The Trap

Although we aren't bears in a forest full of hunters and don't live in a place like Afghanistan there are still a number of traps and figurative landmines which we have to navigate around on a daily basis. Sometimes they are set by poachers who prey on people with too- good-to-be-true deals, other times they come in the form of a painful piss stream after a rendezvous with some skanky vixen while other times the trap comes from somebody who is close to you.


The first couple are pretty self explanatory but the latter is most dangerous. This one doesn't come as a complete surprise and is hidden by a seemingly innocent question. and the perpetrator is often the kind of person who often asks more than they ever give so although you see it coming, the trap is almost impossible to avoid.

Let me explain:

Whenever somebody asks you a question like:

"What are you doing on (fill in the blank)?"

You may as well jump into a pile of dogcrap because you have just stepped on an IED (inconsiderate extravagant demand) and there is really is no good way out of what will inevitably be a follow up question with some miserable request. See the follow up question if you answer "nothing" is always something like

"Oh great, can you help me with ___".

Since you are caught off guard and don't have an immediate excuse you have basically signed yourself to move some refrigerator or something equally dreadful

Now you have two options: tell the truth when the first question comes and get screwed or otherwise be forced to come up with some lame excuse after you have already said you were available when the second one comes knowing your story will come across a blatant lie.

So the only option is the third one to have a hand full of built in excuses and bullshit plans which you throw out whenever somebody asks you what you are doing on some random day.

What are you doing next Tuesday?
Party for the improvement of social servicese

What are you doing on Saturday morning
Building a shed in my basement

What are you doing Monday Night?
Attending a rally for deli workers

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry