Fistfull of Singles

Everybody's darker side comes out when they got a few beers in 'em and a couple of double-D's staring them in their face.
A good strip club for a bachelor party is gold even when you realize you have to deal with some of the most obvious negatives like: entrance-fees, two drink minimums and the difficulty of getting the smell of cherry jubilee out of your jeans. It usually works so well because all in all a bunch of guys are just out looking to have a good time and the formula of tits, beer and music is pretty fool-proof.
The entire night is set up perfectly and expect for a crazy coke and hooker binge you wonder how is could possibly ever get messed up.

Well there is one way and that is when the DJ drops the ball.
First of all I have to think that the strip-club DJ has to be both one of the easiest but also one of the best jobs in the world. They are basically told 'don't think too much just play the stuff that works, when in doubt put on Metallica, GNR, Christina Aguilera or a feel-good classic like "It's Getting Hot in Here' and then just pretend your Dr. 90210 and stare at implants.

But apparently they don't teach everything at Strip Club DJ school because sometimes you see one of these idiots try to reinvent the wheel where there are only two things he should think about when he is choosing the music

1- how to get the girls to get their clothes off
2- how to keep the girls clothes off and keep them from at least looking interested.
Sounds easy right?

Well yesterday was a colossal failure at the DJ booth when we went back-to-back-to back with:
"it's Raining men", "Gloria" and "What a Feeling"
It was as if you left Flashdancers and were instantaneously zapped over to Hunkamania. Did somebody forget to tell this ahole that we were not a group of menopausal women but a group of red blooded dudes?

You know the music sucks at a strip club when all the guys are going to the pisser at the same time, if I were running FD's he would be out on his ass today.
So here is a cheat-sheet for all your Strip Club DJ's out there.

There are three types of songs that work at a strip-club and three types only

1- The Tawny Kitaen genre
Nothing fits the feel, look and atmosphere better than the straight out Rock-&-Roll, especially when it's the kind of chick on the hood of a car fantasy song. Get her long hair whipping around her face and if she is even remotely hot she should be cleaning up. There isn't anything hotter than a trashy white chick rocking out to David Coverdale.

2- Party Hip-Hop
Party feel, party flavor.. when Biggy Smalls blasting from the ceiling speakers and you know you are going to bring the house down. There might be better hip-hop songs but the kind of tune to get the asses moving and the wing-wing's grooving is usually a straight guarantee of a good time
This works for all races, nationalities and religions, just shake your ass and rake in the bucks

3. Anything Britney
Nobody really likes Britney but there is something so wrong/right about Britney coming on,under the black-lights maybe it's the whole school-girl thing but every good stripper can mouth all of the 'slave to you' lyrics and the younger she looks the better it comes across.

So stick with the above themes, don't EVER veer away from what you know works and if you are going to play It's Raining Men realize that your high-paying customers are not going to be letting it rain other than raining the boos upon you.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry