Take on the Trump arch

I leave the country for five days and you guys let this psycho build an arch? I know there was talk of this but now it seems the entire thing is starting to move. Maybe it's another Trump lie but I've learned when he wants something built (or more accurately torn down) he gets it done. So I'm expecting to have to stop by and take a leak on it next time I'm going through DC.

Take on the sham scam plan

I distinctly remember being told that when the cost of construction of the George Washington Bridge would've paid off, they would eliminate the toll. That was 40 years and $16/crossing ago. I am sure they sold this idea to the voters back then but just like the $2 toll, it's long history. The idea that any politician would ever willingly take a revenue stream away sounds ludicrous now but somehow we were all duped. The NJ Turnpike apparently had a similar sunset plan but like all good things, that was also just too good to be true.

Take on Bibi

I often think of there is a public figure in my lifetime who I hate as much as Trump. The answer is always the same. Benjamin Netanyahu. I can't explain quite how much I despise that man, he is the personification of evil and he's proves it every day and it's not shock that Trump absolutely adores him.

I'm just sick

Take on brain mush

Trump's hands are both suffering form whatever Michael Jackson had while the children Trump was around 30 years ago are suffering in much the same way the children MJ was around are suffering now. I'm so sick and tired of the entire GOP covering for his filthy pedophile all while pretending he isn't suffering from major dementia.
This guy's brain will be so far gone by the time they write the definitive true story of his life that he'll never have to face the consequences.

Take on the extra small bathroom

I'm still not sure that in a billion dollar airline industry supplies by billion dollar aerospace companies they still can't make a bathroom that doesn't make you feel like you are in a port john 30,000 feet in the air. Nothing prepares you for trying to take a dump hovering over your seat when you hit turbulence and only by a small miracle are you able to avoid having your head flushed down the bowl. Do better.

Take on air travel

Airtravel has really gone to the birds. People dress like slobs, the entire cabin stinks of gas and the passengers are an unruly bunch of animals. The TSA process is awful, taking your shoes off is the biggest time suck around and the fact they still need you to pour out your shampoo bottles is brainless. But what is worse is the fact you can show up to an airport and find the entire board red, with 95% of all flights cancelled. I get if this was a legitimate ground stoppage but a preemptive ground stoppage for a storm that may come is what turns this entire experience into a complete cluster.

We need a secretary of transportation interested in the improvement of our lives, not one who just bows down to Dear Leader.

Take on the indiscriminate bombing

nothing celebrates the birth of Jesus better than bombing the hell out of a sovereign country in africa. We know why Trump does what he does, it's a combination of Christo-fascism with a dash of racism. We aren't sure what the next thing is but we've attacked Venezuela and Nigeria which both happen to have gigantic amounts of oil. But that's probably just a coincidence

Take on another million files

Santa apparently found another million Epstein documents which I'm sure we are going to get fully redacted. I'm not sure where this goes but the fact they released it on Christmas Eve tells you they want it buried. What's more shocking is Trump hasn't just survived it but is thriving in spite of it, tells you that we are living in a m ass backwards country.

Take on college football

nothing about the way college football is being run right now feels right. The entire concept behind the transfer portal is fine but the fact that players are opting out of the college playoffs as they are going on, breaks everything for me. Coaches doing it is awful and players doing it is almost worse. I'm sick and tired of this entire system taking away any sense of athletic integrity.

Take on mourning.


I hope when I drop dead, you all our me like Erika Kirk mourns her husband. I want a sequence dress, pyrogenics, entrance music and a giant cameltoe. I don't have any idea what kind of woman this is but her mourning reminds me a lot of a WWE event.

Take on the the economy, stupid

I don't care which politician tries it and I don't care what they say but the one thing you can't convince the American public is that economy is good when they themselves are suffering. Trump's demise will fall on the back of the economy not because of scandals, indulgences and overreach. He will lose his base when they realize how ripped off they have been by him and they say will be a glorious reckoning

Take on the sycophant army

there isn't a democrat out there who is defending Bubba's friendship with Epstein and nobody is going to war to protect that relationship all the while Trump fans are all busy with their mental gymnastics to justify what he did Everybody knows Trump is all over those retract versions but nobody in his believes any of that.

take on the need for a mansierre

somebody needs to get Don Jr some lifts, some Just for Men and a bro. The dude looks like he's going through gender affirming care as we speak and the side behind him probably smells Jr's old man walking up. He looks like Jennifer Anniston with those things.

Take on Trump Putting His name on the Kennedy Center

everybody is upset that Trump named the Kennedy center after himself, I for one don't care. It's obviously a ludicrous thing but we have bigger things to worry about and in 3 years we can scrub his stain off of it. I do think he deserves an honor and i suggest changing JFK airport to DJT airport cause I curse that place regularly.

Take on thee speech we didn't watch

Trump decided to speak to the county today and I couldn't be bothered. I used to watch this as part of my reporting duty for TOR but this time I met up with a friend and discussed tequila. What has become obvious is that we are just humoring him at this time, he's so far from a serious person that it's painful to watch him struggle to come up with a coherent sentence. One thing that has always been present but is now crystal clear is that he sounds like such a fool because he has such a limited vocabulary. It's shocking how he's able to convey anything while using the word choices of a 5th grader but somehow half our country thinks he's some kind of a genius.

Take on the burried job reporter

The job numbers they tried to bury finally came out and they were predictably bad. Unemployment hit a four year high, hiring slowed to a crawl and the general sentiment on the economy is pretty much terrible. But Trump told us it's an A++++++ economy, so don't belie your eyes and just put your faith in him.

Take on the same song and dance



The Brown shooting should have been unfathomable but in the USA it's just another day.    Mass shootings don't move the needle much anymore neither do school shootings but still somehow Brown has captured a bit more attention than normal.   Maybe it's the manhunt, maybe it's the fact it happened at an Ivy or maybe it was just a slow news cycle but the attention it deserves will soon be drowned out by another  Trump Tweet or provocation.   

What bothers me is that there was a shooting at Kentucky State two days before and nobody seems to talk about it.    Maybe it was because there was only one person who died or -more than likely- because Kentucky State is a Historically Black College.   The Brown shooting is horrific, the fact they have released the person of interest after plastering his face all over the news is criminal and the fact that we let Sandy Hook happen and just moved on is what makes this country's leadership complicit in every single one of these murders.  

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Take on the suck it group

The difference between democracies and MAGA nuts comes to to accountability. One group says that if their ex president is in the Epstein files, he should face just once. The other says that if their guy is in the files, it's fake news. They will tell you with a straight face that it's a democratic ploy when Trump is in it but would call it credible if Clinton is in the same exact trove. So much for the swamp draining crowd.

Take on the EV surcharge

Can somebody explain to me why parking lots charges an extra $10 to park an electric car? The SUV surcharge is already a scam as most of them have the same footprint of a car and the cubic space in lot is irrelevant but they have been getting away with that for years. As crazy as that is, an EV surcharge seems totally insane.

Take on the America First agenda

the America First agenda doesn't jive with most everything the MAGA movement claims to stand for. We are certain that at the end of the day, they all hate immigrants, Jews, minorities and women and the more you allow them to, the more they will marginalize all of the. The fact that there is just a small irony in the fact that Trump is married to a former Slovenian call girls is not lost on me. I'm counting the says till the He's dead text message

Take on the food photos

I have friends who go to eat and take these incredible photos of their meal. The photos are well lit, have good color contrast and entice you to go to the restaurant. Sadly everyone I try to do this, my filet mignon looks like a Detroit strippers meat curtains

Take on the tourist trap

we may never get another tourist again.
Trump is now suggesting that every router should disclose 5 years of social media before being allowed into the country. You know this isn't rooting out any radical ideology but rather about seeing if anybody called the orange one anything other than King. What a disgrace we are, but at least we can sell use calibri, right??

Take on the FIFA water break rule.

FIFA has announced that it will add 3 minutes per half for hydration which sounds sensible until you realize this Santos soccer is played. Yes, there are instances where it's over a certain temperature that there may be a water break but to announce this eight months before the first ball drops reeks of commercialization. You know this isn't about player safety, it's about getting a made for TV timeout.

FiFA sucks

Take on donald trump jr's weird shoulders

Have you noticed how droopy Don Jr'w shoulders are? There is a certain look which is what the ideal man should look like and he would have squared shoulders while Don Jr looks like a melted soft serve. It's as if you molded a normal man out of candle wax and then let it melt. I so hope he runs for office and gets absolutely shellacked

Take on the sham peace prize.

Trump receiving the FIFA peace prize is the most laughable event of the weekend. It's appropriate that the most corrupt sports league hands a made up award to the most corrupt president Nobody's surprised that these two are in bed together and the fact he's been mocked for it mercilessly is the absolute best but I'm still wondering how half the teams are doing to be allowed into the US this summer

Take on the reducing can conundrum

Recycling cans are such a weird thing concept in practice. It's like a window into your life whose curtains you are keeping open for the entire world to see. You walk past your neighbors house and see twenty empty cans of bud lites and now you know he's not just a drunk but one who drinks crappy beer. We live in a country where we all appreciate privacy but here we are letting the entire neighborhood know how bad your alcohol addiction really is.

