Take on the dude asking up two seats

I get it, you like to eat and you were born from a family who does and
you have big bones and you are actually healthy and that isn't mustard
on your shirt and you are probably just bloated from too many orange
juices but really is it fair that you pay for one seat and take up one
and a half?

There is nothing more aggravating than having some dude put his gut on
your lap when flying coach. You can try to fold your arms to contain
it but at some point we all know you are going to give up and I will
look like I'm imitating Atlas for the rest of the flight

It's not just an inconvenience but after two coffees, that huge gut is
now pressing against my bladder and I am about to piss myself. I'd
ask you to get up but every time you move the stupid small regional
jet shakes and you need to use every seat back in the rows around you
to even hoist yourself out of seat 8B.
Please do me a favor and the next time you need to fly to the Midwest,
see if they'll allow you to fly cargo, it might even save you a few
bucks.