Take on the rules

when hitting an adult entertainment place there are a few rules that can never be broken

- never take the offer from the doorman to help him find you a good table. Tables are for suckers because strip clubs are about the stage and on a busy night you need to be as close to the action as you can be. You'll air there like a schmo wondering why Savannah from Georgia (the country not the state) hasn't made it back to your table and thenyou realize she's being scooped up the second she leaves the stage. You'll spend the night nursing on $9 Miller Lite's while you could be nursing on something much less filling

- never let her start a dance when the song has already started. Strip club songs are already ridiculously short, nobody needs to be shorted any more

- always have singles. I know this sounds ridiculously obvious because spending $200 is easy in theory but spending 200 singles takes time. It's like the poker room in a casino, you can sit there for hours drinking free jack and cokes or you can go to the blackjack table and blow your wad in 15 minutes. I guess it's all about preferences

- always limit your possible expenditures before you walk in the door Decide beforehand what you are going to spend, take out that amount and don't allow yourself to hit the ATM ever

- when you lend money to a friend never allow them to give it back to you under the black-light. He may as well just flush the $200 down the toilet because when you have money in your pocket at FD's it's as good as spent

- leave your credit cards at home because would better off giving your VISA card to a Ukranian website than a Ukranian dancer.

- never use their ATM unless you are OK with a 10% convenience charge for $100 worth of monopoly money

- don't eat the sushi. I don't care if the place has a grade A plaque from the health department in their window, nothing good can come from chowing down on raw fish at strip club

But finally when selecting a possible lapper remember go with real ones over the ones with the big fake boobs. Apparently the silicon has leached into their minds or they have lost any sense of sensuality and somehow they always assume that constantly jumping down on your lap from five feet up is suppose to be a turn-on.