I'm thankful for the colonic I will need tomorrow

What we love about thanksgiving is that a it's a real true American holiday. It's about family, being together and slaughtered Indians. What I don't agree with is obviously the gluttony as it celebrates our infatuation with the calorie race. The other annoyances involve the forced small-talk but nothing makes me want to stab myself in the unit with the carving knife more than any conversation about tryptophan
But all of these annoyances are till 'american' and like a family member it is OK if you say they are annoying but that doesn't give anybody else the right to do so.
What I don't approve of is people who don't stick to the traditional Thanksgiving fare. Just last week I heard somebody say they would instead of turkey cook a chicken. There isn't any freedom here, you have to get stuck eating the same crap we all do. But the one that took the cake were the people I know who went the tofu route, not because they detest meat but because they prefer soy beans. I don't care if you are vegetarian, allergic to cranberries or brussell sprouts make you puke, you can't substitute the staples in a Thanksgiving feast.

To this I have only one retort
Move to Canada you unpatriotic slobs

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