There isn't a worst place in the world to be than on route 95 heading home after a night of heavy drinking. The rumble in my stomach signaled only one thing, Bud Mud!! The aftermath of putting back 20 light beers the night before.
We stop at a reststop, one of those gas stations that use to be a Mobil but now is run by a some dude who probably adds 40% water to the gasoline. The kind of place where you leave and your car runs worse just from the gas. I bust out of the car in search for relief, run into the quickly mart attached to the gas station. I run around quickly looking desperately for a place to get some relief. Then I look accross the aisle and find some hope when I see that the john is available. Bust into the room and now the decision of a lifetime is upon me.
This place looks like a Friday the 13th murder took place inside of it. There is crap everywhere, the toilet looks like somebody gave birth in it, there are probably pools of heroin and blood in the corner, from the looks of it there is more piss on the seat than on the floor and there are all of three sheets of toilet paper left,..but then again beggars can't be choosers..
This is when you just gotta close your eyes, plop your ass down and pray that the zits on your ass can act as a barrier for the STD that are probably floating all over the seat.
At this point I decide to be somewhat innovative. Take off my undershirt to wipe down the seat of the most gruesome visible filth,throw my shirt in the corner next to the box of eggs and the empty vial. I squat down and prepare to make this rest-stop mensroom my own. From the sounds of it, this wasn't just Bud Mud this was had the same consistency going in as it did going out.. I take some pride in actually having filthed up this mensroom worse than it was when I got there. I'm about to walk out when I realize the flusher doesn't work and since there seems to be urine in the sink I decide that washing up might not really help out the situatin much. I buy a bottle of Evian to wash my hands with mixed with some hot-water from the tea dispenser. My life is pretty bad but it's all OK, the ride is only another 2 hours.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Seeing as you sent this blog from your blackberry, do you feel safe ever using those same keys again? Basically, that mens room is going to always be with you....
ReplyDeleteAlso, why didn't you buy a bottle of water on the way in to wash your hands with BEFORE starting up?
love it
I can't believe you jetted as early as you did.
ReplyDeleteI slept until 1pm, just in time for kickoff!
Lets Review:
- me sleeping late
- me not getting hepatitis a-f from a mens room that looked like a scene from saw III.
-me watching football while you drove home.
In Conclusion:
you should have stayed longer and sweated out the booze while we ate chicken wings and watched the giants curb stomp the rams.
Or the jets....oh wait nevermind.