Take on the heel

Trump was the white knight to many, sadly most of them belong to groups who probably have white knights in their name but still there must have been some (extremely gullible) good people who thought his message of swamp draining was powerful enough to pull the lever for somebody as unqualified and unprofessional as him. Anybody who consistently tells you how smart he is, is the level of self importance that you should fear if the guy was running for dog catcher.

But then when he does something like today when he meant to heal the world but instead told the world to heel, you wonder if it was a bit Freudian. We know what he thinks of the people in this country, he thinks they are all below him yet somehow they constantly come back to pray at the golden plated altar of Trump.

This is not your drunken uncle, this is the president of the United States. A guy who doesn't know the difference between heal and heel is he leader of the free world.


Thanks 'Merica

take on Trump's team of Rivals

Ding Dong the Fat Man is  dead.

As predicted in this exact newspaper, the end of Steve Bannon happened and it was as glorious as any of them.     The issue though is that he might actually do more for Trump as an unofficial surrogate from the outside than he was able to do on the inside but we'll take it..

 

Six months ago when all was well and good in TrumpLand, a great photo was taken of the major power players in the Trump White House.    From that photo we have lost Priebus, Bannon, Flynn and the Easter Bunny.    Only Pence and Trump remain and you know that isn't a happy marriage. 

But those aren't the only ones, we can add to that The Mooch, Mike "the anti-Mooch" Dubke,  Katie Walsh and some dude named Walter Shaub, too.  

Add to that Obama holdouts, Comey, Yates and Preet and you have a softball team.

So how would that softball team lineup look

Flynn  LCF

Mooch SS

Comey 1B

Spicer  RF

Walsh  3^rd

Yates  RCF

Priebus 2^nd

Bannon  DH

Dubke   C

Shaub  LF

 

Preet  the book

Take on the last days of Bannon

Today might very well mark the last day for Stephen Bannon, the divisive presidential advisor who seems to feed Trump's obsession with conspiracy and lunacy

Here is what is good about Bannon leaving
- he's a vile human,
- his level of vileness is not just his character but his physical appearance. He looks like a homeless guy slouched over on the platform at Union Square screaming 9-11 was an inside job
- his complexion looks the same as the complexion of a dude my aunt dated had, he was a fall down drunk.


Here is what is bad about Bannon leaving
-
-
-

Take on Ivanka's out

Sorry Ivanka, it doesn't work that way. When you are a senior advisor to a president, you don't pick and choose which issues you will be held accountable for and when you have been a campaign surrogate that accountability actually runs deeper. Ivanka has to realize her father is a repulsive human and a horrid human being with no moral compass but still she hitches her wagon to the family crest and enjoys all that comes with it, if you do that and you defend his actions and his words then own all of it.
The idea of "except for him being a hateful, bigoted small minded man-child, he's actually a really good person at heart" doesn't play well with me

So sorry Ivanka, you use the name you take the game, or in your case the infamy

Take on unscripted Trump

Glad we got rid of the Mooch with a guy who could reign in Trump

As somebody just observed, our president takes one step forward on Monday to only step back 167 years on Tuesday. We really live in strange times, times when something as politically simple as denouncing a bunch of new-nazis and KKK members becomes a chore that our president cannot possibly undertake.

Trump said today that the Alt-Left was in part to blame for Charlottesville, which is exactly how he played the FakeNews thing. He takes something that he and his followers are accused of and turns in 180 degrees and tries to get it to stick to you. But I'm guessing it won't work because, well, those guys are literally Nazis.

But the best line of the Q&A was the following

Trump: "I looked the night before, if you look, there were people protesting very quietly the taking down of the statue of Robert E. Lee."

He was right with this, those guys carrying the torches were just trying to illuminate the statue for for one more night. Nothing sinister in their behavior at all.


I was happy to hear that Trump owns a winery right in Charlottesville, seems like he attracts a certain kind of harvest pest.

Take on Opiates

There is not much that Chris Christie and I have in common, he likes the Cowboys and I'm a Jets fan, he likes the Mets and I hate baseball, he is a loudmouth obese blowhard and, well I guess we do have a few things in common.
One thing Big Chris is dead right on is in addition to his love of Bruce is the opiate epidemic which he rightfully convinced Trump to call a national crisis. Big Chris knows a thing or two about addiction and he has been on this for some time, I always assumed it was more a rural America thing but lately it's right in my face. I've worked in New York City for 20 years and lived there for 14 and not until this summer have I seen such blatant depravity on the streets.
It started with the loosening of the marijuana laws, there isn't a day that goes by when I walk by and don't smell some fresh herb mixed with the aroma of the peanut vendor and the dirty dog guy.

