take on the new woot.com site

I have been making a daily visit to woot.com religiously for the last five years and have a garage full of useless crap to prove it.   I have bought a roomba, a portable bidet/vegetable cleaner, an Allen wrench set, a stool, a collection of Disney books, an etch-a-sketch, a blender, a dyson vacuum cleaner, a rabbit cork-screw thing, beef jerky, a walkie talkie set and more shirts than I can remember so I think that when I speak, woot should listen.  

They launched a new version of their ridiculously successful website this week and honestly it feels like a schizophrenic puked all over the screen.   There are pop-up windows, competing offers, blogs, they've burried content an have added so much noise that for the first time in years I dread typing in woo... in my address bar.   

It was always a clean and easy website to navigate with just enough fun to keep you interested even when the deal of the day didn't interest you..But with the launch of Woot of the Future they have messed up a good thing.  They've added something called Woot plus which we predict will be about as successful as google+  and thrown a bunch of ridiculous ads all over the page which seem to bleed all over the content.   It's atrocious to see what has happened to what has been a go-to site for me... The biggest issue is that they have now buried the original write-up on the top right-hand side with one of those 'click for more' buttons and by doing so they have ruined the absolute best part of the entire site because that write-up was laugh-out-funny

Take it from me.. I'm a loyal customer, go back to the original no nonsense clean version of the site or you'll turn us all against you..  Take this as a threat to your very existence because we represent your livelihood.....







the only way you'll appease me now is by sending me a bag of crap 

Take on Sushi Pricing

I am convinced that the only number more cooked than Facebook's 'active users' number is the price of sushi.    I cannot tell you how many times I've gone out for or ordered in sushi and when I've tried to figure out what the total price be and I'm off by $30 or $40, it's like walking into Target buying a box of diapers and a tshirt and getting handed a receipt for $110.

The weird thing is that if I go an order three burgers and fries at the Perfect Pint all of which are listed at $12, I can reasonably guess that including tax we get to about $40 but throw the same thing at Haru Sushi and a spicy tuna roll for $8, a sashimi deluxe for $22  and a sapporo for $6 plus tax and tip is $60..  I don't know if it's the dollar-to-yen conversion, the price of miso soup or the fact that the ahi tuna gets sold at market price but you try to guestimate a price in your head and you are just never close.  The real issue is taht because the Japanese are such nice and honest people you feel bad bringing something like this up and like when your SONY TV breaks you are more likely to blame yourself.

Taking on the summer

Years ago we used to have distinct seasons while now we muddle through
misery for twelve months. It has gotten so bad that the prospects of
summer now infuriate me because I used to love May and June yet now
dread it like I used to dread the first day of school. The garbage
stinks worse, everybody's temper is shorter and every line seems that
much more endless.

Long gone are the days of summer dresses, short skirts and and
open-toe shoes and happiness; every chick you see now has sweat stains
under her pits, a small lake forming on her back, a frizzy head of
hair and athletes foot and I am holding global warming responsible.
So between ExxonMobile, the Chinese government and every ahole driving
an F250 I give you a big F you, I hope you like your chicks stinking
like rotting fish and looking like they are a deckhand on Deadliest
Catch

Take on the FB departure

When a friend sent me a piece from the New Yorker
(http://m.newyorker.com/online/blogs/comment/2012/05/leaving-facebookistan.html?mbid=social_mobile_email)
about some dude leaving Facebook I thought it was a worthwhile read
hoping somebody could eloquently put into words the frustration that
many out there have. The article lays out the terms of the departure
because of a combination of the ever changing landscape of the
security of personal information and the notion that the average
investor in the IPO was duped. The funny thing is that I left FB a
year ago for none of the moral, ethical or financial reasonings. I
honestly could care less about anything other than user experience
which I have always thought was the true downfall. It's not that
seeing my cousin's kid isn't cute but hearing about her view of some
crappy Dutch movie isn't at all cute.
But even that is manageable with hiding posts, pairing down friends
and selective screening, what irks me is what it has allowed is to
come, that on a five hour drive, somebody can sit next to you and
spent the entire time conversing online, I hate what it has brought
our society where true human interaction gets put on hold although it
is literally sitting 2 feet away because there is a more immediate
gratification available a hundred miles away in the form of a status
update But even this I can live with, what REALLY sticks in my craw
is that you multi-task the conversation and not be able to understand
that there is something wrong with it. When every thought can be
spewed out in 140 characters or less and when having only one
conversations at once seems like you aren't even trying.

