So we got to the 7th debate last night which means that we are mere hours from the first bunch of corn farmer a standing in corners at a VFW hall under Rand, Jeb and Trump banners and I have to think that nobody thought we'd be quite here
I watched the entire debate and caught a bunch of Trump's thing on a live YouTube feed, so here we go with winners/losers and Jeb
Winners
Trump. Yeah he sounded like he was hosting a bingo night at the VFW most of the time as he was listing off donation amounts from random Iowans but people watched because..well he's Trump
John Belushi $1400
John Gotti. $150,000
John Elis Bush $3.50
But really the fact that he first 25 minutes for the Foxdebate were all questions about Trump tells you that he really is the elephant in a room of asses
Roger Federer $3000
Roger Ailes $1
Roger Rabbit $500
But the real reason Trump won was because FoxNews did a very nice job with putting the videos in front of the candidates to answer to and Trump would have been destroyed with that, so by staying away he also avoided he gotcha moment
Howard Stern $4500
Howard Dean $40
Howard Duck $67
Rand Paul. Maybe only because he got invited back to the big kid table or because while he was there he actually made sense. I did not go into this cycle with any affection for little Rand but have warmed to him but still can't fully embrace him. He is like a hemorrhoid, just when you thought he was dead he comes back and somehow you realized that you missed the little bugger.
Loved his rant about how prosecution of petty drug crimes has disproportionally destroys black lives but there was one point at the end when everybody was pulling a Carson where he was asked about Abortion being a state or federal issue where he seemed completely flustered, I have never seen him not come out with such a wishy-washy answer before
Did like the fact he fixed whatever the hell is happening on his head, for the first time it did no look like he a pubic hair Brillo pad on his head.
Big Chris.
He got to be Trump for the day, as he is easily the loudest most boisterous one on the stage but when you look like you spilled mustard on your tie it is never going to look presidential
The thing with Christie is he repeats himself all the time, it's like watching Friends the same jokes get made a hundred times. We get it, you were a US attorney the day after 9/11 (or was it the day before) and you, as a governor, have to get things done and Joey is stupid and Courtney Cox is hot we get it. He is like Rudy when it comes to content, it's all police and terrorism all the time
BUT he had some of the best lines of the night including the one about the Clintons having had their last chance at public housing. He also said "There have been multiple investigations that have proven that I knew nothing" which is probably not far from the truth.
Megyn Kelly. She got a lot of airtime leading up to this debate and was rightfully exonerated by anybody with a brain. Reporters are supposed to be allowed to ask tough questions, or are we in Stalingrad?? Although I think the fact that she opened the first few debate questions with Trump did show that he got the better of her
John McEnroe $677
John McCain. $540
John Mcalaughlin $654
FoxNews. Tim Russert would have been proud, showing clips of the candidates saying what they said as opposed to just quoting them was fantastic.
The losers
Jeb
He was actually kind of good yesterday, but he is just the definition of a loser. He had a good day just like the kid in the playground when the bully was suspended and he is finally able to hang with his friend but when the bully comes back he will be cowering in the playhouse again just hoping not to get another wedgie. Everybody has seen the real Jeb and that isn't a pretty sight because he has the confidence of a mouse. Between his campaign and Right to Rise they have spent $50,000,000 so far and he has as much traction as that O'Malley guy. For context, Trump has spent $4million, Cruz $4.2million even Rubio has spent $10 million. Jeb has spent 5 times what Rubio has spent and he will be remembered as Trump's bitch
Megyn Kelly's hair
What the hell happened there. Here is a word of advice, don't cut your hair short ever
Rubio
The more you hear Rubio, the more you feel like you are in a twilight zone episode. The world is crashing and Marco tells you that the sun is yellow, for all the talk of him being such a masterful politician it always shocks me with how out of touch he is with reality. The guy is a complete robot and I am now convinced that he was built by his creator (not that creator but some dude in Silicon Valley) for a social experiment to see if they could create the perfect candidate. He has the looks, the story, the hot wife, the beautiful family and has every single talking point at the tip of his tongue. The problem is like any robot he cannot show genuine emotion, and when he tries it looks forced. A robot also has a problem when you go off the expected subject. Ask him about banking regulation and goes off on Hillary, ask him about the auto industry and he goes to his Obama and Hillary stump speech ask him if he prefers ice cream or cake and he says that we can never let Hillary Rodham Clinton be president
Plus tried to program some extra Christ-y stuff for this Iowa model and it fell a flat as the earth.
Those big ears are actually transistors to get the information back from Google Headquarters
Ricky Martin $1000
Ricky Gervais $980
Ricky Vaughn $99
Cruz
To make a boxing analogy there are brawlers, tactical dodgers, punchers and counter punchers. Trump is a puncher, Rubio is a dodger, Jeb is a punching bag and Cruz is a counter puncher and what that means is that without Trump throwing haymakers, Cruz is out of his element. He cannot get any traction because he does not know how to be the front runner. His shtick is that he is the anti establishment and he showed yesterday that he can't play from in front. Terrible night for Cruz
Kasich
I have his Christmas card hanging in my kitchen next to one from my cousin and one from my yard guy and am about to put all of those out in the recycling bin. I love Christmas cards and think they are one of the most endearing parts of the holiday season but everybody seems happy to just send an e-card at this point or give my kid some huge plastic toy which will get a bunch of wows but then ends up in a pile of crap in the basement within a week. Maybe people will come back to their senses and realize that there is something nice about a Christmas card but I doubt it
Carson. I almost forgot about him. Oh well
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