When my sense of male chivalry conflicts with my need to not look like the kind of guy who pisses on a toilet seat.

When I was a kid I would hit any bathroom, lift the seat and wizz away with no thought in the world. Never did it occur to me that maybe I should put the seat back down when I was down because as a testosterone driven human, I thought only of my own convenience. Years later I changed my ways and started putting the seat down after I was done and for the most part this approach worked for me and the people I’ve shared my living quarters with.

See even in my early years, I never grasped the rationale behind people pissing all over the seat of a toilet seat. Not only is it a completely filthy habit but as the case of my college dormitory the guys who would piss on the seat had to realize that at some point they would have to plant their own asses on the same seat they pissed on earlier in the day. Now I am about the most courteous public pisser out there, having perfected the art of lifting the seat and flushing the toilet without ever having to touch anything with my hands and will then drop the seat again so the next person won’t have to touch anything but the more I think about it this might actually not be the smartest thing to do

Knowing how disgusting people are clashes with my sense of chivalry and I’m often met with the following dilemma: If you take a leak in a public place do you leave the toilet seat up when you walk away? My sense of chivalry says that I should so that the next person can just walk in and plop down but my sense of cleanliness says I’m better off keeping it up knowing there are so many filthy animals out there who won’t even bother to do use their shoe to lift up the seat.
The other reason I'm having second thoughts about bringing the seat back down is because I don't want the person who may see me walk out as they walk in to think that I may have pissed on the seat.   I can't be taking any chances when it comes to my reputation

So I’ve decided that the next time I walk into a restaurant’s pisser and the seat looks like a slip and slide I will be dropping and upper-decker. If you are not going to offer me a clean throne I will offer you a nightmare to clean up