Take on the gray

Like fresh snow on pure black asphalt there was no way to hide the
obvious contrast. It started in small hidden patches of insurgency
which could be picked off but slowly grew like mold in a humid
bathroom. A few months ago I started noticing flecks of gray
appearing in the beard I've worn continuously since 2008. Not that a
little gray isn't becoming of a man and although my knees probably
disagree, I still feel like a young man.   That was until the white bristles
start to outnumber the brown ones the flood gates are open and before
you know it you look less like Jesus and more like John Tortorella

Take on the NHL TV coverage

Although I am far from a true hockey fan, I am a sports fan and appreciate the game especially come playoff time.   With that said I don't exactly go out of my way to watch it and mostly depending on seeing some highlights on Sportscenter and getting recaps from the Bump.   

Well last night was different, with no American Idol on TV, I had the remote to myself and when I scrolled over to espn.com I saw that the Devils and Rangers were in a 2-2 tie in game 6 of the conference championship with about 5 minutes to go. 

Now I know that Rangers games are usually on MSG so my instinct was to go there but saw quickly it was running old WWF highlights, I figured they didn't have playoff rights.   I went to NBC since I was pretty sure they were the broadcast partner but only caught an episode of How to Catch a Predator.  I used the guide to find the NHL network but I either don't get that channel or it was showing a making of the ice-skate special because that also wasn't where the game was either.   I go to ESPN, ESPN2,YES and still no hockey. Finally after going back on line I find out from espn.com that it is being broadcast on the old Versus now called NBCsprts.    How hard can that be to find?

pretty f'n hard.   I went through all 100 channels in the HD range and found nothing (although I did stop on Spike to catch some of Star Wars IV).   I scroll to the other NBC cable channels figuring they sandwich it between CNBC and MSNBC but find only some dude suggesting Mitt Romney should consider Bobby Jindal.     I scroll through the area where you find the 2nd tier sports channels figuring it might be between ESPNews and SNY but also find nothing.  

I honestly look around for 10 minutes and can't find it at all   I am forced to google it and am told by one of those google answers that I get NBCSprts lm channel 122    I go there but although shows NBCSprts on the guide is actually blacked out.   I figure maybe it's being broadcast on channel 9 or 11 like they do for NFL Network games for a home team but find no hockey there either.  I have gone to every conceivable spot to find it and it proves to be as elusive as Barry Melrose's clippers. 

Well finally I find it...on channel 481.   

For a point of reference this comes AFTER five separate Big 10 channels including three channel dedicated for Big 10 overflows because you know how much everybody in NYC cares about Purdue and Northwestern mens lacrosse  

How the hell does the NHL have any hope when game 6 of the conference playoffs is being televised in the black hole of the TV lineup shoehorned between ESPN Deportes and Buzzer Beaters

Sent from my iPhone

Take on the flotation device

I've been on hundreds of flights but it wasn't until today that I
heard a little subtlety in the Delta safety video. After explaining
how to fasten a seatbelt, telling you about their frequent flyer
program and showing us some terrible promotional video they hit us
with probably the most important piece of information. As they
discussed a possible water landing, I clearly heard the video say
that 'some chair cushions' could act a floating devices. Some cushions
is not the kind of information I want to have to find out when I am trying to
swim in minus 20 degree weather, I saw the way Titanic ended and
without a raft you are screwed. Call me a socialist but to me you
either offer everybody a floaty or nobody one because the last thing I
want to find is that my seat cushion is the equivalent of a bowling
ball

Thank god this particular flight is all over land.