But weed is basically harmless, what I'm seeing now is much worse. I have literally seen people camped out on old mattresses by my office shooting up in broad daylight. I had never in my 41 years of life seen heroin but two weeks ago at 8:45 in the morning I saw one guy inject another with a needle which looked like it came out of the Trainspotting bathroom. We're not talking about a dark alley or an abandoned park, this is 6th avenue in midtown Manhattan.
Today I saw a guy laid out on 36th street in the middle of sidewalk. Last week I saw a woman in her late twenties propped up and past out right by Port Authority.
This isn't some rural problem anymore and it's getting worse by the day.

Take on the Mooch's mother

You have to love The Mooch, the guy just keeps bringing it. He laid low for a week after getting axed by TeflonDon but now is coming back to cash in on 15 more minutes. But today he retweeted some guy who told him that he's the kind of guy any mother would be proud of and the only mother I could think of was the mother of the kid he just had. This sick bastard sent a 'congrats' text message when she cam out of labor which isn't even something you'd do for a coworker. The only mother that would love The Mooch is the type with the F epithet after the mother part.

Take on Trump's non statement statement

Our president has been called a brilliant politician by some but when he is given meatball to hit out of the park, he can't even give it a real effort. This is Donald Trump, a guy who was never afraid to speak his mind, cowering to the alt-right neon nazi faction of his party. You can't understand how he doesn't just knock the movement, it's the most benign political move you can make and still he can't.
But what was most troubling was the countless GOP members who I saw post today about there being no place for white supremacy in our country but hardly anybody actually took the president on. They all beat around the bush but nobody called him out for stroking the white supremacist fire and you know that none of them will actually do anything other than wait to see if the tides turn on Trump nationally to a point he is a sinking ship and that point they will all come out to feed off the carcass

Take on the Oval Office redo

Trump's three week Bedminster vacation is so long in part so the Oval Office could go through a long overdue facelift. This is probably true and it is likely something that has been in the planning stages for a long time but the question now will be, is he going to replace the carpets and drapes again to go Trump Tacky which you just know he is dying to do. We know he thinks the place is a dump, mostly because it doesn't look like it's just missing a stripper pole. But what I'm really interested in is how many listening devices did they sweep up when they pulled up that carpet and what are they doing with the little piece of carpet right behind the Oval Office, that thing has to be as hard as a rock.

Take on Trump's thank you

I'm not sure Trump realizes that Putin expelling those 755 diplomats <> firing 755 diplomats, so he didn't actually cut payroll since those diplomats are still employed by the State Department. But this is the bizarro world we live in, where our own president plays footies with the head of Russia under a table without a tablecloth. These diplomats will get reassigned to either cover Russian maters outside of Russia or will move on to another diplomatic mission somewhere else. It can't be that bad for them, maybe they'll move to Croatia or St Thomas or something because sitting in St Petersburg sounds about as much fun as getting your stinking hour winkie in a bottle of vodka.

Take on Fire and Fury (and how it all comes down to Jeb!)

I've been trying to picture what fire and fury means in TrumpTalk.  We know he's moatly bluster and punchless threats but does he ever follow through?

I tend to think, no   It's always just a Twitter barrage but that's it   

 Then I thought of Jeb!   You remember Jeb! he was the presumptive GOP nominee and we were going to have an adult discussion and normal discourse about the future of our country.  It would be the fifth set in an epic Bush-Clinton/Obama Wimbledon match with the country deciding once and for all which direction put us on a better path forward.   

Jeb! had the pedigree to appeal to the base and just enough compassion to pull the skittish Hillary supporters   He carried the power -and the burden- of the Bush name but tried to differentiate himself with the Hispanic wife, those funny glasses which made him look a bit smarter than his older brother and he could hang his hat on the fact he never did anything as silly as trading Sammy Sosa  

Then Trump showed up, it was all a big publicity stunt until he decided to unleash fire and fury at poor Jeb! a guy who just wanted you to clap.   And the Fire was bigger than any we had seen before, the old guard couldn't put it out, it burned for months.  The Fury was worse as poor Jeb! got atomic wedgie after atomic wedgie and then shoved into his locker until he just couldn't take it anymore.  He tapped out thinking that the sharp elbows of Ted Cruz could slow him down enough to give Marco a shot at the crown but they too got Trumped.   

Marco's manhood was questioned, Ted's wife and dad were not off limits and both went silently into the night.  The only one who never caved was Kasich but he also looks like he just walked out of a mental asylum with the charisma of a iceberg salad  

So Fire and Fury probably means nothing really, like most thing Trumo says there really hasn't been much thought put to it.  

The way I sleep at night is that he's a poker player who can easily take the money of the guys in his dorm room but when he gets on a world stage, busts on the river trying for an inside straight   It just so happens we have 63 million people who got taken in their dorm room  

But Angela and Vlad and Justin and Xi and the rest of the professionals are not your average American voter living in Dayton   They aren't going to be suckered in my a two bit poker player 

But on the other side of the table this time is a guy every part his equal.  Obese, self obsessed, maniacle, badly dressed with seemingly poor hygiene and with a disregard for honest media.   

