The in the front page headlines

The Daily News, New York Times and Wall Street Journal all blasted their readers with some version of "guilty" in their front page. The New York Post on the other hand thought it was better to editorialize and cry about the conviction. It's not shocking out of a NewsCorp vehicle but still they'd even have to admit that covering this in any way other than straight news is troubling..then again they aren't anything close to news.

Take on the conviction

Donald Trump was convicted this afternoon and although it doesn't really matter, it sort of does. This guy has spent his entire life evading responsibility for his actions and today, for the first time, he was forced to face the music. He's going to appeal, we know that, and maybe he'll get off but for now we all know that he's a convicted criminal and nobody in their right mind should ever vote for this guy for anything.

Take on the verdict

The results won't matter, regardless if he's found guilty, not guilty or the entire thing is a hung jury, Trump will prevail. He'll either say it is a sham judgment or say he always said he did nothing wrong but either way he will fundraise the hell out of this thing. I don't think it matters anymore, nobody who has any sense will vote for him before or after and people who are under his spell will continue to be.

Take on the missing family members at the Trump trial.

Some of Trump's family have avoided the court while Agent Orange sat for judgment for this hush money trial. We know that Trump cannot ever hope to walk totally free as he will be facing trials for the rest of his miserable life. The biggest challenge is that if he beats any of them, or gets a split decisions, he will become even more intolerable than he is now.

Take on Florida priest biting woman who grabbed Holy Communion wafers

Most of the time the only thing we have to worry about with priests is them not trying to diddle underaged boys but in Florida they have a new issue. Apparently a priest bit a parishioner who tried to stick their hand in the communion wafer jar. I can't totally follow the story but the woman offender, apparently thought that the communion line was an all you could eat offering.

Take on the Libertarian convention

Trump was booed at the Libertarian convention as they realized he was neither a libertarian, a liberal or a librarian. We don't know why he would ever think this would be a natural fit for him as almost everything he speaks about his authoritarian but then again, we already mentioned that he wouldn't be confused for a librarian

Take on the upside down flag

If it was Sotamayor or Kagan who was flying an upside down flag, the right would go nuts and call her a traitor but the fact that it's Sam Alito and his wife allows the right to twist their expectations so as to make guy believe this is somehow patriotic. Absolute horse crap

Take on the ‘Super Size Me,’ guys Dies Al

When I heard the supersize me guy does at the age of 53x I wasn't shocked. Shoot I wasn't even slightly surprised. We know this dude had a bunch of issues but this experience of nothing but BigMacs is one I sort of did myself a few
years back when I ate nothing but Mexican cantina and FarCat for a semester and subsequently put in 50lvs.

Take on the McDonald's plan to get rid of soda machines and free refills

Nothing made me happier as a kid than walking to a McDonalds and refilling my fountain drink a dozen times. I remember being able to walk out with a drink, fried and Big Mac for like $5 which now seems totally surreal. I also put on 40 pounds from the day I graduated high school to the day I graduated college, so maybe these days weren't all that great.

Take on the classified documents case

Trump will get away with the classified documents case not because he's innocent but because it sounds like his counsel has convinced they judge that the entire case will be too complicated for a jury. I have no idea where this leads but I'm sure there is an angle that lets Trump off the hook….again.

Take on the Trump video referencing ‘unified Reich,’ but his Nazi allusions are long-standing CNN Politics

How can we possibly have the leading candidate for president post a video about a unified reich and it's almost. It mentioned. We know Trump is a bona fide Nazi but the fact he's so comfortable dabbling in nazi propaganda kind of goes back to the old adage that if it smells like a Nazi, looks like a Nazi and acts like a Nazi…probably a Nazi.

Take on Trump boasting about having sex with his friends’ wives

Michael Wolff's new book on Trump goes into the detaining him putting friend's wives on a secret call to listen in to Trump trying to convince their unsuspecting husbands to cheat on them, which was all a sinister plot for Trump to bag those married chicks.
Nobody in incident in that situation, not the husbands who apparently are all too excited to partake and definitely not the women who see their sleazy husbands do what they do and decided to get them back by sleeping with Trump.
But of course the king of filth shows himself to be just that again.

Take on Rudy Giuliani

As Rudy Giuliani was served papers for election fraud I once again wonder how he will be remembered. When his obituary is written, where does this Trump chapter fall? I mean he took on the mob, he stood tall during 9/11 and he helped heal a broken city. He also was a thug, had an overly aggressive police department and turned Times Square into Disneyland.
But the last few years have been his most tragic, where he took any credibility he has had and became Trump's little lackey, one who didn't even get paid.
So although the first line might be about the twin towers, the second line will be about the Four Seasons next to the porn shop.

Take on the next Trump presidency

I'm resigned to the fact we are going to get Trump again. All the Dark Brandon things aren't getting anybody excited and right now it feels like we are just getting set up again. The issue with Biden is that he's normal, he doesn't throw temper tantrums or pay porn stars hush money but this is apparently what makes a good Christian and that is all our country wants.

Take on Diddy


The P.Diddy video is Ray Rice level bad. I don't know how this guy survives this as that video is as bad as it gets. But the US loves to allow a guy to rehabilitate himself, nobody was more masterful at that than Kobe who went from pariah to darling.

