Take on the old man who refused to leave the stage

Trump staying on the stage after the conclusion of the World Cup is exactly what you'd expect out of an elderly uncle going through Alzheimer's who is lost and confused when he shows up somewhere But his action is more megalomaniacal than pure cognitive decline as he needs everything to revolve around him. God forbid he lets the champs have a moment without him stomping all over their moment with his mismatched jacket and pants after he soiled his first pair and his orange complexion but I guess this is what you deserve as the FIFA world peace winner.

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Take on the 3rd place game

Watching the 3rd place game today felt like watching the NBA all start game. No defense, unlimited scoring and the best player in the world just going crazy and although fun, there just isn't a good reason to have this game as it makes a mockery of the game and skews the stats for the tournament but you can also just get off my lawn

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Take on iceberg

I was anti iceberg lettuce before it was a thing. Mostly because it's got zero nutritional value and tastes like sponge water but more recently try because I won't want to be sitting on the can blowing liquid from my five hole. The world is coming around and now everybody is complaining that they are pissing out of the asses

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Take on the Canadian smoke

It's time for Trump to slap some big tariffs onto Canada for all of this wildfire smoke. I walked out of my office and felt like I walked into the back of the plane in 1985. My eyes burned, my throat burned and my nose burned, although maybe this is a good training session in anticipation of my trip to aching

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Take on the hire against Israel. Funding

House democrats are finally starting to sound humane after finally starting to push back on Israel. Say what you will, there is no justification to what Israel has done to the Palestinians over the last fe years even if you start only on October 7th. This isn't just Gaza, this is the West Bank and the forgotten Golan Heights. This isn't political, this isn't national and this isn't about security, this is genocidal atrocities committed by a state that we fund.

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Take on Sister Christian

I am at the point where I don't think anything in politics matters. When Kindsey Graham died, he wasn't replaced by the most capable person but instead by his sister who we assume is likely just as awful as him. She has no qualifications, no political experience and will now stand for seat she didn't run for and the people of South Carolina didn't ask her to take. It's due time that we call a snap election when one of these dinosaurs croaks.

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Take on another ICE killing

We're at that part of the story when discussing an ICE killing of an unarmed person in broad daylight, it's not unreasonable for somebody to ask "which one are you talking about?" We have become a country which shoots its own citizens for protesting for human rights. We are a country which worships a depraved human as its leader and we are a country where corruption is so rampant that it's just a shrug moment. If we lived anywhere else with that murders row of awfulness, you'd want to get the heck out of dodge.

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Take o Lindsey Graham

Lindsey Graham dropping dead wasn't on my bingo card although I will say that I thought he was way older than 71. I'm also sure that he's was poisoned by Putin while in Ukraine a day ago and this isn't some normal old guy dropping dead thing. Graham was an awful human and spent his life being the lapdog of one politician after another and didn't nothing for average Americans. And the proof of life thing for Mitch McConnell is obviously AI generated

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Take on the closing of the Strait.......again.

Just a few short months ago, vessels could travel through around the gulf without much to worry about and financial markets spent very little time worrying about it. Then we decided to go to war with Iran and now we have to send boats through escorted by half the US Navy. This is what you get when you leave your foreign diplomacy to people who have no desire for stability but instead love a comparing the sizes of their penises.

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Take on the lying turtle

The fact that the entire Washington establishment isn't pushing for some sign of life from the turtle is biting irresponsible. We know the chances of him being either brain dead or dead dead are frowning by the day and the fact his wife is in China while he's in the hospital is beyond sketchy. All of the bull of random people claiming to have spoken with him has now implicated all of them for blatant lying to the American public as we are completely convinced they are just walking with a stuffed animal.

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Take our an outbreak of diarrhea

An explosive diarrhea outbreak is gripping the country right in the middle of the pool season. This is one of many reasons I don't do pools. I'm just not into sitting in warm miss with parasites spreading horrible diarrhea while making small talk with some douchbag investment banker guy in town. .

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Take on Graham Platner

Graham Platner seemed to be just what the doctor ordered when he first hit the scene but the Nazi tattoos, the physical altercations and the sexting made democrats uncomfortable as they can't get off their moral high horse in order to win elections. But the seemingly credible rape allegations was something that Platner wasn't going to get past and now we are going to be stuck with another 6 years of dinosaur MAGA shill Susan Collins.

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Take on the hospitalized turtle.

The chances of Mitch McConnell's elevator going to the top floor is virtually none. We've seen this guy disintegrate before our eyes with his ever more frequent brain freezes and falls. I'd usually feel bad for some old guy going through dementia but Mitch is a horrid human whose collective memory is already being whitewashed of his politics. There is nobody in this country more at fault for the place we are today than this turtle neck twerp and the fact his wife jetted for China tells you all you need to know where her real loyalties lie

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Take on the USMNT

At the end of the day the fact that Balogun played made no difference. The US team came in on their back foot and after back to back goals conceded, never really got back in the game. But this game will be remembered for its lack of offensive creativity, lack of tactical possession by the midfield and judged for a defense that only Whiskey Pete Hegseth could be proud of. Oh yeah, it will also be remembered for the butt fumble level play by our keeper. I've watched almost every knockout game of this World Cup and a lot of the early games too and there was no more lackluster performance than what the USMNT put out there today. Utterly embarrassing

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Take on the rescinded red card suspension

The USMNT is now in a no win situation. If they beat Belgium, everybody will claim they got special treatment after Trump intervened. If they lose, it's just another bitter ending. The red card was bull but having our president strong arm FIFA into a decision no other country would have been given an out on, makes you realize how corrupt this entire body is and Trump played right into it.

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Take on the red hat celebration

When the National Front marched on DC on our 250th birthday, you know that the love of our country extends to a very select few people for those Nazis. I'm so tired of all of this division when even a celebration like tonight gets marred by this kind of vile protests. Just let us enjoy our UFC cage matches and Kid Rock concerts in peace

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Take on the wedding of the year

The fact that Taylor Swift got married today was no shock as it was an unconfirmed rumor for months. It's fine, let her have here day but I don't think I get the MSG thing. If you are going to have 1000 people, it will feel totally empty but then again nobody asked me.

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Take on sneakers with suit

I'm at the point where the whole sneakers with a suit thing has jumped the shark. It was sort of an interesting fad for a minute but it's now so ridiculously overplayed. Want to dress up, do it like an adult. You want to dress like a kid, do that but don't pretend that you are dressed up if you have sneakers on.

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Take on NAFTA version 3

Trump rebranded NAFTA and told us it was now great and a few years later he quietly dumps that. For a president who can never admit he did anything wrong, he certainly is forced to make a lot of concessions on stuff he once said was great. He told us that Iran's nuclear capabilities were complete obliterated to only come back six months saying he had to go to war to stop them from pursuing their nuclear ambitions. This is Trump though, he preys on the low information voters and blitzes the rest with so much crap that everybody throws their hands up and counts down the days till the end

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Take on the whisper

When our President personally makes a billion dollars while in office over a nascent industry which he regulates which a shadowy underworld runs, I think we need to pay attention. We made Jimmy Carter give up a peanut farm, but now have decided that we are ok with every conflict of interest because it doesn't feel like it's worth the fight. When you go to other countries and hear about corruption, most citizens shrug their shoulders because they feel powerless to stop it but we were always told we had a stronger voice...turns out it was a whisper.

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Take on heat

There is nothing that I hate more than four straight days of 95 degree weather. I don't do well with this heat, mostly because as a fat skinny white guy, I'm sweating through three shirts. The body sweat in NYC is going to unbearable.

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