So when Big Kim says that they can hit Guam and Big Don says "no thank you, I don't like fruit" you aren't sure if these two are playing chicken or if they are both hoping somebody comes over and delivers fried chicken.

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Take on Steven Miller

The search to replace the Mooch has gone in a few directions but none more odd than the choice being floated recently of Steven Miller. It's not that he isn't competent (he certainly is that), it's not that he isn't manically evil enough (we know he is that), it's not even that he isn't reviled enough (he's hated by just about everybody).
It's that this guy has no charisma, watching him describe he new immigration ban with his Jared Fogle like sleepy eyes, is like watching hairspray dry. The guy has the personality of a wet cat and the body type of a prepubescent boy. And his voice sounds like that prepubescent boy choking that wet cat.

But it's probably a good opportunity for him, he should take the money and run.

We'd likely find him in 20 years tied up in Steve Brannon's basement.

Take on the working vacation

Our president is such an insecure boob, you'd think he wouldn't be able to get himself dressed in the morning. This guy has spent the last few days constantly tweeting about his un-vacation and trying to make everybody feel better that he's having meeting and making calls!!! I'd honestly prefer him to lay low for a few weeks and let the government run without his "leadership".
I've ben working for 20+ years and have always "worked" through my vacations. This isn't novel or special or anything, it's called being an adult professional.

But still our president feels the need to remind us all of how hard he works.
Is there any doubt this is the same dickhead who yells out "half day today" when somebody leaves the office at 4:45 on a Friday?
.

Take on dueling vacations

Vlad trolled Trump and he trolled him hard. This weekend both leaders went on vacation and while Trump was dunking on donuts in between rounds of golf cart racing looking like a completely grotesque beached whale. Meanwhile Vlad was sunbathing topless on a lake in Siberia in between killing bob casts with his bare hands, and bare chest presumably. This is where we are, Putin is not only in Trump's head, his physique next to Trump is burned into my retinas. It will be all anybody will think about when our two countries meet on the battle ground, one commander in chief who looks like Adonis, the other who looks like grimace.

Thanks America, we elected a complete slob

Take on another round

At 6:36 today, Trump tweeted that his three weeks at his golf club in the swamp that is New Jersey wasn't a vacation, it was just to allow some much needed construction in the White House. His is entirely possible but what was off was that within minutes of his tweet, cameras caught him playing golf. Now we have said hundreds of times that he should play all the golf he wants, truthfully we'd like him to play more golf and do less talking, tweeting, sucking, colluding and everything else under the sun.

But of course we all remember how he trolled Obama for years about his golf habits, so whenever he squeezes into that one pair of Walmart dockers, that nasty white polo and the stupid red hat, I just laugh.

I hope we are checking to make sure none of the guys doing the redo in the Oval Office aren't a. Inch of Russian laborers. Although with this administration, the Russian bugs probably come from inside

Take on the last of the Mooch

The Mooch is really the gift that keeps on giving. He promised a news conference earlier this week which he later cancelled as he said he wanted to concentrate on his personal life and family. We took this to mean that he was standing outside of his wife's house with a boombox over his head playing Right Said Fred.
Then today, out of nowhere, the Mooch tweeted. At 4:38 on a summer Friday, the Mooch gave us a gift with a political cartoon that describes all of our feelings. The Mooch left us too quickly, he had so much more to give, so much more to say, so many people to kick in the dick.

The best thing was that the Mooch hasn't lost his sense of humor and it sounds like his confidence is back. So if you are a twenty something and planning on being out in The Hamptons, your future husband is likely going to be doing shots of tequila off of some coed asses, so you might just have a shot

Take on our all time low Russian relationship

I've never had a relationship with a Russian, so wouldn't have any idea how low it can get, but apparently whatever that low point can be, we're there.  Little Fingers got in a huffy this morning and tweeted out how our congress has ruined this great friendship we supposedly had with Mother Russia which only reinforces the friendship he has with them.  As you can see in the transcripts from his conversations with allies like Mexico and Australia, Trump doesn't quite know which side his bread is buttered, or maybe he does.   Or maybe he is just a subscriber to the old adage of keeping your enemies closer than your friends, although he seems to keep his friends like they are his enemies. 

Anyway, Mueller has a grand jury, the AG in New York is building a case and there was a huge double rainbow over the White House today.  What a glorious day. 

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Take on the terrible SHS look

When Sarah Huckabee Sanders was pressed on Little Finger Don's role in the misleading Little Don letter about his Russian meeting she became more and more frustrated. I can't blame her, she has to be in the most unenviable positions in the country, a position she gladly accepted mind you. She's willfully misleading the narrative knowing full well that another story will break shortly that will completely contradict her first statement and discredit her even further.

But really that wasn't the worst thing she did yesterday, which in her world can just be described as "Tuesday", the worst thing was that pirate shirt top she chose. It's as if instead of looking in a mirror, she decided to stare at her grotesque looking old man who himself often looks like he's wearing his lap-belt as an actual belt

And really if we're holding her to standards similar to her Spicy predecessor, the fact that she looked like a peacock with a gamer stuck in her shirt, is fair game.

