take on Miss Delaware

When I read that Melissa King, Miss Teen Delaware had abdicated her throne after it was revealed that she may or may not have starred in a porn I had an obligation to the TOR universe to investigate.   Of course my first course of action involved a little detective work because anybody who frequents the tube sites knows that ones labeled "teens" feel like a tremendous trap.   I was able to confirm that she was 18 at the time and then the hard work started.

Our review (of the first 4 or 5 minutes of the video)

This has to be one of the least inspired first attempts at breaking into the adult film business of all time, her indifference makes Paris Hilton come across as an 18 year old Samantha Fox .  I can proudly claim to have seen Fox's first move into this genre and it was much  nothing like Melissa King's which felt as sexual as a trip to Target.   

Our review of the final 7-8 minutes

I cannot believe that Duke had the court stormed on them again, Coach K looked like he was about to beat somebody with his unit when he was done trying to get out of that war-zone.   I'm all for a big celebration after a big college victory but I swear some drunk 18 year old  is going to get decked at one of these things shortly and all of a sudden a McDonald's All-American will be serving time

We digress... anyway we feel that it might be time for TOR to give new aspiring actresses some help when it comes to their first venture into this for of art.

We don't care if you aren't really into it, but don't make it obvious.   There is nothing that is a bigger turn-off than when we see you turn your head off camera to look at something (think Marco Rubio with fake D's and not wearing pants)..   We need some commentary from you.. you know the standard fare "it's so big"  "I'm so wet" etc.   We need a few grunts and at least 4 or 5 moans per minute so that our fantasy doesn't feel like it's happening in a acoustic bubble.    We need at least four positions, we need you to make eye-contact, we need you to be well groomed (and bleached), we need your hair-pulled, we need less him and more you, we need you to look like you've been stuck in a dessert for a month when you a slurping on his dong, we need you to look like you've been stuck in a dessert alone for a year when he's crunching down on your beaver and we need you to ride him backwards and forwards so we can see both angles.  We need a bit of a story-line and it's gotta be somewhat believable, we need decent lighting because nothing looks worse than something that looks like my basement as a kid.   We need you to take it like it will determine if you live or die (think Hunger Games)  and please God we need it raw.. nothing worse than shaking hands with gloves on.