Take on Big Head Matt

Matt Gaetz apparently has decided to dump Nester and instead is looking to hire a new 18 year old.

He's not looking to hire a qualified, over achiever who has hopes of changing the world as a congressional intern but instead decided to make the public offer to a guy who should be spending the next 5-10 years in prison.

Of course, Gaetz doesn't care about what happens to BLM activists or even basic civility, he just hopes to lead his political party to go further off the deep end…and with this he is actually incredibly successful

But the clock is ticking on Matty…seems his buddy Joel Greenberg is singing like a canary and we will have some indictments coming soon.

Wonder how he can get that orange jumpsuit over his gigantic head without needing to cut it.

Take on Paul Gosar

If I ran into Paul Gosar with my car, I wouldn't recognize him. From what I can tell, he's a pretty worthless congressmen who doesn't ever see to do anything other than post stupid crap to give him some media attention. Today the house voted to censure him meaning he will be doing even less work but also immediately ingratiates him with the Trump right. Obviously if I posted a photo of me killing a coworker, it wouldn't go well but when you have a spineless minority leader and a lock-step GOP, you don't even acknowledge that it may have been in poor taste.

Take on Chubby Bubby

Trump put on a tuxedo and sat down with the My Pillow guy for a one on one interview to set the record straight…or to sell T-shirt's it's hard to know. Nothing came of it I'm sure as the two tried to get to the bottom of baseless election fraud by felating each other but then again nobody expected anything else.

What I did notice was that somehow Trump has gotten even fatter. He's now so round that he looks like BB8 with little legs and arms. I swear if you throw him on his back, he may not be able to get up.

Take on the homeless guy

Steve Bannon turned himself in and immediately tried to make himself out to by some kind of homeless martyr. I'm not sure who can help him but he looks severely sick, he has those weird marks all over his face, he always wears like five shirts and he looks like has hasn't showed in a month. There is nobody in their right mind who would get anywhere near him if he was standing on a subway platform


Trump has already proven to be more than happy to turn on him and the fact he looks like a sack of rotting potatoes won't help that case much either. Trump doesn't like sloppy and Steve is as sloppy as it gets

Take on too much coffee

Twitter asked today if there was such a thing as too much coffee. Coming from somebody who has two cups before 7am, three more by the noon, two afternoon cups of Joe, one when I get home and one before bed, I'm not sure there is an answer.

But if my heart stops at some point, realize a shot of caffeine won't jolt me awake

Take on Big Chris

When Big Chris got Covid last year, his boss called to check up on him…we'll be called to check in on him and to make sure that he wouldn't take the fall if Chris' family were in the market for a XXXL coffin. This is what The Former Guy is all about, making sure that no matter the situation, he wouldn't have to take any responsibility.

Luckily Big Chris made it through and lived but sadly Trump won't face charges for slaying the beast.

TaKe on Sloppy Steve

Sloppy Steve was indicted today for refusing to appear before the January 6th commission. Of course this shouldn't be news being that he flouted the law when he failed to comply to it.
What we have now are two counts each which can mean up to one year in prison but we know he'll likely get the minimum which is 30 days per count and then likely get our early for eating everything off of his plate..literally.

The issue with 30 days us that he won't suffer but instead will use it to become a kind of media darling

TaKe on Sloppy Steve

Sloppy Steve was indicted today for refusing to appear before the January 6th commission. Of course this shouldn't be news being that he flouted the law when he failed to comply to it.
What we have now are two counts each which can mean up to one year in prison but we know he'll likely get the minimum which is 30 days per count and then likely get our early for eating everything off of his plate..literally.

The issue with 30 is that he won't suffer but instead will become a kind of media darling

Let's h

Take on Kyle the Ritt

Kyle Rittenhouse will not rot in a jail cell, he will Ktm face the music for his misdeeds. He will never feel the pain of his victims because he's a heartless monster whose entire being is based on the fact he's privileged and white.

Had he been black, he's be fried right now. Literally They would have sent him to the electric chair and turned it to 11

Take on Rittenhouse

There is no bigger pantie wearing crybaby than Kyle Rittenhouse and there was no more embarrassing display than his Oscar nominated job today in the courtroom in Kenosha

His little glance over to the jury told you everything about how genuine his tears were which sounded like a fat guy's wet fart.

