Take on the Kelyanne kneeling thing

When I saw the photo of Kellyanne Conway on her knees on the oval-office couch, I turned to my wife and said "this won't end well"   I'm not sure what got me, but it wasn't the fact that some losers were annoyed she had her shoes on.   It was just this weird seductive looking pose, on her knees in front of a room full of smiling dudes that made me think, well this like Monica Lewinsky all over again

I'm not calling it anything that it isn't and although she's no angel I certainly wasn't her idea to appear like she's Annabel Chong  on the Howard Stern circa 1993.  

I don't think she disgraced the White-House, I don't think she did anything wrong other than just take a ridiculous group photo with her iPhone instead of getting, I don't know ,the White House photographer to take it using his the big ridiculous Nikon he has set up on that camera stand for occasions just like this.

 

anyway, i'm just happy that she's allowed back in the Oval Office, not sure where she's been hiding for the last few weeks (maybe under a desk??) after she apparently went rogue on a couple of Sunday Morning shows.   The world is better (or much worse) with her standing right behind Trump.. or I guess kneeling in front of him..  I really don't know but she's certainly gives a lot of fodder for SNL

Take on Wilford Brimley

When the senate confirmed our new commerce secretary today, my first thought was, get the oatmeal guy got a new gig. Sadly for America, the winner of the latest Trump rose was Wilbert Ross and not Wilford Brimley, although I can't say I know for sure what either guy would do. Really you have to hope that Ross can curtail some of the rhetoric coming out of the White House, he's a billionaire who has made money because of globalization, so we have to hope that he doesn't kill our economy with some shortsighted tariff war. What these morons don't understand is that manufacturing in 2017 is a global enterprise, you cannot make a plane, boat, car, tank, cell phone, computer or refrigerator without tapping into global resources. More than that if you decide to tax the hell out of a certain Chinese import, it can have massive unexpected consequences through ripple effects right down the line. Time to let adults into the room and calm everybody the hell down, hopefully a couple these billionaires will shake some sense into our Dear Leader.

Take on the leaks

Sean Spicer told every staff member to leave their phones in a room so he could check where the White House leaks were coming from and within minutes it was leaked that he was doing just that. Nobody can be that surprised that a seventy year old man has problems with a little leaking out but when he's gotten his entire staff to help him clean up his piss stains, it just looks embarrassing for our country

This is our White House in 2017, so scared about leaks that it bars the press, has their staff go through what can only be seen as a loyalty oath and have gone on a scorched earth approach to the leaks by calling them "Fake News". These morons don't even realize how ridiculous they look, with every press briefing looking more and more like they are channeling their inner Kim Jung Un, another Putin lapboy.
But the best thing is this phone check thing, you just know that Spicer sat on that room and was completely puzzled when the number 1-2-3-4 didn't unlock all those iPhones, he is really that dumb

Take on the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner

I'm not surprised that Our Dear Leader is skipping the White House Correspondents' Dinner this year, mostly because that weird bronzing thing he does is probably meant to help thicken his very thin skin. Trump is neither funny nor able to take a joke well, so he would actually be a poor choice for the Alfred E. Newman crowd, so maybe it's for best. It was always a great spot for Obama, who could take a joke and deliver one, too but with the way this administration has jousted with the media, it's probably smart he declined. I always found it to be sort of an odd day, with the POTUS and press getting a little too chummy, so don't mind it going by the wayside for a bit especially when it's become so adversarial. Although it would have been brilliant if Trump had showed up and the bouncer at the door told him that he wasn't on the gaggle list and wouldn't let him in.

