Take on the home remedy

Whenever it gets hot, it's not just my balls that stick to my inner
thighs but my feet start to crack like an egg. As the TOR
readership is well aware, these cracks lead to all sorts of pains when
crap starts getting caught in it

I decided to look up a couple of remedies and found various people
suggest that you can mash up banana pulp or avocado, you can soak in
vegetable oils, you can drip vinegar on it, you can throw them in a
bath of lemon juice or you can stick them in a bag of raw meat

So I walk over to A&P and pick out about $100 worth of groceries and
start to make a goddamn smoothie in my bedroom. I throw in a couple
of ripe avocados, a few green tomatoes, BBQ sauce, few chicken breast,
a gallon of milk, three or four eggs and some parsley. The only thing
missing was a rubber sheet.

I put my tired dogs into my smoothie and sit down eating some pretzels
and having a cold beer, as all of the suggestions where that you keep
'em soaked for an hour or so.
All of a sudden my phone rings and I drop my pretzel into the bath.

I did what would have been expected, so I fished it out and ate it right up!!