I know he'll get off because 'Merica.. but I hope he lives a miserable existence when he does because that dude does not deserve to walk the free earth….and his gigantic mother should be tried as an accomplice to murder

Take on Columbine

As if the entire NRA wasn't evil enough, tapes from right after Columbine show an almost unsympathetic view is the tragedy with their leaders huddled around trying to justify not cancelling their own convention which was to be held a few miles from the high school
It's hard to remember a time before Columbine when a mass school shooting seemed completely ludicrous. Nobody would actually gun down a building of unarmed teens purely for the shock value. We were more innocent then or maybe just more naive but twenty years later we've had Parkland and Sandy Hook and hundreds of others and at this point we hardly bat an eye. Our leadership has failed us, our fellow citizens have disappointed us and the gun lobby has profited.

In a country where everything is always about rights, the rights of the victim are never given any

Take on the anti vaxxers

Sometimes the Onion just writes itself. Today some random politician who was hosting a big anti vax rally had to step back from his appearance because..he has covid. I get the issue here, they are all so incredibly egotistical that they believe they can't possibly get infected with a virus that seems to have no regard of anything other than people who breath.

But that's where it's most infuriating, those politicians and media figures who go on their anti-vax rants are all earthly and come extend enough to get the best treatment afforded. So they don't physically die…although their soul does.

Take on Murphy

Phil Murphy underwhelmed last Tuesday but even an amateur political forecaster never thought this was in doubt. Yes, Jack took an early lead but when you see the outstanding votes, it was obvious it would break Murphy's way and now with 95% of the vote counted he's up by 65,000 votes which is like 2.6%. Of course a 10%+ would have been better for him but it honestly wasn't that close.

Take on Big Bird

Big Bird got Ted Cruz's panties in a bunch because the big soft muppet doesn't like the fact the bird gave out a public safety message. These idiots are convincing 40% of this country that every measure of safety is government overreach. Whether it's sensible gun reform, covid vaccines or mask wearing, they take every issue and choose "rights" over common decency. It all sounds like Marxist to a group which basically has the moral convictions of a bunch of stuffed animals.

Take on cryptomerica

Eric Adams made news by saying he would take his first three paychecks using Bitcoin which is only newsworthy if he negotiates the amount of Bitcoin beforehand. I don't see the difference if he gets $15k paycheck or $15k worth of Bitcoin on day one Bessie he could have just taken his paycheck, changed it and bought BitCoin.
This seems to me like saying I'll take it in Euros, in Jose Canseco rookie cards or in wheat pennies or whatever

So unless I'm missing something this isn't news. What will be news is if he will paying NYC and NY tax or NJ taxes

Take on Fox News

FoxNews is at the point where they are ripping on Murphy for gloating. This is the same channel which embraced Trump for not conceding. Then again these are the same idiots who preach to other idiots defending other idiots

Take on Murphy

Somehow Phil Murphy who is much more popular in his home state than Joe Biden almost lost to Jack Ciattarelli aktgough Biden ran all over Trump one year ago

It makes you think that in The Garden State the Trump effect is minimal and maybe also detrimental which isn't shocking considering how many people see themselves as independents here. Basically Jack never bringing Trump into the conversation shows you the roadmap for 2022. Keep away from the orange pile of flaming dog pop

Take on the rise of JFK jr.

There is very little about QAnnon I understand and what I do get is diminishing my the minute

The pedophile pizza ring was always odd but it had a known foil and I always assumed that the theory was that even if only a few whackos believed it, it would be enough to maybe soil some voters minds and swing a super close election.

The other ones with crazy deadlines for Trump to be reaffirmed always just seemed our in the sky with moving goalposts but it would keep the community engaged and they didn't ever seem to question any of it.

But the one I don't get is this JFK jr. thing. I'm not sure what the end goal was here but these weirdos do have to realize that if he were going to rise from the dead, he'd probably be a democrat being that…well.

But apparently the Trump/JFK Jr bandwagon had enough steam to drive a bunch of these folks for the JR Ewing moment in Texas

What bothers me most about this is who has time to do any of this?? Who can stand on a street corner in the middle of the day hoping to catch a guy whose plane crashed into the Atlantic like 15 years ago? Who is financially supporting them? Are they all still living in their parent's basements with transistor radios?

Then you realize this entire movement is filled with people on government aid and assistance, so the one supporting this is us.

Take on Josh “the porn addict” Hawley

Josh Hawley has never seemed like the kind of person who had enough self confidence but when he came out today to complain that feminism drives young men to porn and video games it seemed like a long overdue admission. We are sure that there is a long internet history on Hawley's computer of all sorts of pervert porn. He seems like the kind of guy way too interested in donkey love for example.

