Take on air travel

Airtravel has really gone to the birds. People dress like slobs, the entire cabin stinks of gas and the passengers are an unruly bunch of animals. The TSA process is awful, taking your shoes off is the biggest time suck around and the fact they still need you to pour out your shampoo bottles is brainless. But what is worse is the fact you can show up to an airport and find the entire board red, with 95% of all flights cancelled. I get if this was a legitimate ground stoppage but a preemptive ground stoppage for a storm that may come is what turns this entire experience into a complete cluster.

We need a secretary of transportation interested in the improvement of our lives, not one who just bows down to Dear Leader.

Take on the indiscriminate bombing

nothing celebrates the birth of Jesus better than bombing the hell out of a sovereign country in africa. We know why Trump does what he does, it's a combination of Christo-fascism with a dash of racism. We aren't sure what the next thing is but we've attacked Venezuela and Nigeria which both happen to have gigantic amounts of oil. But that's probably just a coincidence

Take on another million files

Santa apparently found another million Epstein documents which I'm sure we are going to get fully redacted. I'm not sure where this goes but the fact they released it on Christmas Eve tells you they want it buried. What's more shocking is Trump hasn't just survived it but is thriving in spite of it, tells you that we are living in a m ass backwards country.

Take on college football

nothing about the way college football is being run right now feels right. The entire concept behind the transfer portal is fine but the fact that players are opting out of the college playoffs as they are going on, breaks everything for me. Coaches doing it is awful and players doing it is almost worse. I'm sick and tired of this entire system taking away any sense of athletic integrity.

Take on mourning.


I hope when I drop dead, you all our me like Erika Kirk mourns her husband. I want a sequence dress, pyrogenics, entrance music and a giant cameltoe. I don't have any idea what kind of woman this is but her mourning reminds me a lot of a WWE event.

Take on the the economy, stupid

I don't care which politician tries it and I don't care what they say but the one thing you can't convince the American public is that economy is good when they themselves are suffering. Trump's demise will fall on the back of the economy not because of scandals, indulgences and overreach. He will lose his base when they realize how ripped off they have been by him and they say will be a glorious reckoning

Take on the sycophant army

there isn't a democrat out there who is defending Bubba's friendship with Epstein and nobody is going to war to protect that relationship all the while Trump fans are all busy with their mental gymnastics to justify what he did Everybody knows Trump is all over those retract versions but nobody in his believes any of that.

take on the need for a mansierre

somebody needs to get Don Jr some lifts, some Just for Men and a bro. The dude looks like he's going through gender affirming care as we speak and the side behind him probably smells Jr's old man walking up. He looks like Jennifer Anniston with those things.

Take on Trump Putting His name on the Kennedy Center

everybody is upset that Trump named the Kennedy center after himself, I for one don't care. It's obviously a ludicrous thing but we have bigger things to worry about and in 3 years we can scrub his stain off of it. I do think he deserves an honor and i suggest changing JFK airport to DJT airport cause I curse that place regularly.

Take on thee speech we didn't watch

Trump decided to speak to the county today and I couldn't be bothered. I used to watch this as part of my reporting duty for TOR but this time I met up with a friend and discussed tequila. What has become obvious is that we are just humoring him at this time, he's so far from a serious person that it's painful to watch him struggle to come up with a coherent sentence. One thing that has always been present but is now crystal clear is that he sounds like such a fool because he has such a limited vocabulary. It's shocking how he's able to convey anything while using the word choices of a 5th grader but somehow half our country thinks he's some kind of a genius.

Take on the burried job reporter

The job numbers they tried to bury finally came out and they were predictably bad. Unemployment hit a four year high, hiring slowed to a crawl and the general sentiment on the economy is pretty much terrible. But Trump told us it's an A++++++ economy, so don't belie your eyes and just put your faith in him.