Take on the King Charles official portrait

I can't seem to decide if the King Charles painting is more Homer dropping back into the bushes or Han Solo being encased carbonite. I am no art historian or even much of an art fan but this painting has to be one of the oddest ones somebody would have commissioned as their first official one. It looks like he's basically an unattached head in the bush of a grapefruit. But I guess long live the king

Take on the men’s room in Vienna

Nothing should shock you when you've spent as many hours as I have in airports around the world but I was sort of taken aback when I walked into the Vienna airport men's room and was confronted with a plethora of sex toy options in the vending machine. I mean, to each their own but I can't remember the last time I was coming out of taking a dump that I thought to myself, this might be an ideal time to get a mini vibrator. Not sure what it is but the stench of an airport men's room just doesn't bring that need to mind

Take on German beer mixers

Germany has so much offer in terms of culture, food and weather that sometimes for a split second you forget about the history.

But then while sitting in a beer garden you look at the menu and find out that the birthplace of beer offers it in pints mixed with Coca Cola. I'm done with these psychos

Take on the Fly more Sustainably scam

I booked a flight on Austrian Air last month and went to check in and they gave me an option to spend 2.88 Euro to "fly more sustainably". I'm not sure what this means but I feel like they are passing their Paris Accord upon us to pay for. I'm all for airlines paying for the use of carbon but come on, they will take credit for planting trees or whatnot while the actual cost was paid by us. This is like those "round up to the dollar" at the supermarket to fight hunger which basically means that they can make a big donation and get a bunch of accolades and make it look like they are some kind of hero when in fact it's all just our money.

Take on the year of our lord

Last year when the sky turned that eery orange, we thought we were seeing the apocalypse but the more youth j about it, it was just another example of the end of the earth. We've had a global pandemic, crazy tornadoes, nuclear plants going down, countless wars and now I'm hearing it's one of those stupid cicada years. So I'm pretty sure we are gong to get Trump II and I'm not sure anybody is ready for this complete nonsense.

Take on Seagram’s

I walked into a supermarket today one which I know tries to promote local produces. It's usually eggs or fish or something but today I noticed they had it on Seagram's. I have no idea where that's made but I have to say that although the "local" tag may be technically correct it does feel like a bit of a stretch for a multinational corporation to get that tag.

Take on A I

I'm already so bored of AI at this point I'm just going for it to go away. AI has been making its headway with ChapGPT etc but really after looking around I find the entire thing is painfully miserable. Time to go back to people picking up the phone from lol time to time to get some info .
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Take on the Stormy tryst

Stormy spent the. Better part of a week explaining that Donald is hung like a small mushroom and that there was no part of her tryst that felt like anything but a power play. We know that Trump will get off because he always is able to but if this piece of trash can at least be made to sweat, it will have been worth it

Take on the brain eating worm

Can we please stop the RFK Jr madness already?? It's been a fun run, he's got some publicity, he's scared people into getting vaccinated and he's pissed of the entire kingdom of Camelot. He was completely unqualified to begin with but this last revaluation that a worm ate part of his brain is making me think he shouldn't just not be anywhere near the Oval Office, we may need to bar him from any office building or anything oval

Plus this ahole has made me hate Cheryl.

Take on the Stormy Daniels’ testimony

Stormy Daniels was on the stand yesterday with the world watching her every move. She described in detail how she and Trump had sex including spanking his flabby ass with a rolled up magazine article. She said he went bare back with her and has said in the past it was quick and sort of painless being that the ex president isn't all that endowed.
But it's all going to come down to the jury getting off on the ex president getting off.

But his vivid comparison of Stormy to Ivanka is what makes you really want to puke in your own mouth

Take on the Met Gala

I'm embarrassed to say that I don't have any idea what the Met Gala is. The outfits are outrageous, the rec carpet is a who's who and E! probably covers it for 24 hours straight but still, what is it??

Literally I have no idea what they are getting dressed up for.
I just hope it's for a good cause

Take on the hopefuls

Nobody is a bigger loser than the Trump VP hopefuls. It's a job where you know you're going to spend all your waking time kissing the bosses gigantic pimples ass and when it comes time to do the right thing, you won't be able to without pissing off pimple ass. And your political career at this point will be over because you will be asked to decide between decency and a big ass pimpled asswipe

Take on the Cybertruck

I caught my first Cybertruck in the wild today and it was somehow uglier than I expected. I know everybody is dubbing on Musk for this monstrosity but I could not have imagined how weirdly ugly it would be in person. I'm pretty sure this thing isn't going to save Tesla let alone save any dude's chances of meeting a woman.

Take on aviation safety

When your plane looks like somebody punched it in the nose, you kind of worry. I've flown a million miles but can't say I've ever been totally comfortable getting onto any flight, mostly the ones where it looks like the plane is being held together with duct tape and bubblegum. But maybe getting a glimpse before boarding isn't the best idea.

Take on Auntie Anne’s


I often walk by an Auntie Anne's and wonder if they exist only at airports. I'm not sure if you'd find them at a strip mall in Columbus but like a Cheetah, I've never actually seen one out in the wild. I have to think they'd appeal to a certain demographic, which I guess is the pajama wearing teenager at Detroit Metro at 8am.

Take on the political donation

The biggest regret I have for ever making a single political donation isn't the fact that even the goods ones aren't that good but when you make one donation they sell all your info to every political organization.   I now get dozens of text messages from randos asking for an urgent donation and I'm sick of it.    Please, for the love of God, leave me alone if you hope to ever get another dime out of me. 

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