Take on the Daily News Mooch troll.

You just have to love the trolling the NY Daily News has been doing on the Mooch throughout his 11 days of infamy.   I think that every article posted about him has the same photo of him sniffing his two fingers as if he just had two in the Huckabee Sanders honeypot.  Today's cover (https://twitter.com/yashar/status/892337623796252672) even took it a step further with the Mooch appearing to sniff Trump's Huckabee covered midget fingers.   Literally every... single.. article.. had the same photo.   I'm not sure if it's from a single shot or if the guy just likes smelling the underside of his own sack.  

But this is where we are, this WhiteHouse is so dysfunctional that they can't even keep their best guest character on for more than one episode.  We needed more Mooch not less and John Kelly is going to so booooring it will almost make the White House look competent 

My working theory now is that The Mooch was ousted mainly by a Trump family member, and I'm not going with the Melanie and Ivanka were disturbed by the crude language thing.  

He was ousted by Little Don who didn't like the idea of being the second biggest jersey shore meathead in the orbit of his daddy.   

Kenny from MadMen better watch out if he hopes to get a gig next, those Trump boys don't like imposters

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Take on Shelley Levene Trump

Read the NationalReview article (http://www.nationalreview.com/article/449988/donald-trump-cant-close-deal-failing-salesman) comparing Trump to the Shelley Levene -and not Alex Baldwin- character which is a beautiful tableau but it misses one important fact. 

It fails to see that Trump actually is a great salesman. 

He somehow convinced (conned) 63 million people, most of whom are Christians, to believe that he is one of them   This is a man who uses vulgarity and has made his money in casinos and beauty pageants.  He tramples on the poor, he's had three marriages coming out of very public affairs, he despises the weak.    He has proudly lied, stolen and cheated his way to the top and yet the evangelicals believe that he stands for them    Maybe I'm naive but isn't there a greater challenge out there for you?   Aren't you suppose to choose righteous over greed?   Why part of Trump screams Do Onto Others?  What part speaks about helping the tired and the weak?   

Trump isn't the Christian they hope to be...he's just the man they wish they could be.  If they won the lottery they'd immediately buy the biggest gaudiest house they could, they'd wear ugly golf pants, lounge at their big ugly pool and get their family name emblazed in gold letters on the mailbox   Because as much as the heartland loves Jesus, they love Kim Kardashian more 

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Take on Big Chris and his Big Basket of nachos

Big Chris can't seem to get out of his own way, coming a few weeks after being outed sitting on a beach while the state beaches were closed, he was caught today arguing with a fan at a Cubs-Brewers game. It's not surprising that Christie would get into a heated discussion, he's never been one afraid of confrontation, it's that all of this just feels so scripted. At this point, we know Big Chris is hoping to take over for Big Mike on WFAN's Big afternoon drive show, and as Howard Stern and Rush Limbaugh will tell you, any publicity is good publicity. This is why it's obvious to us at TOR that the fly-by helicopter thing was a setup, this was Big Chris flipping the bird to New Jersey the same way everybody does when they are on their way out of this state. The issue is that Christie is hoping to stay in the spotlight by doing the one thing he has always been good at, being a loudmouth bully.

But the best part of the AP tweet was that in the 140 characters they were allowed, they found a way to squeeze in the fact that he was carrying a basket of nachos.

Take on the Mooch divorce

The Mooch has had a heck of a week, to call it an emotional roller coaster would be an understatement. First he gets his dream job -and gets a huge tax break in the process through this law that allows people coming from private business who go to public work to allow them to get out without paying a bunch of taxes. Then he gets caught up in a bunch of controversial comments about Bannon self felating which is a visual none of us needed. Then he forces out Priebus after having already booted Spicer, then he gets divorced from his second wife who, it turns out, is 9 months pregnant who gives birth right in the middle of the other shit storm.
Remember NoDrama Obama? Trump is the polar opposite as he brings more drama than CBS does on a Wednesday night.

Take on the showdown

In this corner, wearing mom jeans, with his cell phone holder and his bald spot Reince Priebus, in the other 20 pounds of grease, sleaze and bad hair gel is Anthony "The Mooch" Scaramucci. This was a battle which didn't take long, sort of like the Tyson Spinks fight. The Mooch took his bosses playbook and played it perfectly, first giving his rival a private childlike nickname "Reince Penis", then blasting him in the media, then ousting his tag team partner and finally forcing him out yesterday afternoon. Priebus didn't stand a chance, he never did. A guy that nerdy just can't compete with all that testosterone and we'd all be better off not having the visual of The Mooch giving Reince a big atomic wedge and then shoving him into a locker like Trump did to Jeb!

