This probably way overdue but I’ve decided that I am just not sophisticated enough to drink wine and not cool enough to drink hard liquor.
Anybody who has met me knows that I love to drink, actually saying love to drink is probably not giving the affection I have for alcohol enough credit. But after 33 years of living and about 20 years of boozing, it’s time to reevaluate where I stand with the stuff and after a hard evaluation I have decided to give up drinking any form of wine, hard liquor or wine-coolers.
I’ll take them one at a time
First of all my palate is not sophisticated enough to enjoy wine, especially the reds. I can’t tell the difference between a $8 and $38 bottle of Merlot and find myself completely dehydrated either way the next morning with my lips stained red. When I drink a glass of wine and I’m told to look for the blackberry flavors on the front of my tongue and the oaky flavor on the back of my tongue it’s like asking a blind guy to avoid swinging at a curve-ball but swing at a Johan Santana fastball.
Anybody who has met me knows that I love to drink, actually saying love to drink is probably not giving the affection I have for alcohol enough credit. But after 33 years of living and about 20 years of boozing, it’s time to reevaluate where I stand with the stuff and after a hard evaluation I have decided to give up drinking any form of wine, hard liquor or wine-coolers.
I’ll take them one at a time
First of all my palate is not sophisticated enough to enjoy wine, especially the reds. I can’t tell the difference between a $8 and $38 bottle of Merlot and find myself completely dehydrated either way the next morning with my lips stained red. When I drink a glass of wine and I’m told to look for the blackberry flavors on the front of my tongue and the oaky flavor on the back of my tongue it’s like asking a blind guy to avoid swinging at a curve-ball but swing at a Johan Santana fastball.
White wines are a bit better but honestly the sugars and the bitters in total make me get an almost instantaneous headache. I don’t care that they pair with certain dishes cause the only thing I feel like I ever pair it with is somebody beating my head with a hammer the next morning. I just don't have the tolerance for wine, it's as if my body doesn't process it correctly
Hard Liquor is another story all together but I’ve decided it’s just not worth the abuse my body takes whenever I decide to go Jack and Coke or Jack and ice or Jack and Jack.
So my goal is no more wines, no more shots, no more mixed drinks and most importantly no more misery.
So although it will mean that I’ll have to run about 30 miles per week to keep me under 200lbs, I’m a beer only guy from this day forth….well except a couple of frozen margaritas.
beer will make your boobs grow. It's scientifically proven.
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