Take on the automatic papertowel dispenser

I am convinced that the 2012 version of the 1992 Hyundai is the
automatic paper-towel dispenser. The chances of one of these things
actually working has to be less than Derek Jeter's batting average
(with baseballs not with chicks). Honestly I must walk into hundreds
of public bathrooms which have these things set up and would guess
that there are hundreds of times I walk out with wet hands because
unlike automatic doors which hardly ever have failure these things are
worthless

Take on the crazy bodega rules

The bodega is really a NYC phenomenon as I really don't think there is
anything quite like it in the rest of the world. You can get
anything from things to placate your vices (butts, lottery tickets),
your stomach (egg and cheese, chips), your daily household stuff
(laundry detergent, toothpaste) and sometimes booze
I say sometimes because there are tons of places owned by people who
have religious justifications for not selling alchohol which I am OK
with since it is not by business to tell you what you should or should
not sell. Although when you walk in the back and see large white
sheets of paper covering the back refridgerators hiding the content I
wonder where your moral high-ground argument is leading to
Last week I came across one of these and quite honestly didn't know if
it was a religious or a legal barrier no liquor license) but covering
a fridge full of Budweiser with paper can't possibly server either
purpose all that well. Although buying a six did give me a nice
insight to what it must have been like during prohibition

Take on dry heat

Having spent the last 4 days in 108 degree Scottsdale heat might be
making me even a bit more nuts than I usually am. My issue is that
any conversation you have with anybody basically feels like sequenced
dance routine. You literally have the same conversation ten times
over again

Righetti. "Jesus Christ it is bloody hot"

Arizonian. "yes but it's dry heat"

Righetti. "I don't give a shit if I were in a conventional oven, I
literally feel like the sun is burning a hole into my skin"


There really is nothing dumber than this conversation because it tries
to justify how completely uncomfortable you are. Yeah 108 with no
humidity is better than 108 and high humidity but that is like saying
getting kicked in the nuts by a high-school soccer player is better
than getting kicked in the nuts by Mesi...either way your voice will
go up a few octaves

Truth is I'd never go to a place that is 108 and humid on my own
accord so telling me that it's better than this means nothing to me.

But although I absolutely hate humidity at least you know how
frigging hot it actually is because this dry heat only means that the
only way you know is when you pass out because of dehydration.
The humidity does have an advantage since it does at the very least
it does give you some cloud cover so you aren't baking in that cancer-pit

Take on hotel water

When I travel to China, I am always well aware that I must star clear
of the water. I don't drink any table water, avoid anything that was
washed but not cooked (fruits and salads), brush my teeth with
bottled water and won't even drink soda which I haven't personally
seen poured out of a bottle. The beauty is that in every Chinese
hotel their are tons of complimentary bottles of filtered water a they
know the small cost far outweighs the backlash when some 300 pound
American businessman has to be rushed to a Chinese emergency room with
a terrible case of the runs. Even having to go through those
precautions to avoid anything not bottled doesn't prepare you staying
at the anti-Chinese hotel like a Hyatt where you too avoid the water
but for a very different reason. At the Hyatt like the Chinese
hotel they leave a bottle of water (if you can even call Aquafina
that) on your dresser The difference is the Chinese hotel has a note
saying they left it with their compliments while the Hyatt leaves a
note informing it would cost you $6.50 to open it. How the hell
these places get away with this kind of racket is beyond me but
charging the equivalent of an entire meal at Subway's for a bottle of
filtered water is criminal. They obviously prey on two groups, the
filthy rich who wipe their asses with $6.50 -which honestly can't be
comfortable- or those who get drunk and are too inebriated to realize
they just spent a small fortune on the piss they mix with syrup to
make Diet Coke

I refuse to give these places another penny of my money after having
dropped a few bills per night and $65 for breakfast which consisted of three eggs

Take on Bado

Standing on the subway last week I noticed an ad for the newest member of the social networking world. Obviously between Facebook, Google+,  LinkedIn, Twitter and all those smaller ones somebody decided that there is a need for another piece of social networking  clutter.  The newest member is some site called Bado which promises to get you in contact with some of the most interesting people in the world.  It does this by plastering subway ads with pictures of some of the most odd characters around all of whom are the kind of person you would avoid on the subway     The people pictured are either dudes posing without shirts on, chicks who look like David Lee Roth, old men or muscle-heads.  I get that this is supposed to be a bit tongue-in-cheek but of MadMen has taught us anything it is that an ad must be clever but remain simple and easily understood by everybody.  