But Priebus never had a shot, here is no way that Trump liked his guy, he's way too weak. Trump only respects true alpha and Priebus looks like he was in Lambda Lambda Lambda

But anyway, it's over and Mooch won. I mentioned to some friends that I couldn't wait for the tell-all books to come out, to which they commented. It's already all out there, it can't be much worse than this. Wait and see

Take on White House Propaganda

The White House transcript from the Mooch press briefing seems to differ from what he actually said. Somehow he went from sinking 3 foot to 30 foot puts basically overnight.

We're literally turning into North Korea with all official news now pure propaganda. The next thing you will hear is that Trump consistently has 5 hole in ones per round, can throw a 100mph fastball and doesn't have childlike small hands.

But here we are, our government is in a mode where all they seem to want to do is please the dear leader

Take on the transgender

There really aren't any more 'unpresidential' decisions than the one Donald J. Duck made today.  

He decided, upon the advice of his generals, that transgender people shouldn't be allowed to serve our country in uniform.

There really isn't a good military reason for this so the only explanation is that it's deflection for something else..  and that is the fact that Donald isn't ingratiating himself with his base with his attacks on Jeff Sessions.

I don't have any love loss for Sessions and the thought of rooting for him seemed as unlikely as me liking Brussels Sprouts when I was 12..  Jeff Sessions is loved by a certain level of crazy and if Donald is going to piss off those nutcases, his approval rating might reach the low 30s.. so he made a stand and decided to discriminate against a group of people he said he was going to defend.   Maybe he forgot that there was a T in LGTB, or maybe he just assumed the T stood for Trump

idiot.

take on arming the taliban

Today CNN reporting that the Russians are arming the Taliban against us in Afghanistan.

 

I kept thinking of the parallels (world power getting dragged into a war in there only to have another arm the opposition in some covert operation) and thought to myself  "YOU KNOW HOW THIS MOVIE ENDS"

but then it occurred to me that at that time we were in a cold-war with Russia, the difference today is that we are in a hot-tub with them and our president just ordered another bottle of bubbly.

 

Take on Kushner's voice

Thank God that Kushner will be testifying in private, it would have been very distracting to actually hear this guy speak. I am almost 100% sure that I've never actually heard his voice, it honestly could sound like Kermit the Frog and I wouldn't know it. What I do know is that the opening statement will get this guy hung by his sack at some point with all the push back on any accountability and denials of any knowledge.
I do give them credit for drafting it the way they did, it certainly sounds reasonable that Kush didn't read the string of emails or that he had hundreds of different people reach out to him. It also seems legit that he asked for help with his security forms as he was trying to wind down his business ties etc. This is where it irks me though, the guy wasn't applying for a job at Blockbuster, this was a little more important and farming it out to your secretary seems like a slight mistake.
If we are to accept him as boy wonder, he has to be better. This guy is going to solve every issue in our world before lunch, he's got more responsibility than any advisor ever but before he took that role, he didn't have a chance to read an email or check to make sure his T's were crossed and I's were dotted.

How is this guy going to solve the crisis in the Middle East if he can't do the little things right. How will we ever be able to solve the great ills of our time when he can't remember the name of the Russian ambassador he met

Sorry Kush, I think this is just the beginning of the end.

Take on the Amazon Washington Post

Some of Trump's bully nicknames really damaged his opponents as they were perfect hits to their fragile egos. Low Energy Jeb! was devastating, Little Marco was just mean, Crooked Hillary gave people the meme they needed to convince themselves to vote for Trump. As for news organizations, The Clinton News Network is sort of clever, I sort of get the Failing New York Times dig, it's not clever but it does have something to it that stings even if, since your presidency, subscriptions are soaring.

What I don't get is the Amazon Washington Post -I know where it comes from- but it isn't clever or interesting or stinging or anything. It's just kind of...weird. Like trying to diss somebody's intelligence but by school has really nice trees. Amazon is a legitimate beast in the business world, something Trump should appreciate, so constantly tying it to the Post doesn't drag it down. Maybe try the Unfair Washington Post or the Dysfunctional Washington Post or something. Because this dig kind of sucks

Take on Full Transparency

The Mooch is a mush.
Not only does he look like a cross between Andrew Cuomo and a horny hyena, he's about as tone deaf as it comes. But when you talk about people in this administration, that's just par for the course.
Full transparency when you delete all your tweets is like saying full exposure while wearing a turtle neck.

But this is what Trump wants, a rough around the edges, NY wiseguy who looks like he has more than a few bodies buried in his backyard. So full disclosure, I wouldn't trust the mooch anywhere near any female member of my family. Something tells me this guy has had a few times in his left when he has had to change his poor recollection on things and events.

Take on Melissa McCarthy's new role

Poor Mellisa McCarthy, she was just about to sign a long term deal but found the doors to the elevator locked over at 40 Rock. This is the way it goes I guess when you make your living as somebody who our president doesn't quite like. I guess the bright side is that it does open up a spot for somebody to play Anthony Scaramucci who looks like a cross between a horny hyena and one of the guys from Jersey Shore.