Take on Jen

Jen Psaki tested positive for Covid today, remind us that even people who are smart and careful can get banged the this horrid virus. We are obviously hoping for a quick return but know that this will only give fuel to the fire of crazies because they will
see her positive test as proof that the vaccines don't work. We on the other hand see the fact that she won't die as proof that they do

Take on the Trump Chop

Trump went for the World Series and did the chop thing not recognizing at all how blatantly racist it would be. Then again this is a jackass who shows up at a baseball game wearing a suit, doesn't drink a beer but instead lathers himself with the popcorn butter

It was also great to see Melania give him one of those looks where she basically throws up in her mouth when he's not looking. Serves her right for being a racist, money hungry, soulless birther

Take on Metaverse

The rebranding of Facebook went as badly as could be expected with one of the lamest names which was only better than the motto of connecting with people. I don't know about you but at this point I want less virtual people in my life not more especially if it's going to be littered with your crazy aunt with the Rod Stewart haircut spewing MAGA crap.

Take on Mullet Don

Trump has really let himself go in the last few months as he hasn't just put in a tremendous amount of weight, he's also decided to grow a mullet. I get his desire to connect with his constituency and believe it will likely work as they will finally be able to see themselves as a sham billionaire

Time for him to pick up a new F150 with one of those American flags with the blue lines to really complete the look.

Take on Alec Baldwin

The amount of coverage e Alec Baldwin shooting has gotten is so ridiculous outsized, it needs an investigation. People die by gun violence every day, school shootings are so common they don't hold our attention for more than a few moments and domestic violence only seems to get our radar if it involves a celebrity. This is the same thing we are seeing with this shooting - which we know is a complete travesty. The attention it has gotten and the new laws which will be enacted to make sure this will never be done again will be well deserved but will show -once again- that we don't care about gun violence unless it involves a celebrity.

Take on the Rittenhouse

Kyle Rittenhouse is going to get off..the writing is on the wall. Today the judge on his trail said that the prosecutio cannot refer to the two people he shot as victims as it would too loaded which is an odd argument when in the same ruling you are allowing the victims to be referred to as rioters or looters. It has been proven over and over again that the only thing loaded about this situation is that there were true rioters and looters on the one side and it wasn't just s bunch of proud boys causing a ruckus intended to paint the other side in a bad light

Take on Madison

Whenever I see the name Madison Cawthorn, it sounds like some mild who has an Only Fans page. He's got to yo there as one of the dumbest members of Congress, mainly because everything he does seems like a gigantic self own. Take today's tweet which says there have been 1.6 million arrests in the southern border and then asks why Biden hasn't done anything.

Oh well, can't fix stupid…or sluttyness

Take on January 6th.

The idea that January 6th was born out of some organic movement always seemed off. Not that such things can't be grassroots but that the people in charge had too much at stake to not push this forward. Trump has been way too vocal and his lackeys like Brooks, MTG, Boebert and Cawthorn have their political careers too far shoved up his ass and are attached at the rectum that they pushed The Big Lie for their own political aspirations.

We will soon find out that the grand conspiracy and the stop the steal was all funded from outside preying on the gullibility of red hat wearing Americans

Take on Travis Tritt

I never heard of Travis Tritt before last week when he took his idiotic stance on vaccine mandates which only showed off how poorly he concerts were selling. He did quickly become a bit of a household name when he started blocking random Twitter accounts while how own Twitter feed was likely a January 6th love fest

He's basically a card carrying,red hat wearing, anti science Trumpet and Major League Baseball thought having him sing the National Anthem was a good idea

Fools

Take on Matt Gaetz

Prosecution of Trump's henchmen all deem to be taking too long and we would have hoped Merrick Garland would have sped those up. But slowly we are seeing the dominos fall. Matt Gaetz seems to be in some hot water with the addition of a couple of top prosecutors to his child sex trafficking investigation which you'd hope would mean we start seeing some action sooner rather than later.

Getting Gaetz out of the way can only be helpful as he's just a other distraction from the fatter fish.

Take on Sloppy Steve

Sloppy Steve got held in criminal contempt of Congress today and it was a bipartisan effort which to me was shocking. We knew Liz Cheney would vote that way but the fact 8 others did also shows that there is at least some accountability for the rule of law

I'm not sure what happens next but they need to drag the sloppy one into congress and testify and play the tapes of his January 5th and 6th podcasts back to him.