Sent from my iPhone

Take on those silica packs

Considering you can check in online for a 4 hour flight to Phoenix
where you are able to surf the web at 10,000 feet, it amazes me fat
there are a ton of things we still can't do. For one it absolutely
amazes me that whenever my two year old gets a bag it still contains
one of those little salt-like bags of silica. How is 2012 have yet
not come up with a better way to keep moisture out of a bag. And why
is it so crucial to keep a bag dry before I get it but as soon as you
bring it home you are you supposed to toss those packets? Seems a
bit strange that they are only to be used before you get delivery of
the bag since it is probably more likely that when you are actually
using the bag it is way more likely to pick up moisture or mold than
when it sits empty in a store

Now I get using these silica packs for a work Samsonite carryon but
when they throw six of them in a Dora the Explorer backpack you really
wonder where the sensibility is. Take it from experience, you tell a
toddler not to put a silica pack in her mouth and within 2 minutes
said toddler is likely gagging on silica.
I get that this is the parent's responsibility and I take it fully but
would think that with modern day science being so cutting edge they'd
come up with something that isn't toxic to a kid

take on the ATTWireless.com website

For a company who claims to be cutting edge, using AT&T's website is basically equivalent to using two cans with a string between them.    For the last three years since I moved from Verizon, I've been using their website to pay bills, make changes to my account, add features etc and every time I do it, I stop half way through and call an operator because I feel like shooting myself.  It's like dealing with a schizophrenic with all the windows that pop-up with every button you press.   There is no linear motion whatsoever, each action launches a new and more confusing window on top of the 10 different windows you've already inadvertently launched.. but that isn't even the worst part.   the worst part is that the technology behind these dozens of popup windows just doesn't work

Just yesterday I tried to schedule a payment online and went to enter the date for the electronic payment to be made for June 5th which would be a day before it was due.. the problem was that every time I tried to manually pop in the date, the att.com website would open up a calendar..the problem is that it wasn't a live window.. although it gave you all the dates on a calendar you couldn't actually click on any of them.. so I would close that window and try to enter the date again and of course the only thing that keystroke accomplished was to launch that same non-working calendar window..

 

after being frustrated for 5 minutes, I just made a payment effective immediately which just meant that not only did I spend my free time with this crap, they also got my money sooner..

Take on the ShapeUps lawsuit

I saw a screaming headline on CNN.com earlier today that Sketchers had lost some kind of lawsuit and had to pay millions of dollars based on faulty information about those ridiculous looking shape-ups which look like marching band shoes for a high-school of mental patients.    Part of the issue was that the one of the experts, some chiropractor whose expert testimonial was used all over the ads was also married to some chick in the Sketchers marketing department.  At the end of the day they couldn't prove their claims of tighter tummies and firmer asses although I guess they did prove that the American public are a bunch of tight asses.    Although we don't like lying to the public, this was one of those claims which always seemed ridiculous.  Anybody who thought that walking around on shoes with a half-moon on the soles and all of a sudden you were going to go from a size 16 to a size 2 has had a couple of cheesburgers clog up the blood-line to the left frontal lobe.    I'm all for going after a company who lies to the public but at the end of the day they real lawsuit should have been based on pain-and-suffering because this faulty medical research led a lot of people to wear some really ugly shoes.

