Take on new Toys for Tots idea

Every year our office building, a couple of weeks before Christmas put out a huge toys for tots box. They ask for unopened toys for underprivileged kids which sound like, and probably is, a great cause. By the end of the drive the box is pretty full and somebody takes it and hopefully delivers it to a bunch of needy kids in housing complexes or homeless shelters but I was thinking of how this entire thing could be 100x bigger..if they put that same box out right after Christmas, they'd need three pickups per day. My kids get so much useless crap for the holidays, it is just insane. Most of it isn't nice and definitely isn't necessary but people feel this need to give crap to other peoples kids
Luckily we have a mutual disarmament agreement with our closest friends, which wasn't always this way but still between family, random friends and neighbors and a bunch of other people, the vast amount of garbage we get is just ludicrous. We have one family member who will remain nameless who basically dropped and entire Toys R Us aisle onto the laps of my kids. Board games they'll never play, puzzles they'll never open, coloring books that won't ever get used along with boxes of crappy Chinese made plastic toys which now defines American un-exceptionalism.
I took every one of these unopened and dump them onto the stoop of GoodWill because poor kids need crappy battery draining, lead paint covered, poorly constructed plastic toys, too.

Take on chubby Kim Jong Un

A new report claimed that Kim Jong Un has already ordered the death of 340 people since his reign started. This isn't exactly surprising since Kim has done nothing if not act completely maniacal but what is less surprising is that Kim looks like he has easily out on 100 pounds since he got into the position and he was a tub of lard then. There really is no less attractive look than a Korean man who looks like Mike Francesca.

Take on the giant cock

Some little city in China (and by little city it probably has 5 million people) erected a gigantic statue of a Donald Trump themed chicken in their shopping mall and the Chinese are going crazy.  You'd think that with all the derogatory remarks that he made throughout the campaign and through the transition including some diplomatic missteps that the average Chinese guy wouldn't be all that fond of a huge Trump in their own backyard but here you have this huge statue of a Trump cock with thousands of Chinese people standing in front of it taking selfies, kind of reminds you of those Chinese tourists taking photos with that Wall Street Bull's testicles. http://takeonrighetti.blogspot.com/2016/09/take-on-those-wacky-tourists-rubbing.html?m=1

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Take on the Bombogenesis

Forget El Niño or The Polar Vortex, this week we're going to be facing a much tougher for when the Bombogenesis arrives. I have no idea what the hell this thing is but somehow meteorologist are saying it's a real thing (and that thing that sounds like the nickname of some fat high school football player is its actual name.  From what I have read, a Bombogenesis is when the barometer drops 24 somethings in 24 hours which sounds really bad, I think

Although considering this is only supposed to hit New England maybe @spillo had it best 

	Sam Lillo (@splillo)
12/28/16, 9:21 AM @wxjay @OUWXDoc @millennialmitch we can drop all terminology and just agree the storm "gets wicked strong wicked fast"

Anyway, I'm sure the supermarket shelves will be empty, the gas station lines will be endless and the polar exposure will be overrated but I guess a week after Christmas we have to look forward to something.

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Take on a rough year

2016 is a few days from being done but it has to be remembered as one of the worst ones for celebrity deaths. The musicians alone are legends, you add to that the greatest boxer, Princess Leia, Gene Wilder and the guy who played R2D2 and it's really been a rough one. You had TV parents Alan Thicke and Florence Henderson

Although I find it a bit disappointing to include people like Zsa Zsa Gabor or that weird looking guy who married Liza Minnelli.

A few we thought were dead already like Abe Vigoda and Gordie How. A few of them were just old like Nancy Reagan, Arnold Palmer and John Glenn and even that old guy from the McLaughlin report but a few of them were actually really young like Jose Fernandez and the girl from the Voice

The issue is that it will only get worse next year as all these baby boomer celebs hit their mid to late sixties, it's inevitable for a bunch more to croak. Plus we are more celebrity obsessed now than ever before, so in fifty years when a bunch of the fat chicks from Housewives in Atlanta or some Kardashian brother kicks the bucket they will have to remembered by somebody

Take on the LED headlights

The most dangerous thing on the road might not be teenagers, distracted drivers or black ice, the most dangerous thing might be those LED headlights that are all the rage. I swear that when a car with LED's comes around a corner, I feel like somebody took a laser to my eyes balls. I'm sure that there are some studies that Big lightbulb had to run to prove to the highest commission that these things are safe but I bet that they hurried the real research like the NFL did with concussions and Philip Morris did with lung cancer. In twenty years they'll see the uptick of highway deaths and it can all be blamed for those energy saving devils.