But, maybe Lorne Michael should open that elevator because we'll get another Melissa McCarthy lookalike up as new press secretary with Sarah Huckabee Sanders taking over

But in all seriousness, I'd like to thank Spicey for the tireless work, the hours of laughs and the bold faced lies, it's a service to our country sort of like defending the bombing a small Vietnamese village would be but I guess somebody had to do it. It can't be easy to defend the indefensible.

take on the history teacher in chief

Our president goes on these rambling diatribes where he tries to explain to his audience basic facts about history that most everybody already knows.    He always starts those statements with something like 'most people don't know this but..' 

The translation to this is "I didn't know this but"

But like anybody who crams for something, most of what he absorbs is virtually nothing and unlike the guy who crams, he can't even regurgitate the information.

One day he is telling you that 'most people don't realize that Lincoln was a Republican' which is just a basic fact and I guess we should give him credit for repeating it correctly.   Other times he talks right out of his ass like when he spoke about Fredrick Douglas as if he's about to pop out of a cake at the NAACP bash or talks about Napoleon and Hitler's campaigns into Russia and boils the entire thing down a 10 second clip of not having brought warm enough gloves.    But nothing tops his version of the Civil War which he claims could have been worked out if they only had the right deal-maker running the show at that point implying that Andrew Jackson was the deal-maker extraordinaire

 

There could easily be a podcast set up with clips of Trump telling you his version of history.. 

Take on the Jeff Sessions regret

As Trump expressed regret for hiring Jeff Sessions, we wonder how many Americans have similar regret in hiring Donald Trump. I certainly have to think that by now, anybody with half a brain or have a conscious realizes that they signed us up for a horrible roller coated ride seated next to a fat man who just chowed down on a burrito grande.
This is the country we have chosen, one where news is dubbed as fake, anonymous sources are called inadequate and a cabinet member's loyalty is questioned if he doesn't abuse his power.
But the article by Maggie Haberman in today's Times really does show how much this Russian investigation is wearing on Don because he can't seem to find the oxygen in the room to breath anymore. Next week with Little Don, Paulie Walnuts and J-Kush testifying before congress might be the most can't miss TV in a decade (or at least as long as it's been since Comey did)
Get your popcorn ready

take on the secret G20 meeting

when your average G20 head of state has an impromptu meeting with another nobody takes notice but truthfully, it's kind of expected at those things.   The issue is when Donald J. Trump meets with Putin, our ears go up.  it's not that something nefarious happened it's that it might have and nobody would be surprised if it did..  The thing is that everytime there is a Trump at a meeting with a Russian, something gets left out of the official version.  Either they forget to mention who was there, when it was or most of the time, that there was a meeting at all.    But this is the world we live in, where our president is selling our country down the river to a guy who likes to prance around topless.

thanks 63M

Take on the Made in America brand.

How dumb is the average American?? I'm not sure but when you see that there are still 36% of us who support President Trump despite the ass banging he's given the office, you wonder just how dumb we are. This is a president who talks about making America great while he gives a handy to his buddy Vlad under the table, this is a guy who can't even stick to his own "made in America" creed with his crappy ties and his daughters tacky shirts. This guy hates American made so much that he traded in his last words for an East European version. He hates his own kids, he's a walking hypocrisy and he looks like a bloated pumpkin yet he can't get lower. Honestly, at this point he really could shoot somebody on 5th avenue and may actually pick up a few votes (other than the dead guy of course). This is a guy who proudly talks about not being presidential but modern presidential, which apparently means appealing to the lowest common denominator always.

But this is Trump and this is us. We're all so screwed.

Take on the worst president of all time

Hey Donald, hate to mention this but 36% <> almost 40%. We're six months into your disastrous presidency and every poll shows you dropping further and further down. You haven't accomplished anything for our country yet, although your golf courses have probably have done really well. Do you realize that your tweet a half a dozen times about attending the Women's USOpen and not once about the nuance of your healthcare bill. Then again, you are a small handed and small minded man who is not in this to make anything better or greater or even slightly improved. The only thing you want to make anything is yourself a lot of money. I'm wondering now what is a bigger turnoff of a human

- somebody smoking outside of a town pool
- somebody with a bunch of ugly tattoos at said down pool
- somebody wearing a red hat at the same town pool

There seems to be a certain while trashy overlap for all of them.

Take on Ty Cobb

I guess Shoeless Joe Jackson was busy this week. 

Today the White House named Ty Cobb as a special council which I can only imagine means he'll come with spikes up while hating on black people.  I'm. It sure it's ever a good sign for presidents to have special council who you know by name, I certainly don't remember many other ones 

But what was the most interesting part of this Ty Cobb story was that CNN embedded that information into a tweet (https://twitter.com/cnni/status/886302163676401664) about Somali women getting attacked by sexual predators.  This tweet was tagged with a huge photo of Ty Cobb who does sort of look unscrupulous and unkempt although I'm not 100% sure that he is a sexual predator.  