Take on the same song and dance



The Brown shooting should have been unfathomable but in the USA it's just another day.    Mass shootings don't move the needle much anymore neither do school shootings but still somehow Brown has captured a bit more attention than normal.   Maybe it's the manhunt, maybe it's the fact it happened at an Ivy or maybe it was just a slow news cycle but the attention it deserves will soon be drowned out by another  Trump Tweet or provocation.   

What bothers me is that there was a shooting at Kentucky State two days before and nobody seems to talk about it.    Maybe it was because there was only one person who died or -more than likely- because Kentucky State is a Historically Black College.   The Brown shooting is horrific, the fact they have released the person of interest after plastering his face all over the news is criminal and the fact that we let Sandy Hook happen and just moved on is what makes this country's leadership complicit in every single one of these murders.  

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Take on the suck it group

The difference between democracies and MAGA nuts comes to to accountability. One group says that if their ex president is in the Epstein files, he should face just once. The other says that if their guy is in the files, it's fake news. They will tell you with a straight face that it's a democratic ploy when Trump is in it but would call it credible if Clinton is in the same exact trove. So much for the swamp draining crowd.

Take on the EV surcharge

Can somebody explain to me why parking lots charges an extra $10 to park an electric car? The SUV surcharge is already a scam as most of them have the same footprint of a car and the cubic space in lot is irrelevant but they have been getting away with that for years. As crazy as that is, an EV surcharge seems totally insane.

Take on the America First agenda

the America First agenda doesn't jive with most everything the MAGA movement claims to stand for. We are certain that at the end of the day, they all hate immigrants, Jews, minorities and women and the more you allow them to, the more they will marginalize all of the. The fact that there is just a small irony in the fact that Trump is married to a former Slovenian call girls is not lost on me. I'm counting the says till the He's dead text message

Take on the food photos

I have friends who go to eat and take these incredible photos of their meal. The photos are well lit, have good color contrast and entice you to go to the restaurant. Sadly everyone I try to do this, my filet mignon looks like a Detroit strippers meat curtains

Take on the tourist trap

we may never get another tourist again.
Trump is now suggesting that every router should disclose 5 years of social media before being allowed into the country. You know this isn't rooting out any radical ideology but rather about seeing if anybody called the orange one anything other than King. What a disgrace we are, but at least we can sell use calibri, right??

Take on the FIFA water break rule.

FIFA has announced that it will add 3 minutes per half for hydration which sounds sensible until you realize this Santos soccer is played. Yes, there are instances where it's over a certain temperature that there may be a water break but to announce this eight months before the first ball drops reeks of commercialization. You know this isn't about player safety, it's about getting a made for TV timeout.

FiFA sucks

Take on donald trump jr's weird shoulders

Have you noticed how droopy Don Jr'w shoulders are? There is a certain look which is what the ideal man should look like and he would have squared shoulders while Don Jr looks like a melted soft serve. It's as if you molded a normal man out of candle wax and then let it melt. I so hope he runs for office and gets absolutely shellacked

Take on the sham peace prize.

Trump receiving the FIFA peace prize is the most laughable event of the weekend. It's appropriate that the most corrupt sports league hands a made up award to the most corrupt president Nobody's surprised that these two are in bed together and the fact he's been mocked for it mercilessly is the absolute best but I'm still wondering how half the teams are doing to be allowed into the US this summer

Take on the reducing can conundrum

Recycling cans are such a weird thing concept in practice. It's like a window into your life whose curtains you are keeping open for the entire world to see. You walk past your neighbors house and see twenty empty cans of bud lites and now you know he's not just a drunk but one who drinks crappy beer. We live in a country where we all appreciate privacy but here we are letting the entire neighborhood know how bad your alcohol addiction really is.

Take on the Chubbs Hand.


Trump's hand is looking more and more like Chubbs Peterson's paw. He's going to Walter Reid like twice a week for routine checks each coming with a shot of egg nog given to him intravenously into his hand. One thing we know is that he's being checked for Alzheimers as every time they ask him why he's getting MRI's as often as many people cut their nails, he mentions that stupid continue test that he so proudly aced.