Take on the White House's freedom from the press

You know you've lost the high ground when China mocks your government's lack of freedom of the press. Today our executive branch started their attempt to break one of the cores pillars of our democracy, the press keeping our government accountable. But Trump, a psychopath who used to call tabloids disguised as his own press secretary, doesn't feel like he needs to be held accountable to anybody. Today they cut CNN, The New York Times, Politico and The Los Angeles Times out of a gaggle with Sean Spicer which I've never heard of before today but sounds about as much fun as having a threesome with Sean Spicer and Mellisa McCarthy, but still it reeks more than the aftermath of that threesome would. Punishing the press for pushing too hard is Nixonian but with a guy who, unlike Tricky Dick, loves the spotlight, it's that much more odd. Trump has always believed that all press is good press, but I guess when that press is coming close to revealing that you are Putin's cabin boy, you better start fighting

Take on the ID line

Maybe I'm a few hours late on this but WTF is going on with forcing people to show ID when getting off of an airplane on a domestic flight? From what I'm reading, immigration officials were looking for some illegal and customs officials forced every person from a delta flight from San Francisco to NY to show identification proving they were not the wanted Mexican or Guatemalan or whatever. So a party who claims to champion personal rights is now ok with having every Joe, Dick and Guillermo show ID at any point that a customs official says boo. Love the land of the free we live in.

But what is the most annoying about this entire thing is that you have to think this will make deplaning a two hour affair. If every person on a 200 person flight needs to show ID and stand there for thirty seconds, we are talking about 1:40 to get off the plane. Forget about making your connection, Chachi

I'll be sure to keep my ID in my underwear when I get on a flight to Florida next week.

Take on Immigration

As our Dear Leader starts another week and another controversy, he decided to take on illegal immigration head on. Give Trump credit in that he really has hit all the classics during this Best-Of tour, and no song is bigger for Trump than his Don't Stop Believin', immigration. It resonates with the old timers, it gets the young girls all hot and excited and the radio stations love. The problem is that the fans are idiot because they all say that immigrants suck because they take away good paying American jobs, but they don't do any of that.

The conversation goes like this

Some Guy
But Righetti, Joe SixPack in Toledo told me that those guys are taking good paying American jobs.

Righetti .
Well Joe SixPack doesn't have a job and still wouldn't be caught dead picking berries and would go ape-#### if he found out his strawberry pancakes at IHOP just jumped in price by $5. He doesn't seem to be able to connect the dots in this game of 3D checkers
Joe Sixpack wants his toilets cleaned, his car washed, his flower beds pruned and he'll be damned if his Motel-6 bill jumps $20 a night. And god forbid he couldn't get to his non existent work because he couldn't find a nanny or because he was busy shoveling his own snow

Dude
But I, I mean Joe SixPack, likes shoveling snow

Righetti
No, you, I mean he, really doesn't

Dude
But global warming will mean that we won't get as much snow

Righetti
You didn't just say that, right?

Dude
Benghazi, emails!!

Righetti
What JoeSixPack doesn't realize is that immigrants are the gift that keeps on giving, they offer cheap labor, doing jobs that nobody wants for as many hours as you need them..oh yeah, they don't take vacations or breaks or sick days or anything. They just work hard, every. single. day.

Dude
But they are killer and rapists and smell bad

Righetti
no they aren't and mostly they don't

Dude
But they take from our social safety nets..

Righetti
yeah, no

Dude
But they are brown..

Righetti
yes, now we got to the expressway you were looking for

Dude
But Trump told me that they came here and took our jobs and put them in a duffle bag and brought them to Mexico where they are turning those jobs into crystal meth and shipping it over the unsecured border by shoving it up the wawas of innocent girls but we will find them and arrest them and catapult them over the wall and charge them for the ride

Righetti
We are so screwed

Take on the Trump Pie Chart

The failing and very unfair Washington Post put out a very biased poll today which took their eye off the prize and ignored Trump's landslide victory and complete mandate. Well it was sort of silly but, at least, it was sort a nice distraction from our Dear Leader shoving his tiny foot in his gigantic mouth. The pie chart showed how Trump presumable spent his first 744 hours, the most striking thing was of course that he spent about 75% less time on Intelligence Briefings than he did on golf and we know that at least 15 minutes on briefings was done while lobster bisque was being served at Mar-a-Lago. Most people are upset about this, especially in light of Trump's constant trolling of Obama's golfing while president but I'm not one of them. I'd like to see Trump at golf every single day, preferably at Andrews Air-force Base which is a hop, skip and a jump (and a helicopter ride) away from The White House, instead of the $3 million dollar weekend jaunts down to Florida. I mean what sane person would care if he plays golf, it only means he can spend that much less time messing thing up. I could see a bunch of Trumpettes being upset because it would take time away from repealing Obamacare, building walls, starting wars, breaking treaties, undermining alliances, exiting trade deals and every other horrible thing he wants to do.

