Take on war pigs

Venezuela is getting ready for war and I'm staring to think that Trump isn't the no war president he claimed to be. We've indiscriminately bombed a bunch of fishermen who may or may not be smuggling drugs to the Caribbean. This is what happens when you change the name to the Department of War. You are looking for a fight.

Take on the interior decorator

Everybody seems to be caught up in strums recent redecorating which is admittedly awful but once again takes way from the fact he's taking health insurance and food stamps from people. This is the game, do something outrageous to cover up the last outrageous thing you did. It's a Ponzi scheme for corruption

Take on the end to the shutdown

What was the point of the shutdown? The democrats caved when the heat got too high in the kitchen and now we are back to cow towing to the GOP again. I don't know what prompted a bunch of these losers to support Trump after like 5 weeks of having a backbone but it's on their record and their conscious.

Take on the Trump Bump

Trump has proven himself to be a completely heartless pig but the fact he's coming off this terrible week is fitting. RFK Jr and Dr Oz called him out for being fat and lazy at least sort of. He has spent more time and money refurbishing the bathroom in the Lincoln bedroom than she has done anything for poor people. He blows donkey ducks

Take on the wizard of Oz

The Trump photo in the Oval Office while the dude was having a bear attack is one that will go down in infamy. We know he doesn't have a heart, we know he's a coward and we're pretty sure dementia is riddling his brain. We have a Oz and a grand wizard. Trump just just needs a blue dress and a little dog.

Take on a terrible job market.

The October job numbers should normally be released tomorrow but with the shutdown, they won't be and this is music to Trump's ears. Mostly because we all know the job market is awful and the economy is shedding jobs which lead him to fire the ones reporting on it. But this shutdown came at a perfect time for Trump as those abysmal numbers can be hidden and of things turn around, they can just claim it was a blip. Anyway, here's to millions of unemployed people who also aren't getting their SNAP benefits. Trump loves you like he loves that guy who had the heart attack today.

Take on the FAA shutdown

As if traveling doesn't suck enough already, the FAA will reduce traffic on Friday by 10% which will mean that there will miserable delays all over the place and cancellations which will affect hundreds of thousands. But the government you vote for is the one you get. What is amazing is how little oxygen this shutdown seems to have gotten, it's as if we as a country are collectively fine with the government no long we able to function and the millions of government employees going on food stamps...oh wait

Take on Former Vice President Dick Cheney dead at 84

When I saw Dick Cheney was dead my first thought was vindication off the hundred of thousand of dead people left in his wake. Of course the jokes write themselves when it comes to this level of war criminal but I will say he had two things late in his life which could be commended. He never embraced Trump and his daughter is a true patriot.

Take on the Trump endorsement

Nothing should make you want to run to the polls to vote for Mamdani than Trump giving his full endorsement to Andrew Cuomo. We know that he's got no sway in NYC but I guess he could pull some Sliwa voters to Cuomo with this. But anybody who ran read between the lines is able to see it's just one sexual predator protecting another.

Take on the frozen burrito

There aren't many days where you feel like a celebrity's death warrants a heartfelt condolence to their fans but when the guy who invented the dozen burrito died, we all mourn. I don't know what exactly is in one of that thing but I did know I've had dozens of them between the age of 21 and 21 and a half. Those things were deadly and I can still feel the aftershocks .

Take on No New Wars

Th no new wars president is sure likes to start new wars With all of the indiscriminate bombing you know this just isn't going to end well. If this is is the kind of thing that they were doing to our fishermen's we'd be sending the marines out to take care of business .
So much for the guy who claims to not want war and also renames the DoD to the Departmwnt of War.

Take on Kash

I'm at the point where I see a headline about some Trump appointee allegation, I immediately call BS. Kash Patel claimed to have thwarted a terrorist plot which likely only means that there was some left leaving protestors who he wants to take down with boots on the ground. This is where we are, I don't believe that these guys ever club their words or make honest mistake. What they say has meaning, the same way that changing the Department of Defense to the Department of War has meaning. Trump wants to stay in power and if his war department is engaged in a huge "war", he'll use FDR as an example as to precedent regardless of of what the amendment to constitution says.

Take on the Vance-Kirk "friendship"

JD Vance got a little touchy feely with Erika Kirk and there is no denying there is some major chemistry there. We know Kirk is feeling mourning as seen by the leather pants and passionate hug she gave old JD. I think this is that time that JD tells the world that he and his Indian wife have moved apart because of all the stress of the job and starts burning the midnight oil with super white Erika.

Take on the JFK parking lot maze

Boston had the Big Dig but it pales in comparison to the JFK Jumble. I've been coming to this airport for 40 years and it has been under construction for 40 of those years. The place is a complete hellhole, the terminals are old, the public transportation options are awful and it is completely impossible to get out of this place without feeling like you are stuck in some cruel corn maze. It's a total embarrassment that this is the way we "welcome" people into the USA

Take on Bill Gates

There's so much to like about Bill Gates in his post Microsoft career. His philanthropy, his ability to tackle difficult issues and his clarity on climate change. The problem with Gates isn't what he does and says in public but what he does behind closed doors and I think we all know he spent way too much time on a certain island.

Take on warm beer

Back home, whenever you think of enjoying a beer, the imagine the beee commercials will give you at those of ice cold bottles where the temperature almost falls off the page. But not in China as you can never find Tsingtao that isn't served at the temperature of human piss. It's not just an awful beer but when you are desperately trying to avoid Moutai this is a warm piss alternative.

Take on Moutai

On my 15th trip to China, I've had my share of Moutai which can honestly be best described as being forced to consume straight gasoline. The biggest issue is not just the taste or that burn down your throat but the fact that there is a tremendous amount of social pressure to drink it. As you sit around a large round table, each person at the table comes to visit the one idiot guest requesting to do a shot together. So here I am trying desperately to dump my shots into my soup when nobody is looking or spilling it onto the table Wish me luck, it's going to be a long night....and a longer morning.

Take on sea cucumber and Cornish hens.

Walk into a market in Asia and you never know what will find. Dead birds a hanging in the window by their necks is your first sign you aren't in Kansas anymore. But when you walk inside you see these delicacies which remind you mostly of why you may want to consider being a vegetarian or at least claiming you are one. These Cornish hen looking things that caught my eye looked like they'd been sitting in Trump's tanning bed though they did taste sort of good but we did very much enjoy the sea cucumber they served later.

Take on the crackhead fish

I've not kept track of every type of fish I have consumed in my life but I'm sure that whatever was on that list has increased by at least one type this week. When I was presented with what can only be described as a blowfish on fentanyl, I was certainly taken aback. It certainly looked appetizing in the same was as a roller coaster after back surgery looks like fun but the fact that three beers and a cognac into my night, staring into its face reminded me of the crackheads outside of port authority made for an interesting internal dilemma.

Take on thousand year old eggs

To this day I'm still not sure what this bowl of greenish eggs is supposed to be. I see it every time I'm here and it just seems that fermented thousand year old eggs is a delicacy which sounds more like it will be a roller coaster for my stomach in the best case and a real life Jurassic Park in the worst one