Take on the Chubbs Hand.


Trump's hand is looking more and more like Chubbs Peterson's paw. He's going to Walter Reid like twice a week for routine checks each coming with a shot of egg nog given to him intravenously into his hand. One thing we know is that he's being checked for Alzheimers as every time they ask him why he's getting MRI's as often as many people cut their nails, he mentions that stupid continue test that he so proudly aced.

Take on the MAGA face

Every time I see Susan Dell, it looks like her face is a deflated whoopee cushion and when somebody stomped on it, her tits popped out. She has that odd combination Kash Patel's eyes, Pinocchio's nose and Ronald McDonald's lips. Only Michael and Susan Dell dan donate $6billion and be made to feel stupid for it, mostly because they are Trump supporters. Plus their laptops suck

Take on the really boating meeting


Trump fell asleep during a cabinet meeting and nobody bothered to wake him which begs the question, are they deathly afraid of him or do they prefer him not interrupting them. The best thing about the clip was that at some point he wakes up and looks like he has no idea where the hell he is and you are sure he probably wet himself.

I'm guessing if he just dies one day while sitting in his chair they'd just keep taking around he for hours. Nobody would want to get up and end the meeting so as to not catch his wrath, so they'd pull a Cory Booker thing. Rubio would be pissing in a cup, Hegseth would be doing shots of tequila from his Stanley cup and Noem would be plucking her eyebrows while Scott Bessent just droned on about cutting financial regulations

Take on the boat strikes

As Pistol Pete and Dumpy Trump try to distance themselves from the merciless killing of people on those boats, we are reminded of the rats leaving the ship.

We know they see the boat has sprung a leak and they are desperate to distance themselves to this although we all know that Pete ordered it and Trump spooned it as he loves nothing more than to torture brown people. Absolute war criminals these two.

Take on the power couple

you always know when it's fake Melania when she's holding Donald Duck's hand as we saw today when "they" stepped off helicopter. Trump also looks like he's about to croak, he doesn't even have time to out his makeup on or do his hair, he just looks like he's a lump of doing flesh at this point

Take on Lane Kiffin

College sports have become so completely disgusting with the way they have monetized every step of not. The NIL, the transfer portal and all the meaningless bowls aside. Allowing a coach to leave mid season and strong arm his staff into doing the same is the epitome of a broken system. Lane Kiffen is an OK head coach, he hasn't won anything and seems to overachieve with lower level teams dnd under achieve with premier programs. So this move to LSU will likely be another crap drain on Kiffin's boxer shorts but since everybody is getting rich, nobody cares

The on the endless war

I'm sure we are going to war, I'm sure we will lose good men and women said war and I'm sure we will make lifelong enemies. I'm sure Trump doesn't care and I'm sure he's convinced that we will never get out of our own way if we continue this mentality to colonialism. The shining city upon the hill is a crumbling ghetto

Take on an economy of terror.

We've been worried about the fact our government is dealing in an economy of terror. We have decided it was ok to kill boaters without any due process. Pistol Pete Hegseth is the head of this organization who doesn't like the fact that he has to abide by rules of war but when the commander in chief says it's ok, and we know he has immunity, we have given up any sense of righteousness. This is our new America and I don't recognize it.

Take on Karoline Leavitt m

We know that Karoline Leavitt is a worthless human and reading about her nephew's mom being picked up by ICE tells you all you need to know about her. We have watched her be an unapologetic mouthpiece for this administration and has done nothing to help the most vulnerable. Now he own family is affected and in still not sure she gives a crap. May she fall into a pool of busted silicon, hairspray and Botox.

Take on the shark jump

I wanted to like the last season of stranger things but between the time lapse, the issue that the kids are all like 30 years old and little problem that they keep going back to the same the stories. All the kids are now winy tools, the lot interests are forced and even the nostalgia has run its course. I feel like every episode is just a rehash of another one, they even mention the deja vu thing in this episodes because we have all seen this before. It's like when in star wars they had to blow up the Death Star again.

Time to put this thing out of its misery.

Take on the old man

Trump seems to have gotten old overnight. We know he's likely had some kind of stroke as he can't seem to play golf anymore and has those weird makes on his hands but the way he looks lately, it's obvious he has just gotten to that place where he should spend the ref of his days looking at birds and eating jello. I think the entire thing seems like a great bide. Send grandpa to the old person home and let him yell at a few squirrels.