From the official tally, it sounded like Obama played 333 rounds of golf while president, which is nothing compared to Woodrow Wilson's 1200 or Ike's 800 rounds.

Trump is at 6 or something, so he has some serious catching up to do

Take on Milo

When I first heard of Milo Yiannopoulos it was as part of the Alt-Right movement and I just assumed he was some right wing Greek guy as part of a new age of neofascism pushing across Europe. I read a few things he wrote, saw a few news pieces, watched the protests at Berkeley and just assumed he was the face for neo-right with Steve Bannon as the brains. A libertarian with an ability to get under your skin, a more vocal Peter Thiel if you must. Not until I saw him on Bill Maher did it become clear that this was nothing of the sort, after 10 minutes I turned to my wife and said "this has to be shtick, right?" I mean, he was so clearly trolling both the liberals and the conservatives with his over the top Borat thing, that nobody could take him seriously, yet everybody does. Even Maher seemed in on it. If Bannon is pure evil, Miller is sadistic, then Yiannopoulos is the smartest man in the room because he's pulled on over everybody. He's a more ridiculous Colbert, he's an actor plays a flamboyant European transplant with a ridiculous Greek last name with more vowels than a Sesame Street episode and says the most outrageous thing and then tops it with another, and people are up in arms

Today all the talk will be about his pedophilia thing, and as repugnant as that is, I have to believe that's just all part of the act. Performance art designed to elicit a powerful emotion all on the unsuspecting minds of the GOP and their freedom of speech caucus. I get that it all comes across as bizarre but that makes it all the more perfect, an act so over the top that you can only shriek in defiance. This is Skip Bayless, this is The Iron Sheik, this is Sacha Baron Cohen at his absolute best and everybody is freaking the hell out which is exactly the goal

Take on Dancing in the Darkness

I finally figured out what makes Chris Christie so obsessed with Donald Trump, it's probably not the hard charging bully thing or the meatloaf, it's that Trump pretends he's Springsteen. Yesterday during the beginning of the 2020 presidential campaign, Trump pulled Courtney Cox onto the stage and he guy practically made out with him. The dude had been waiting on line for 14 hours like he was some obsessed Yankee fan and got serenaded by the president in front of the entire world. We found out later that Mr. Cox has a cardboard cutout of Trump which he salutes daily, presumably on his knees
Hope there was some extreme vetting on this psycho before he got on stage and then crowd surfed back to his seat

Take on Trump's survey

Trump's Make America Great Again, Again committee put out a survey to poll Americans on the levels of bias in the Main Stream Media and it reads as if The Donald himself wrote it.  Long gone are the days of policy defended in long form, it now has to fit nearly into 140 characters for our president because he can't keep his attention for much more than that.   Well the survey is another doozie, with questions like

1. On which issues does the mainstream media do the worst job of representing Republicans? (Select as many that apply.)

   •  Immigration
   •  Economics
   •  Pro-life values
   •  Religion
   •  Individual liberty
   •  Conservatism
   •  Foreign policy
   •  Second Amendment rights

There are so many double negatives in this thing that you can't even fill it out quickly because every question reads like. Do you not like the person who you hate more than the person who you only sort of hate?     I'm sure that after this stupid survey gets passed around the country, Big Don will not like the findings of it, because it's hard to convince a country a country that they have an enemy when that enemy is the only sensible voice in the room. 

Anyway, fill it out and sign it Eric Trump 

https://action.donaldjtrump.com/mainstream-media-accountability-survey/

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Take on MeatloafGate

Poor Chris Christie, he's had a rough patch lately.   First he lost all credibility over BridgeGate which in turn lost all his popularity.  He then got trounced in the republican nomination, then he hitched his wagon to Trump until being unceremoniously dumped on the eve of the inauguration.  He then  finally does get invited back to the White House and when he gets there he is told by Trump to order anything on the menu which, to a guy like Chris Christie, is like waking up for Christmas morning. And then, not three minutes later, when the waiter shows up, Trump tell him that both he and Chris will have the meatloaf.   Trump knows how to emasculate a man better than anybody (little Marco, Low Energy Jeb!) and he did a masterful job at it with the (not) lovable governor of our fair state.  