So CNN might be better off tweeting that Somali story out with a photo of the original Ty Cobb 

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Take on the biggest meeting ever

The Trump jr. Meeting keeps getting bigger and bigger, every time I turn around there is another person there.  Originally it was Little Don, Jarred and Manafort with the Russian attorney lady, then we found out Bobby Baccala was there, too.  Then a Russian lobbyist who was ex-KGB (by the way ex-KGB just mean Extra KGB) and a translator and now there is another.  So there were at least 8 people at they meeting 

Read on the inter web that 

This 15 minute nothingburger of a meeting just keeps getting bigger and bigger! 

With that many people it would take 15 minutes just for the introductions and pleasantries.  You need name tags at this point to keep everybody straight 

An for a big nothingburger you are asking a lot of people to fly really far distances and take political risks, chances of this being a big waste of time is likely 0%

Chances of #8 being LittleFinger Don???  I'd say those are pretty pretty pretty good 

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Take on the Trump Macron weird handshake

When Trump went to shake hands with Emmanuel Marion and his wife, we all expected something awkward because, well, he's Donald Trump and he always acres these things up. Well Donald didn't disappoint when he first gave her an weird handshake and then told her she looked like she works out. I guess he was trying be charming but when a 71 year old man leers at you, it's about as charming as a guy kissing on you on the F train

But the thing that bothered me most was how skinny Brigitte Macron's arms are, have some escargot or foie gras or something.

Take on the Putin meeting

Trump's meeting with Putin lasted a lot longer than originally scheduled which everybody assumed was because Trump was buys cleaning up his chin but in hindsight it was something all together different. We'll sort of.
Trump said he asked Putin if he was Ali bomber in hacking he election which Putin answered with an unequivocal 'no'. Trump claimed he asked him about this for 20-30 minutes which seems odd being that Trump can't ever keep himself on message for 20 to 30 seconds before going off on a rambling tangent. But the best part of Trump's recollection was that he then said that he asked Putin again "in a totally different way". I can't imagine what that was other than trying the old "when did you stop beating your wife" thing.
Strangely enough hr old KGB guy didn't fall for that one either, Vlad trumped Donald again

Take on Rob Goldstone

If this administration sinks under his own weight, let's hope Rob Goldstone is the last 320 pounds needed to do it. Goldstone has become the new Roger Stone or Page Carter as the liaison between Team Trump and Team Vlad and who better than this slob who looks like he ate Don Jr. I've no idea who this guy is but one thing is for sure, nobody expected the White House to go down because of a guy who looks like Bobby Baccala.
Like most things, this will slide off of Trump's back like water off the back of a duck, mostly because we'll have another controversy to get or panties in a bunch about in a day.

Only 3 1/2 years to go

Take on Little Donnie Trump

Two days ago Little Donnie had a meeting about adoption, the next day the meeting also included some random dirt on Hillary and today it turns out Little Donnie knew the dirt was coming and that it came from MotherRussia itself.   Maybe this isn't illegal and I've heard a few people discuss collusion today and it actually doesn't seem like it has a place in politics (or fantasy football) by its strict definition.   What it does show is that Little Donnie was more than happy to play dirty, but even that isn't that different than normal politicians.  What is different is that Little Donnie was talking right to Vlad, a guy who everybody in the world except for Big Don, Vlad himself and Sean Hannity admit tried to hack the election. 

I expect Lindsay Graham and John McCain to come out and condemn this and then do absolutely nothing about it 

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Take on the adoption

Little Don may have just shoved his foot way into the mouth of his father. After yesterday's previously undisclosed reports of meetings with a prominent kremlin lawyer was explained as being about adoption, the oldest Trump son had to backtrack and admit that the meeting was initially set up to get dirt on Hillary. He claims that after the dirt they were hoping to get was a bust, he said the meeting then changed to policy which obviously wasn't something they wanted to waste any time with. This is the craziness of this situation, three of the Trump campaign's highest ranking surrogates are meeting with a Russian with promises of dirt and they then try to convince us that they had nothing to do with Russia
If this week continues this way, Trump may put little Don up for adoption

Take on the Trump kids terrible week

The grown Trump kids are having a heck of a week. First Ivanka got crap for getting to sit in her daddy's seat while he went to take a leak during the G20 meeting, then it was revealed that Don jr. set up a meeting with a prominent Russian attorney with Kremlin ties and finally they found out that Eric finally cheated to get past the last level in Mario Brothers. These Trump kids are really having a hell of a week, the kind that John Henson would have had a field day covering on E!
But this Donnie jr. revelation is exactly the kind that the crazies like Seth Abramson, Claude Taylor and Louise Mensch have been talking about, so maybe those guys are better connected than we thought.

Hopefully Tiffany got into that sorority she's been pledging.