Take on the Facebook name change

Facebook is figuring that if they just change their name, nobody will recognize the total social pariah that they have become. I gave up Facebook 10 years ago and honestly haven't missed it for a second. It was a miserable humble brag kiddie pool when I left and from I hear it has turned into a Trump, Covid cesspool since I left.
But Mark Zuckerberg thinks that changing the name to Clecko or Jumprama will convince investors that they are actually not an awful time waster attractinf the lowest denominator and controlled by a miserable sack of humanity. I hope not

Take on Trump’s Colin Powell take

Whenever Trump finds himself in some kind of hot water, he doubles down and goes all in. Today, on the day of his deposition, he decided to attack Colin Powell to distract the public from the fact he would likely lie under oath and instead turned the entire conversation to his latest outrageous pseudo tweet

We won't spend any more time on his take on Powell's death is nothing but disgraceful but them again when you are deplorable, it's just par for the course

Take on Colin Powell

Whenever somebody catches covid after having been fully vaccinated, it'll mean the crazies are right around the corner and easy to pounce. They don't seem to take into consideration that the vaccines have never said to be in 100% effective but that even if there is a breakthrough infection the likelihood of dying is significantly reduced.

When Colin Powell died, that formula played out exactly as expected with the crazy anti vaxxer crowd crowing about him dying despite being vaccinate. What they somehow forgot to mention was that Powell had blood and Parkinsons which is the reason he wasn't able to fight it off but if you admit that you are also admitting that your entire reason for living is skewed.

Take on the Dossier

I think anybody with half a brain trusts that the Steele Dossier was at least 75% true and likely closer to 95.

The saddest thing with this entire thing is that it was is obvious that he was compromised, and even if you didn't think he was, you'd have to admit that the fear of him getting compromised would be so obvious There is nothing about Trump that would give you confidence in his convictions, he's a petty man with small hands who has a closet full of skeletons.

But we didn't take it seriously and let this lunatic become the most powerful man in the world.

Take on the police officer reports

When a group of people are affected disproportionately by covid I generally feel for them. Front line workers, people working I covid wards, the elderly, the sick. But when our own law enforcement officers refuse to get vaccinated and then die at rates 5x that of gun violence, you wonder where priorities are. I'm so over this new thing where people make the decision to not defeat the virus but instead just let it continue unabated through their communities putting the most vulnerable people at risk.
You'd hope they would be looking to end this thing

Take on Joe Manchin

When the most powerful man in the country seems to be a senator from a state with less than 1.8 million people, there is something wrong.
Joe Manchin is going to submarine the most important legislation to help tackle climate change because he's in the pocket of big coal.

In 2021 the fact we still have a politician whose affiliation with coal isn't seen as politically repulsive is maddening.

We deserve the planet we are building for ourselves because we don't have the will to overcome an obstacle that looks like a beached whale.

Take on the WFT WTF moment

The WFT has made a lot of bad decisions during their history including bringing Joe Gibbs back ten times, not blocking Lawrence Taylor that Monday Night game and the entire Redskin thing. Today they did the right thing by announcing that they were going to retire Sean Taylor's number which is well deserved but a decade too late.
The decision to retire it is the right one, the timing makes you scratch your head especially as the Jon Gruden email leak likely will take down a few more meatheads within the organization and if there is a god above, the next one who falls is the guy who looks like a fat kid dressed like a stock broker for Halloween

Take on the toothless January 6th commission

The January 6th committee is supposedly unified in making sure those who are subpoenaed must appear. This sounds great in theory but I won't believe it till I actually see them throwing Bannon and Ali Alexander in prison if they defy them. The two impeachments were marred by non compliance as they either had no teeth to enforce people to testify or they chickened out. Let's hope these guys don't follow suit.

Take on Kyrie

Nonprofessional athlete is a bigger douchebag than Kyrie Irving. I'm not a Nets fan but i was already so sick and tired of his antics and his mental health days but this latest moment makes you want to poke your eyeballs out.
He's obviously out of this world talented, so it's never been about what he can or cannot do but this latest episode just shows what he won't be allowed to do with his idiotic anti vac stance.

I'm so tired of this guy, please just retire

Take on the ethically challenge

Ethics be damned, Trump spent the entire presidency enriching himself and his family directly and indirectly which is the least surprising thing that has come out of his post presidency.
The best thing is that the gifts he got from Saudi were a bunch of knockoffs. These guys are worth billions and they decided to give Trump fake furs because they knew he wasn't sophisticated enough to realize it.

This is what we have devolved into as a country, one where a president can receive gifts from foreign governments meant to curry favors and we do absolutely nothing about it because he's got the entire GOP's nutsack in the palm of his undersized hand

Take on Allen West

Allen West who is running for governor of Texas had a lengthy Twitter post where he kid out his fight against Covid and where he said he was more dedicated than ever for fighting against vaccines because he was able to recover from a hospital visit after receiving monoclonal antibodies.