Take on Christmas

Christmas is different for everybody, for some people it's a chance to get together with family, for others it's a chance to reflect on the year and for others it's an arms race. Forget Putin, our county is under assault from drones dropping crappy Chinese plastic toys upon our kids. We won't ever get from underneath the oppression of the great Asian beast if we can't get off of our dependency on shitty toys and nothing shows that more clearly than our Christmas tree. Between us, our families, extended families, random neighbors and friends, the amount of crap we get would make a small village in south east Asia or Africa cry, it's an assault of the senses, it's an attack on morality through charge cards and gift cards and it is the reason I hate Christmas like a pack of horny dogs.

Take on the new nuclear arms race

The fear is that when Trump goes nuclear, he goes completely nuclear and we're all less safe because of it.   Our president elect, has vowed to greatly expand our nuclear capacity and has shown more than just willingness to engage in another arms race which sounds about as sensible as electing him as president.  I can't believe that in 2016, we have an incoming administration more likely to start a nuclear holocaust than in anytime in the last fifty years.  I would say that Trump is more than just a few catch phrases although his top ones (Build the Wall and Drain the Swamp) seem to have been scrubbed from his official vernacular.

I am sure that with the grace of god, he won't do so much damage to our country and this world that we can't recover but he certainly will give it his best shot. 

He is a complete child, one who has no ability to not go into a complete rage at every perceived slight.  I guess the fact that he seems to be exchanging pleasantries with Putin is actually a good thing because of Putin provokes him, we're all so screwed 

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Take on the rude JetBlue passengers

Some NYC doctor and his husband we're thrown off a JetBlue flight for harassing Ivanka Trump and he works is now on its head. First of all, why he hell is Ivanka sitting in the middle seat on a commercial airline closer to the bathrooms than to the front door?? I'm just a businessman and I wouldn't be caught dead in those seats, unless I was flying last minute and certainly not if I was the heir to a billionaire

But this is just as much about every single jackass who feels it's their right to mouth off. Just shut your hole, eat the free peanuts and watch an episode of Flip of a Flop while you fly to Portland l. You are just delaying the flights for the rest of us

Take on the gold plated TrumpPhone

What do you get for the girl who has everything? Forget diamond or pearls or a thong and nipple clamps, what they. We'd this Christmas is their phone belonged to the nines and nothing gets you to three upside down nines quicker than a Donald Trump themed gold iPhone. Some store decided that this has to be the next great accessory as it just feels cheesy and rich. The only thing they need now is a couple of brand ambassadors, Kim K is a bit busy with her own blinged out phone, I think Taylor Swift is a Hillary chick and the Duck Dynasty guys probably use walkie talkies, Scott Baio would look weird with a gold phone, Stephen Baldwin is a possibility but not sure he can afford it and Ted Nugent is too much of a man's man to have this in his purse

So I guess it's up to Kanye to make the iPhone great again

Take on the Bolton 'stache

Trump told us he would hire the best people but apparently the Washington Post has found out that by best, he means best looking. Everybody knows that Trump is vain and weird and obsessed with looks but nobody assumed it would carry over to people he would hire. Apparently, John Bolton was disqualified in Trump's eyes not. Excuse he is a maniacal psychopath but because he has that stupid Bed Flanders mustache. I can't say I'm unhappy with the snub but it is odd that the highest office in the land uses a guys looks to decide whether he should be out. Actions too diplomat.
Then again John Bolton does look kind of like the kind of guy who stands and the back of the subway platform and flashes random Asian women trying to head home to Queens

Take on the South Carolina anti porn bill

Two lawmakers in South Carolina na have proposed a bill banning pornography on any device which will ensure one things...people will start getting VPN like they do in China when they want to watch a little Midnight rendezvous.
What is more disturbing is that they give you an opt-in, you can pay $20 to the state to disable the porn blocker which doesn't exactly make there entire "Sex Trafficking" initiative feel a little weak.
But most importantly, this will mean that I will never visit the state again

Take on the Trump security team

Reports surfaced on Monday night that the president elect was planning on keeping his own security staff around to protect him, a job which has always fallen upon the secret service. People have already bent themselves into pretzels trying to justify this but it really doesn't make sense and is probably quite dangerous. The logistics of a presidential visit is already a massive undertaking but if you add to that a team of a dozen private contractors l it becomes that much more impossible to manage. What happens when Trumps security detail and the secret service disagree on a threat to his safety, who gives? Does this become a standoff situation to see who blinks first. More importantly or telling, hiring a private security team sounds like the kind of thing that Gaddafi would have done

Although it would make for a good plot line for a ridiculous Arnold Schwarzenegger movie about a breach by a private contracted security team as an attempted overthrow of the government. The twist...although we all assume it originated with the contractors, the inside job actually came from the secret service.

Arnold could use the work

Take on the Puppet

Puppet? No Puppet!!

