I’m only Happy when it rains

I’m actually never happy when it rains for three main reasons. The first is that in NYC walking the streets when there is any kind of precipitation means that the sky is falling. It’s not just that you have to deal with the irritation trifecta of wet socks, slow commutes and the fact you have to dodge the people carrying those ridiculous golf-umbrellas because the combination of the three basically means the fine-oiled machine which is the NYC walker gets completely knocked off his rhythm. Now we at TOR have often complained about the fact that one gawking tourist can cause a chain-reaction pile up on any of the NYC sidewalks but you add rain into this and the average New Yorker turns into a retard which leads to the kind of sidewalk wreck NASCAR would be proud of.

I was walking down the street yesterday with the rain-drops coming down and it was as if the world had forgotten how to walk, the entire city of NY was overcome by 10 month olds. I was skillfully dodged two women who decided that standing on the corner of 45rd and 6th in a tsunami was an ideal time to catch up, I then avoided a UPS truck barreling down 44th who seemed to have forgotten his window wipers and finally I managed to tight-rope the end of the sidewalk past two dudes moving at snail's pace and seemed like I was in the clear until I got to the crosswalk until some broad decides to stop as the cross-walk light starts blinking red. In order to avoid a huge crash I spin, avoiding some kid holding his mom’s hand and land square into a puddle the size of Lake Michigan, my shoe, sock, pants and my life all soaked in a combination of sewage, used cigarettes buts and rain-water.   

What I cannot comprehend is that when the rain comes pouring down people actually slow down in their normal pace. You would guess that you would speed up to avoid getting drenched but this kind of logic is lost upon these folks. If the weather is in the low 80’s and the girls are out in skirts there seems to be reason to take your time but when your underwear is soaked why spend any longer in said situation?