But I'm calling FakeNews on this, because the thing about MeatloafGate is that we all know that Big Chris was going to order the meatloaf anyway.  There was no way that he was ordering the arugula-kale salad with baby corn and quinoa, so this all Much Ado About Nothing.   It would be like me asking my two year old if she'd like ice cream or broccoli.  For the sake of expediency, I'd already be at the freezer with that weird looking ice scooper thing.  

With all that said, I would love to try that meatloaf, it does sound delicious. 

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Take on leaked Fake news

Some people want to have their cake and eat it too and one of those is our cake eating commander in chief. Trump is like Def Leppard, he has about five good songs all wrapped into one Hysteria.

When things go bad and people aren't interested in hearing the newest studio release, they go to the hits like Pour Some Sugar on Me and that one other song people know. In Trump's case he either turns to crowd size (lie), the fake news (dangerous) and failing news (silly), his own alternative facts (stupid) people treating him unfairly (boohoo), electoral mandate (sort of) and Hillary/Obama (lame).

But most of the time he goes to only one of them to defend himself and placate his audience but today he went with the Triple Lindy and went Fake News and Obama based Leaks and threw a crowd size, electoral college falsehood and snowflakes in there for good measure. The weird thing is that you can't have it both ways, it's either Fake News or they are illegal leaks. If they aren't real, then they aren't legitimate leaks and if they are real then, by definition, they can't be fake news. What he probably did was mistake his Fake News for his Failing News thing which is understandable since they both start with an F and have "News" after it.

Take on buyers remorse

Donald Trump has been president for less than a month and has fulfilled a ton of promises, mostly that he'll get things done.  You can fault the man for a lot but not for lack of effort.  But with the latest Gallup poll dropping his approval rating to the level of GWB post Katrina, you wonder how much more he (and the country) can take 

You can't complain that there are leaks and then also say it's fake news when they are reported.  It is either a leak or it's just garbage, there are no grey areas.     They have now come under tremendous scrutiny and it's time for Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell to step up and put country first which is about as likely to happen as Trump staying off of Twitter for 24 hours because I'm not sure there is a vertebra between the two of them.  

Then I heard somebody say that for the good of the country and the world, the left should stop goading Trump with this Russia stuff because, as you can see from his tweets today, he will feel the need to prove he can be tough which will likely lead to some international incident (and change the narrative for Trump).   

I like how the responsibility of the world not ending now squarely falls on the shoulders of a bunch of latte drinking, tree hugging, pizza parlor visiting, kale eating, man hating, non sock matching, gay sex having, iguana owning, Prius driving, tandem bike riding, Chardonnay drinking, Roger Goodell supporting sycophants 

Time to learn Russian 

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Take on the Valentines Day Massacre

I've been thinking of ranking the Trump inner circle from most dangerous to least and it was a doozy but today my job got a little easier

Michael Flynn was on top of the list, either right in front or right Steve Bannon and nobody wants to be that close to that stinking pile of human flesh. Stephen Miller is up there but his youth gives him a chance for redemption although he seems like a complete wacko.

Kellyanne Conway is more sleazy than dangerous and she'll be gone before the weekend and Spicer is just a doofus who is going to get minimized shortly. Priebus is just a suit, so I'm not that worried about him either. But Michael Flynn had that camp groundskeeper with a hacksaw look in his eyes and that was probably the best part of him. This guy is certainly a hypocrite, possibly a traitor and likely a criminal (lying to the FBI). The only question now is if he is covering for his boss and complicit in obstruction.

If the DoJ told Trump about this on January 26th and then Trump sent Pence out a week later to tell Chuck Todd that all was good without Pence knowing, then who is bludgeoning who? Pence either knew and lied or was not told the truth and made to look like a schmuck claiming now he found out about it when the Washington Post went to print.