Take on the Purim pow-wow

Trump mocked Obama and Hillary for years for not saying "radical Islamic terrorists" yet he won't say "Russia hacked the election"

Weird how that works

You just know that a guy who has made his fame as a television star should be aware that the look is sometimes more important than the content.  You'd have to think that the state department had every opportunity to fukly choreograph today's Putin pow-wow for the photographers.  There was obviously noting substantive that was going to come out of this, or at least nothing positive and still they manage to screw up the look as regardless of whtbis discussed, the optics looks bad.   This is where this administration shows it's least self awareness, the entire world is accusing you of colluding with Russia and when you leave the meeting you basically say that you looked into Putin's eyes and saw a guy you trust. 

By the way, Putin wasn't some yokel in his past life, something tells me that he's mastered the art of deception.  

 

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Take on Trump's hotel trouble

As a business traveler, I've dealt with flight delays, cancellations, missed connections, overbooked rooms, missing reservations but I've never shown up in a city and forgotten to book a hotel. I can see how this is frustrating but this is a thing in anal about. I make sure that I always have a place to sleep and will double and triple check that my reservation exists. Our president obviously forgot to download TripIt on his Samsung Galaxy because had he done so, he would have gotten a message stating that he's missing accommodations for one of the nights.
You just have to love the thought of this administration who thought sending Jared Kushner to the Middle East would solve a problem that has perplexed the region for a thousand years, yet they cannot do something as simple as book a hotel on Expedia.

These are the morons leading our country.

Take on HanAssholeSolo

There is literally nothing in less interested in than knowing the identity of HanAssholeSolo and I can't understand why anybody does. I didn't ask for, or read, his apology, he is an internet troll who posts a stupid gifs online and giving him any further platform actually perpetuates the problem and gives him the one thing he craves...an open forum

See don't even care that he posted a lame gif and find no reason he should apologize for it. I hate Trump with vengeance of a 1000 horny goats but I could care less about stuff like this. It wasn't presidential by any stretch but really it wasn't insulting to anybody and I really don't see it as inciting violence against the media. This is the epitome of non-violence because it's a WWE clip which literally means it isn't actually violent. The only violence it might incite -and I agree with- is the violence against a loser like HanAssholeSolo for having maybe the dumbest screen-name of any online forum I've ever seen.

Take on Jamie Horowitz

I literally have no opinion of Jamie Horowitz, I read something about her today and haven't thought about her since she was just a random Jewish girl I went to high school with. She has left no impression on me and I'm not even sure she was in my class but I saw that she was fired by FoxSports today which made me sort of sad for her. . They called the firing abrupt which I'm sure is true and there must be a backstory but the most telling one is the fact that Horowitz is one ugly chick (or dude I'm still not sure).

The FoxSports job must be super stressful because after only a few years at the helm, it looks like one of those photos they take of the president at the end of his term when he has gotten gray and old looking. Eight years in office ages these guys like 25 years but it's nothing compared to poor Jamie who looks like she has aged even worse

From the accompanying photo, he/she looks like a radioactive turtle which I can only blame on his/her having been bit by an infected Colin Cowherd. Anyway, here's to many more years of happy trails with whatever you plan to do with your life, Jamie. I hope the rest of your life is easier than the last few years must have been.

Take on Big Chris

Chris Christie is a disgusting human, I'm not talking about his politics but his actual self, he's just a gigantic bucket of lard. With the state beaches closed, this tub of lard laid out with his family which was captured by some National Esquire-esque ultra zoom photography. They got Big Chris sitting in a beach chair which looks like it's about as stable as the Bayonne bridge. This poor thing is bowing and bent like it's been beaten by an elephant, and it sort of has

So for the love of all that is good in this world, get off of the chair and back onto your little motorized scooter and head back to Trenton, you gigantic swamp thing

Take on presidential etiquette

Trump was at it again today tweeting away between the 9th and 10th holes. On the extended holiday weekend honoring our country, he took on Morning Coffee, CNN and the losers who didn't vote for him all while explaining the activity as non presidential. This is where we are now, a president so caught in his own head that he can't even make a half hearted attempt to placate the country with a mundane "happy 4th of July" message. But then again a president whose press team is becoming more reclusive, a president who hasn't had a news conference in months and who tweets out videos of him wrestling with a big CNN symbol is probably not equipped to run the third shift of a Burger King is running our country.
Glad the North Korean threat, peace in the Middle
East and our education systems have all been taken care of so that he can take care of important things like saying Joe Scarborough is a loser

Take on the Trump Election commission

Trump's answer to the Russian election hack is to do nothing. Well nothing officially but probably has been giving Putin a little action under the table for his troubles. Well after a lot of pressure his answer is some election commission where they have asked for the voter rolls of every state, nothing weird about that. I also read that they have asked he states to send them using some unsecured server which considering all the issues we are having seems like a absolutely terrible idea which in TrumpWorld is also know as Tuesday
But this is our president, noting he ever does is done for the good of the American people, he works for the Trump corporation and that is it