 

I still maintain that the most ridiculous thing about these things was that they never actually showed a celebrity wearing them, they'd have a picture of a smiling Joe Montana or Kim Kardashian's ass but never a picture of Cool Joe or Slutty Kim actually prancing around in them.  Maybe that's how John Candy actually wind up croaking. by Joe giving him a pair of these things and a bunch of guys laughing so hard that he died of embrarasment

Taking on Ringback tones

I get that the appeal to hearing JayZ or Carrie Underwood when calling
a teenager instead of the standard ringing noise but I am not sure I
get the appeal for an adult. Every time I call my Korean real estate
broker I hear Mozart which might sound more pleasant but truthfully
just sounds unprofessionally. I get kids wanting these things and
there are probably places around the world where they are considered
OK but I am glad to not be 15 anymore and also more than happy to not
live in Sri Lanka or Kuala Lumpur or Seoul because if I had to put up
with this everytime I called somebody o'd throws IPhone into the south
china sea because these things are beyond annoying

Take on the New ESPNRadio App

As I was listening to ESPN 1050 this morning (since the reception for ESPN 98.7 sounds like total crap) and during one of their terrible shows the host started talking about the great new ESPN Radio app which was just released.   Now I'm one of the suckers who plunked down $4.99 for the original app a year ago which allows me to download podcasts and listen to live feeds of a bunch of ESPN radio stations around the country.    For most of the time this is a complete waste since I can get a live feed by turning on my walkman and can download any podcast for free on ITunes..   The one advantage it does have is that when you are in a hotel in Korea at 2AM and can't sleep it is actually pretty pleasant to be able to listen to some NY Sportstalk

anyway the new and improved app (v 4.0) allows you to pause and rewind live programing, allows you to download stations for off-line listening and offers a new layout with the ability to custom create your own stations..

That's all fine and good except the fact that they tell me that it will cost another $4.99 for the new version which must be paid after a 14 day free-listening tour.   So now it's going to cost me $9.98 for this app (and god knows how many more of these upgrades I'm on the hook for).. 

so the obvious thing is..just don't download the new version and stick with the current (very serviceable version) .. well ESPN in their ITunes note threatens you because they say that they will discontinue the old version in a few months. so in other words the $4.99 I spent for v 3.0 recently just flew out of the window.. 

I don't recall having ever downloaded another app where after a few months they implode the thing and force you to buy a new one

Take on descaling

I am convinced the single serve coffee machines are the greatest
invention to have come around in the last decade. It is easy, clean
and sort of cheap (actually it is ridiculously expensive per cup) The
problem is that every few months the machine instructs you to descale
the machine which I guess is good for my health but it's not good for
my blood pressure cause it takes about a week to complete and for
somebody who is convince himself that he's always got something better
to do this is absolute torture. You have to pour all the water out,
put this descaling gunk in the machine, run it through the system
another four or five times and finally a few hours later you can drink
mold free coffee which frankly doesn't even taste as good

Take on the daily rug change

You realize there is just too much labor available in China when you
notice that they change the rugs every day in the elevators. This
might sound like the kind of thing a high-end hotel brags about but in
China even a factory spends time and energy changing and presumably
washing the rugs every day of the week. The irony is that these
guys change their rugs more often than they do their shirts as it is
not uncommon to see a guy wearing the same shirt a few days in a row.
You don't even have to take their word for it because they have the
day printed clearly on the rug as you walk into the elevators which
either meant as an exercise proving thoroughness or otherwise an
exercise to ensure all workers know which day of the week it always is

Taking on the empty pledges

While flying within China this week, I looked down at my ticket and
noticed that typed across the top was a message which screamed of
altruism and good deeds. China Southern Airline, one of China's
largest, would donate 10fen every time somebody flew the airline.
Now this sounds fantastic in principle but when you did a bit deeper
it actually is a bit disturbing.

See 10fen is roughly equivalent to 1.4 cents. This global airline
which carries passengers at rates from $150 to $3000 per flight has
generously offered to donate less than two cents to some charity. The
cost of printing it on the ticket probably costs more than what they
will actually donate
This is like making a nickel donation to stop WorldHunger and taking
bows for your gigantic heart