you lose all faith in humanity.

Give me back my grande oat milk latte no water cappuccino thing.

Take on the worst war


A week in and we've lost seven service members, we've bombed a girls school, we've caused generational trauma on a region, we've gone into deeper alliance with a war criminal and now we have the son of the Ayatollah taking over from the old Ayatollah. Did we not realize that the old guy was like an indeed years old and probably about to croak and the mantle would've passed to his son which is exactly what happened just on an adderall riddled time frame. But when your great leader is as morally corrupt as he's narcissistic, this is what you get.

Take on the War of Choice

Who old have guessed that starting a war in the Middle East with an OPEC country would have negative effects on the price of gas. When we as a country are rebooting against inflation, why would a war of choice sound like a well thought out strategy
When our young boys and girls are dying, we better have a coherent message to tell their parents because so far it sounds like a Trump decided it was a good idea defense.

Take on the latest plan

The goal in Iran keeps changing from having the people rise up, to finding somebody from the old guard that they could prop up to now and unconditional surrender. We know Trump doesn't plan and isn't detail oriented but I have a bad feeling this isn't going to end very well for anybody.

Take on the Bulletproof Vests and Rolex Watch wearing cosplaying secretary.

When Kristi Noem was fired via tweet, we were just glad she wasn't in the same place as Sexy Rex Tillerson was when he got canned. She's a horrid human and her firing couldn't come quickly enough. The fact she can kill a dog, bang Corey Lewandoswki and cosplay as an official act, makes he entirely unserious and unqualified. So the time for her to go was basically as quickly as it takes me needing to after a 20 ounce coffee.

Take on the lack of a bone

Senate republicans showed again they have no backbone, femur, hip bone or bone bone. They have had opportunities to establish themselves as a coequal branch of government but completely refuse and their impotence is leading to yet another war in the Middle East. Maybe someday they will stop being flaccid losers and start getting themselves up for a battle.

Take on the weird rash

Trump has some weird herpes growth on his neck and the entire world is praying it's fatal. We know we can't be that lucky but whatever this growth is, it's absolutely disgusting and you just know he's got these measles all over his palsy blotchy skin.

Take on shorts in a plane

I'll never understand why somebody decides that flying in shorts in the middle of winter makes sense. I get that you may be going to Florida but that doesn't mean you have to look like you park on the grass in front of your house. Have a little self respect and put on a pair on jeans and suffer like the rest of us when you get to Daytona Beach

Take on OpenAI's deal with the Pentagon

Here is a hot idea, let's turn a nascent technology which has unlimited power and capabilities loose to an unfettered department of war which has not proved to have any morality from the top. Lets then take any guardrails away and let them at it. Now let's guess how this can go wrong and wonder how long before our mechanical overlords take over with their imbedded Nvidia chips.

Take on the war room

When Osama Bin Laden was captured, the photo of Obama showed the gravity of the situation. When we bombed Iran earlier today, Trump hung cheap black plastic curtains while sneaking out for pancakes. I am not sure what the protocol was before Trump but the fact that this is happening in the dining room of a crappy Florida resort tells you how dangerously unserious they all are.

Take on a horrible market moment

The job market sucks, inflation is still very real for goods and services, th general feel of the economy is crap, tariffs are killing this country but somehow the stock market remains ridiculously resilient. I can't believe that we are in a place where we have yo-yo-yo's at the 50k mark for days now. Everyone it climbs, Trump takes credit, if it drops..he blames Biden.

Take o. 32.6 Million people watching the State of the Union

I always believe that the State of the Union ratings are sort of what Pig Vomit would tell Howard. People who love Trump watch for 30. Minutes, people who hate him watch for an hour. We know there is nothing substantive about the event but at this point we need to find ways to keep ourselves a little entertained and what better way than to watch an old man ramble on for nearly two hours.

Take on the TSA Global Entry Pause

Explain to me how pausing Global Entry makes any sense during a government shutdown. This is a service which - by design- is one where there is minimal interaction with an agent. Which is the one thing a shutdown would be least affected by yes you are telling me that with less money and presumably less staff we are going to take people from the kiosk system and instead put them in gigantic queues? Yeah, somebody is playing politics.

Take on the spam political text messages

The Trump speech is not something I'll watch mostly because I have to spend half the time typing End or Stop to hundreds of messages
Listen, I'll happily donate when I'm so inclined but this theory that bombarding me with these messages is only turning me off to your entire movement

Take on the NYC winter wonderland.

There is a certain serenity after a winter storm falls in the suburbs, the white snow covering the lawn, cars and roads while kids giggle as they sled down neighborhood hills. The NYC equivalent 24 hours after a snowstorm are piles of grey mush piled everywhere with lakes of nasty melted slush covering every inch of the street. Garbage bags are piled high and even the rats don't come out to play. I've never claim to have a theory of what they should o but leaving the entire thing unattended certainly is not the answer. Can't wait to be back tomorrow

Take on the killing of ‘El Mencho’

Seeing the cartel kingpin killed was obviously a welcome sign but it does beg the question...why do these honchos have such lame nicknames. We had El Capo a few years ago, now we have El Mencho. I would have thought those dudes would have been named Ratface or Pedro Broken Legs or something similarly sinister. Instead we get the equivalent of Joey Donuts.

Take on the many names for a winter storm.

We all say by the time February or March hits that we are done with winter
But but when looking back over the last dozen years it's kind of a lame statement as we've had a decade of really mild winters. This year is different as between the snow, the ice and the bitter cold, it's actually been really been a rough winter. Now with another Nor'easter on the way, I think the entire country is just done and we all genuinely need a bit of a break. I do wonder if all these names you hear recently, polar vortex, snow bomb, blizzard, Nor'easter are all just ways for Big Meteorology to keep you paying attention because they know we are all sick of just another snow storm.

Take on the Supreme Court ruling

We've been waiting with bated breath for today's Supreme Court ruling which came at a much needed time as running a business when the president changes tariff rates more often than he changes his depends, is impossible. It's also a good sign that for what seems like the first time, a -supposedly- coequal branch of government didn't defer to the executive while simultaneously calling out the legislative branch for derelict of duty. Of course Trump had a temper tantrum and immediately went right back to adding a 10% global tariff which is like taking one step forward and one step back. But what's most frustrating is what Brett Kavanaugh hinted at which was that paying back the illegally collected tariffs was too big of a mess to execute mostly because Trump has already spent all the money on a bender.
It just shows again that Trump get away with murder in the middle of fifth Avenue with nobody so much as looking up.

Take on Texas

Just like how disinterest my kids are with their Christmas presents about 24 hours after Santa came down the chimney, the democrats hope of ever getting a foothold in Texas will be dashed like us has so many times before. We know nothing is going to come of this latest push as it's been made abundantly clear that nobody actually likes Beto while whiny weasel Ted Cruz continue to get statewide support. So don't get my hopes up Texas, we know what to expect.

Take on the airport rebrand.

Of course Donald Trump was going to financially benefit from his pressure campaign to have some lame airport renamed after him. We know that there is nothing this loser won't put his name on, no obvious bride he won't take and no ethical guideline he'll abide by. We also know that he's going to make sure that he sucks every penny out of you while he's doing it. But the weird thing is that they have trademarked the name in part because they plan on selling merch because I know I love walking around town in my EWR hat.