I'm so sick and tired to this argument that the right makes about not wanting the vaccine because it wasn't fully approved -although it is now- yet they would be happy to take horse dewormer as or inject bleach. But the monoclonal antibodies is an even more ridiculous take because it is also experimental and hasn't been used by nearly the amount of people worldwide who have had the vaccine..oh and it's $1200 to administer AND it's only given if you are really sick


Good argument to depend on this instead of taking the fully FDA approved backing which has proven to keep you out of the hospital in the first place.

Take on mask

Wow..big news came out today
This is life changing
This is life altering
This is life

The CDC announced that masks are effective at preventing the spread of COVID. We can't finally go out of the house to return to school and work and maybe go buy a bad or Doritos at Target because we finally have something to stop this terrible virus

I can't believe it took this long but glad we got here

Take on executive privilege

Trump was hoping he's be able to smooth talk Biden into some kind of non existent executive privilege for former presidents but sadly for Trump -and luckily for democracy- Biden didn't bite.
What was more shocking was that Steve Bannon tried to use the same thing which was odd being that he was neither the president or actually a formal advisor to one on January 6th. The two seem to have convoluted executive privilege with a pardon and the two really have nothing to do with one another

Take on the debt ceiling

As expected, the Senate figured out how to extend the debt limit so we can all go back to this dance again in December. Nothing to me is dumber than the debt limit discussion as it's money that has already been spent and defaulting in it is just not an option. If you want to shrink the debt, stop spending money. The analyzer is clear but It's not spend money and just don't pay the bill. Although that was kind of Trump's business motto .

Take on the Yang Gang

I've never been a big Andrew Yang guy but him leaving the Democratic Party because every time he runs for office, he gets like six votes, seems a bit much. I don't know what his goal is but for a guy whose entire mantra is about a basic income guarantee to go onto Tucker to appeal to his crowd does seem a just a bit ironic

Anyway, he's now only goi by to play the role of spoiler because there can't be a single Republican who's going to vote for him but he might syphon off a number of Democratic ones

Take on the Forbes 400

Trump fell off the Forbes 400 which was enjoyable mostly because you knew it made him completely miserable. Of course most people don't believe he was ever all that rich as his assets all seem to be inflated for Forbes purposes and deflated for tax ones.

Although the first time I read this I thought they said Trump finally got below 400lbs which even I thought was sort of uncalled for since he's likely only about 285

What I do know is that if there is any justice in this world we will know in the next few years he will be serving time and all his minions will have to crawl back into their holes.

Take on Biden’s plot to bring down Facebook

The internet broke today and I for one rejoiced. I can't stand Mark Zuckerberg and have been off of Facebook for a decade already as it's a complete drain of anything positive. Instagram probably started off cute but is likely just infiltrated with anti Vaxers and pro Trump nonsense and WhatsApp is just plain annoying

I bet that if productivity could be measured, it shot though the roof today. So maybe this was all a Biden plot to make up for the labor shortage.

Take on the Pandora Papers.

The least surprising thing that has come out of the last decade are what was revealed in the Pandora Papers. We all knew the rich and powerful were hiding casts amounts of money and avoiding taxes. There is nothing surprising about any of this, the extent of the corruption, the depth they went to or the amount they hid. The only thing that surprises you is that they got caught. The entire system is so rotten to the core and there is no way to unravel the mess from itself

Take on Krysten Sinema

I honestly can't say I know a single thing about Krysten Sinema other than she's the female version of Joe Manchin. I have no idea what her positions are because it sees a she is only interested in using her position as the 49th or 50th Senator to gain notoriety for herself. What's the most telling is that at the end of the day, when there was a chance for a vote she escaped back to Arizona to attend a wine and cheese fundraiser.

Of course if it wasn't for Manchin, West Virginia would go red in a heartbeat. So for all the bitching and moaning, Manchin is better on this side than the other side of the aisle. Sinema's seat has to be less secure and Arizona could turn more blue but she's just turning into the female Rand Paul in sense that she's become obsessed with more and more press

Take on Ozy

We found out that Ozy was done for and I was concerned it meant that the Prince of Darkness had died.     I can't say I've ever hear of Ozy before this week and I'm still not quite sure what it is..or I guess what it was.    What I did know is that they used one of their employees to pretend he was a YouTube executive during a fall with Goldman Sachs which is about as amateurish as you get and explains again how easily these really smart guys get duped.  

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