BobbleHead Doll

I show up at Central Park a couple of times per month sometime before one of the races start (usually at some ungodly hour like 7am on a Saturday), get online with about 4990 white people and 10 Japanese ones and get ready to loop central park in a time which is hopefully a bit under an hour.

I'm decked out from head-to-toe like every other yuppy, with my new white sneakers, my running shorts and my number pinned to my shirt all waiting for the final race announcements and then finally the gun. At this point it's a free-for-all for the next 40 or 50 minutes with people bouncing off each other all huffing and puffing in some great sequence and then we all hug and kiss each other afterwards as if this is some grown-up tee-ball game where everybody wins.

I usually do OK but i'm nowhere near the course record and when I look up my time later on the internet I always finish somewhere where i'm ranked ahead of about 55% of the guys my age but obviously still behind 45% of the guys my age (which probably includes a bunch of guys who probably rolled out of bed hung-over who have to stop a few times to puke on the side of the road.)

I think I have figured it out. The problem I have is not that I don't train adequately or that I can't spend $100 on the sneakers but the amount of wind-drag I have to put up with when running with this gigantic mellon on my shoulders is a gigantic disadvantage. I feel like one of those stupid mascots at the Washington Nationals' games, trying to circle the outfield.

I have to think that my head is at least twice the diameter of anybody else's, it' s like I'm Mr. Met without the white jersey on.