Take on the Black Hole

Apparently i jinxed myself  because my fool proof method  if avoiding getting sick on Asia backfired.  I didn't actually drink gh water but something I did eat did not agree with my pampered Western gastro-intestinal system   Luckily for me it didn't hit me till day 9 but unluckily for me it hit while in a car 200 miles from my hotel
I ask the driver to pull over at the reststop and I make the mind of dash for it they haven't seen since Ussein Bolt.   I run into the bathroom and all of a sudden it hits me:   This is not your daddy's bathroom, these are a bunch of holes in the ground you have to squat over.   Now I have some experience with this position as you may recall from my poop and run story in Prospect Park from a few years ago but this is a whole new ballgame.  I am not in shorts in the woods, I am in a full suit standing over what looks like an orifice  go hell.   See if I tumbled while in the park, the worst that could have happened was I fell into my own excrement but if my quads failed in this scenario I would be lying in a peasant compost heap. 
But I have no choice, my stomach is doing flips so I drop my pants, brace myself and release a stream of juice that splatters over everything in this little stall.  My legs burn, my eyes tear and my ahole feels like it got abused by a rugby team but the release is worth it.     This place looks like a scene out of Trainspotting to start with so I'm not actually sure what I am actually responsible for but i'm sure i am leaving it worse than it started out as and that is saying something.  I have no experience with this squat shitting so I feel like I should be given a pass on trajectory especially since i'm basically just pissing out of my ass.   I  finish surprisingly without making it into a scene of Chinese Slumdog Millionare which is impressive considering the situation.
I go to wipe up and realize there is no toilet paper

MLIA