Every time I turn around, Trump has added another pro Russian to his inner circle and every time he does, we're changing the geopolitical climate. First it was Manford, then Flynn and now with Tillerson, it couldn't be a more pro Russian government unless we brought back Boris Yeltsin, Gorbachev and Nikolai Volkoff. I also get that not having an adversarial relationship with the great sleeping bear is not a bad thing but in doing so it encourages and justifies their behavior in Aleppo and the Ukraine and the rest of that part of the world

Take on Santa

With a seven year old in tow, it's becoming harder and harder to walk down the street and not feel like she's going to come to a major revaluation at any given point. I know that this is about the right age for her to come to that conclusion but I'm just not ready for it and I certainly don't need her finding out by seeing some four whiskey, cigarette dangling out of his mouth fat man dressed in a red suit to ruin it for her when he rips ass in the Shop Rite parking lot as he's getting into his CRV. Take the costume off when you are going to be a jerk

Take on the Ivanka Trump coffee date

Apparently the dumber (but slightly less sleazy)of the two Trump bros has been pimping it his sister for a cup of coffee for the highest bidder. We're not sure how TeflonDon or Mr. Kushner thinks about it but we're assuming they signed off on it.
But this is just how obvious it has become that The Trump administration is open for business and if you want to do business with The USA you better stay at a Trump property, get an overlooked burger at the Trump Grill or bid $70,000 to have a cup of coffee with Ivanka. I'm sure you assume she'll flash you more than just a smile but I seriously doubt it.

Take on Big Chris' book deal

Nobody is loathed in the state on New Jersey more than Chris Christie. The fat man shut down a bridge for political gain, spent the better part of his second term running for president and then helping TeflonDon win and now in some kind of backroom deal is working with NJ Lawmakers to give them raises in exchange for lifting a ban and letting him write a book while in office. This is the kind of leadership that Big Chris would have brought to the White House had he come anywhere close to it which luckily he hasn't because apparently Trump shut the doors so quickly you would have thought it was a Waffle House offering all you can eat pancakes when Christie walked up.
I know we're piling on but if this country wants to Drain the Swamp they should start with the biggest turd in a state famous for its Swamp.

Big Chris is as crooked as he is fat and I for one can't wait for them to roll this tub of lard out of office in a year

Take on the bubble pack

Nothing irks me more as a person concerned about the environment than the amount of waste we get when getting things delivered. A Toys R Us package came yesterday and when it shows up I expected it to weigh thirty pounds because it was packed in a 15x15x15 box. I pick it up and find it weighs about as much as the empty version of the box may have. I fire there is probably a pillow inside but instead it's a little lego set wrapped around thirty miles of bubble wrap. I cannot imagine this is at all efficient and it certainly is not good for the environment because what the hell am I going to do with thirty miles of bubble wrap.
I thought about tossing it in the recycling bin except now my entire bin would be full. I could pop them all but probably wake up my kids in the process or I can take them to work to reuse it in our shipping department. I opt for the third option and o w here I sit on an hour and a half bus ride with a bag of bubble wrap on my lap which is about as uncomfortable as sleeping on a plastic bag.

Thanks a lot Toys R Us

Take on Rex Ryan Tillerson

TeflonDon tapped Rex Tillerson as America's number one diplomat this morning which seems about a good an idea as putting Rex Ryan in charge of your football team.  

You may not think Rex Ryan should lead the Rams next year and I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure putting the CEO of one of the worlds latest companies who has ties and business interests that do not align with American diplomacy is a hot idea, either

I'm fine with putting business minded people in cabinet jobs, just don't think the SoS is one of those and certainly not with an oil man.  

The only question now is if Rex Ryan is a bigger sham as a defensive guru (Le'veon Bell has wet dreams about his vaunted defense) or if TeflonDon is a bigger one as POTUS

Problem is that one of them only ha to please a bunch of meatheads who body slam each other into burning wooden tables covered in Natty Ice cans while the other is the leader of the free world, but who's counting?

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Take on the cyber hackers

When a man proudly claims that he doesn't use a computer, you can't fault him for not knowing how the mechanics of one works. It certainly sounded like Trump thought that Hillary acidwashing her emails meant he stood in her bathroom pouring a bunch of bleach dumping it on her MacBook.
So you can't totally fault him for thinking that it's impossible to catch a hacker because you can only catch them in the act, as if there is I trail of clues. You can't fault him for not knowing it because nobody really knows how it's done but you can certainly fault him for spreading it out there
But the real question was why weren't we told about this earlier and I think it comes down to one thing...arrogance. Nobody in the big democratic empire ever imagined that Hillary would lose, so they wanted to look like they weren't getting down and dirty

Obama not wanting to look like he was meddling kept the information at bay. The CIA not wanting to look like they were comparing penis sizes with the FBI, kept their finding quiet.
I kind of doubt the Russians really had much of an impact but when the entire election hinges on a few hundred thousand votes in Wisconsin and Michigan and Pennsylvania, anything helps