Take on the Mark Kelly moment

The attack on Mark Kelly tells you everything you need to know about this moment. This is Pistol Pete Hegseth doing what he does which is basically destroy any credibly his department has in order go kiss up to the orange jubilee. There has been no better patriot than Kelly and nobody who's gone through more who is presently sending in congress. I can't imagine the hell these aholes have signed themselves up for.

Take on the uproar about the mtg pension

I swear I don't understand why people are up in arms that MTG chose to resign on January 5th, ensuring she get her pension. First of all, it's a relatively small pension, not one that in the grand scheme will mean anything and not one she can collect till she's in her 60's. Secondly, any person could do exactly the same. Think about yourself in any situation where if you left your job today, you get nothing or leave in two months right after your Christmas break and you'd guarantee yourself a pension. Who in their right mind would to leave today??

Take on the Mamdani and Trump meetup

I wish anybody looked at me the way Trump looks at Mamdani. I watched part of their joint press conference and to say Trump was smitten would be an understatement. I have seen him sort of grovel to autocratic leaders before but this was different. This was him genuinely wanting to get his attention and it wasn't quite working.

Take on JD in a tuxedo shirt.





No one lookalike a bigger douche-bag than JD Vance in a tuxedo.  He looks like a modern Bruce Vilanch Not only does he have a brown stain on his shirt, the shirt is what you put a little kid in to dress him up.  And this thing looks like it's a size or two too small for his giant man boobs.   Can somebody please tell JD and his boss that a proper fitting suit shouldn't be this much of a challenge. 

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Take on Piggy Leavitt

when Karoline Leavitt tried to justify Trump calling a reporter Piggy, we were struck with the irony of the fact that when you see her face on you can see her nostrils. She's not an attractive human, this is well known, but she's always had that Miss Piggy look!going for her which now doesn't seem nearly as endearing.

Take on the Bump suit

Trump's suit when he meet MBS this week tells you all you need to know about him. For a guy who claims to be a billionaire and who thrives on knocking others for their appearance shows up looking like he slept on a city bench for the night cracked out on Butterfingers and Mara bars. The guy is a complete embarrassment to our country.

The on the Epstein files

The sudden release of the Epstein files smells so rotten. These GOP has spent a year hiding from it but all of a sudden they all want it releases which I'm sure mean that he's been totally bleached. We know that Trump accused Hillary is this which is just another confession, we are find to get pages of retractions in the best case scenario.

The on dead man walking

I'm convinced that Trump won't make it through his second term. I thought maybe he'd be impeached but now I'm guessing he's going to just keel over. The guy looks absolutely horrible, he's obviously going through stages of dementia and he can't use one of his arms. You know when this jackass hasn't played golf in months, something is up

We will use TOR on the day he croaks to drop our last post. Ding Dong the Witch is dead

The on the tone of the Epstein emails

The one thing the Epstein trove tells me is that we've been told he's some really smart finance guy who was able to have relationships with many of the most influential people in the world but he wrote emails like a 14 year old middle
school girl. I can't tell you why half the stuff he said meant but it was like was confusing his Gmail account and his AOL messenger one. It's disturbingly stupid.

Take on Butt Champagne

There are some products out there that I don't need and there are some products out there I thought I didn't need. I'm putting butt champagne in the former category even if my local pharmacist is trying to get me to buy it every time I walk into the place. I'm not sure what it does but I don't see the words butt and champagne going well together.

Take on Trump lowering tariffs on coffee, beef and fruits

We know that Trump is not a serious student of economics which is actually us understating it. My middle school miss is not a serious student of global economics but she doesn't pretend she is and certainly doesn't act upon it that can affect millions. Trump on the other hand doesn't think things though, he just acts and we suffer. This is an awful time to be alive

Take on the presidential blowjob

The fact Trump blew Bill Clinton is a visual I will never get out of my head. We knew he was a sick bastard and we also knew Bubba is a kinky mothersucker but this was something I hadn't considered. Feel bad for Venezuela tonight.

Take on the pedophile cabal

We all knew that Trump as all over the Epstein files mostly because his entire sycophant posse is doing everything in their power to stop it. But what gets me is that for years these crazies at QAnon have been telling us about some pedophile cabal running out of the back of some pizza joint frequented by the Clintons. I've said they were nuts but the pre I think about it, they seem like they had it pegged pretty darn close.