Automatic Gratuity is unAmerican

I may have ranted against this before, but this is a scam on par with socialism. Sitting at a restaurant last night with my family, we were met with the unfortunate “an automatic gratuity of 20% will be added to parties of six or more”. Now I’m a good tipper, always have been and honestly don’t expect that much out of a waiter other than be prompt, be courteous and be attentive. Well the guy who served us last night was corny, late and then disappeared. I can’t stand a waiter or busboy who hovers over you, not allowing for a natural break in the conversation when he/she comes over to take an order or starts removing appetizer dishes half-eaten but there is nothing worse than a server who lets you sit hungry or thirsty.
We order our first round of beers at about 6:30, ten minutes later he comes back to tell us they are out of Stella and finally arrive at about 6:55 with our drinks. What the hell does it take 10 minutes to realize you are out of a crappy beer and how does it take another 15 minutes to get three beers and a Mojito out? Was he brewing his own beer down in the cellar because he sure as hell wasn’t out taking our appetizer order. So for 25 minutes we are all sitting there like a bunch of kids online to meet Britney Spears with menus in our laps, dying of thirst, no one even comes over to drop down a basket of stale bread.
This is the issue, when the guy knows he’s getting 20% why work at all? It’s the same question you can ask for a guy who makes minimum wage vs collecting welfare, at some point is it worth that guy getting out of bed? Well this ahole making way more than minimum wage just leaves us hanging there. He finally takes our order which arrives almost 45 minutes later but not once does he come over to take a second drink order. We are forced to use sign-language with the non-English speaking busboy to convey messages like “orange juice for the baby” or ‘more pita for the hummus appetizer” But the waiter never shows his face. The worst part is that I feel like I’m lost in the Sahara as I’m dying of thirst and desperately need another Miller Lite to quench my thirst.

When this guy doesn’t show up, I do what I hate to do but I march over to the manager and ask “did our waiter leave? He hasn’t been back here in almost an hour” making it clear that I’m not paying a 20% auto-gratuity, he gives me a bit of 'policy' crap but at the end of the night I leave 13% on the pre-tax check and walk away proud (Although probably still chewing on the loogie he invariably put in my quesadilla) .