But the fact that he might be compromised didn't bother Trump because Trump is probably compromised if the dossier has any truth to it. Why else has he gone after every solid ally we have (Australia, Mexico, NATO) and has been softer on Russia than his own soft belly

Either way we need an investigation because the ties to Russia are deep and dangerous although asking our elected officials to put country over party is about as likely as having Trump replace Flynn with Gandhi

Take on the smug smile

While both his and Abe's inner circles were frantically looking for cell phones to illuminate the super secret intel about the latest North Korean provocation, our Dear leader sat back and took it all in, like a mentally challenged six year old. I get that not every president handles a crisis quite the same, Obama liked to listen, Reagan went to his advisors, Herbert drew on his experience from the CIA, W liked to color and Bubba told the girl under the table to go faster, so it's not surprising that Trump has his own way. Trump takes the opportunity to marvel at the curtains and carpeting and cutlery at Mar-a-Lago and thinks about the impromptu speech to a newlywed couple in the main ballroom 100 feet away.
A campaign which was punctuated with "lock her up" chants because of Hillary's questionable use of classified materials, now put their own classified information spread on the table right over the lobster bisque and the peppers with anchovies, so they could read it clearly. Didn't seem to matter that waiters were refilling water glasses and club members were taking photos, because Trump is Trump and the rules only apply to other people.

Great job America

Take on the Stephen Miller Band

I have a buddy who has a striking resemblance to Stephen Miller, down to the creepy eyes but nothing could prepare me for that abomination I saw today when Miller stopped by George Snuffleupagus on the This Week set. Miller who is 36 and might very well still be a virgin, looked like a child when confronted with a simple question of "show me the facts". Unlike Kellyanne Conway, who is a seasoned political snake, Miller came across as a toothless gecko who sounded like he was arguing politics on a anonymous online forum. Of course we all awaited his bosses tweet on his performance which read, to me, as the same vote of confidence Phil Jackson will give Jeff Hornacek in April this year.

Take on the abused Ivanka

When Trump tweeted "I am so proud of my daughter Ivanka. To be abused and treated so badly by the media, and to still hold her head so high, is truly wonderful!" I thought immediately that something had happened. Maybe the FailingNYTimes had put out a hit piece about her fashion line, the failingWashingtonPost had a story about her not being a good mom or the winningNationalInquirer had a story of her having an affair with Rosie O'Donnell. But looking through Twitter I couldn't find anything other than the Nordstrom scrum from earlier in the week. The one who got beat us about that were Daddy Trump and the one chick who looks like a cross between Sarah Jessica Parker and a troll.
What shocks me is that I actually think the media has been pretty fair to Ivanka, many people seeing her as the most reasonable voice in her fathers circle. Although that is like saying your the prettiest fat girl considering the rest of that circle involves Trump sons Beavis and Butthead, Stephen "crazy legs" Miller and a guy in Steve Bannon who actually looks like a fat woman.
But I guess Trump feels that she's been wronged, so much that she has actually been abused which is pretty strong language especially considering the way Melania seems to cower whenever The Big Don comes her way.

Take on the great negotiator

So much for the brilliant negotiator... what trump lacked in experience, temperament, ability and competence was all going to made up by his ability to make great deals. What those deals are is still completely unclear but if his negotiation tactics with China are any indication, we better all learn to speak Mexican. Trump broke with long precedent by speaking with the president of Taiwan breaking The One China policy set out by Jimmy Carter. This was seen as a shot across the bow, Trump's method of showing China whose boss.

In retaliation, Xi Jinping refused to take Trump's call and after three weeks in office, the great negotiator came back and said he'd stay with the One China policy which only showed how weak our president is.

Take on @Rosie

There aren't many things I agree with Trump on, the lone exception might be that I never thought Rosie O'Donnell was all that special or funny...until today.
She just changed her profile picture and it's a doozy, fat Rosie now looks just like fat Steve Bannon and it's glorious. The only thing missing are all those nasty blood blotches he has all over his face like he is about to blow up from a diabetes attack. I'm sure his boss won't be thrilled with this one, only a matter of minutes till he tweets